Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband doesn’t want me to contact my family at all!

Salam,

I got married six months ago to the person that I fell in love with, my very first love. My parents weren’t saying yes for our marriage but I convinced them with great difficulty.

My husband made me promise before marriage that I can’t keep contact with my family ever again. And I was so madly in love with him I said yes to him like an idiot.

So in the first three months, I didn’t call or talk to anyone in my family because he strictly said "no." But I used to cry a lot for my parents. On our fourth month of our marriage, my family contacted me and I got weaker for them. I thought "Let me try my best to make my husband realize that that’s not how it works." 

I became really cranky because of everything. So we kept fighting about this topic for the next two and a half months. He kept saying “If you choose your parents then go stay with them.” Then one day, I said "okay!" So now I’m living with my parents without my husband!

He doesn’t seem to have anything else to say. It’s been only six months of our marriage and I’m back at my parents only because of that one reason. I really love him but I don’t know how to fix this or make him realize how to fix this marriage. Please help. I’ll be really grateful.

Sister


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4 Responses »

  1. Wa alakum salam,

    I presume your husband made you promise not to contact your parents ever again because your parents would not readily agree for you to marry him and its not a general condition of your marriage to him.

    If its a general condition of you being married to your husband then he is not someone who cares about you, expects you to give up your whole family just for him and you should dump him immediately as you don't need an evil person like that in your life.

    If my presumption is true, you simply say to him that you did promise not to contact your family again but it was a mistake for you to do so, that no one should be expected to cut off their family for a marriage it is something no reasonable person would do and something he would not do to his own family.

    If he is a reasonable person, he would understand his demand is simply untenable, you can't be expected to give up your family life for a husband and would come to terms with the new situation.

    If he doesn't, then that's your cue to get out of this horrendous marriage, as he is simply an extremely selfish individual who is no good for you.

    As for your decision to get into that marriage on those terms, well I think you have come to your senses now, so no more needs to be said.

    Matin

  2. Your husband is showing big red flag asking you to cut your family off for no absolutely reason. The fact you would be without a husband Just because you contacted your family is absolutely crazy . Like why does he care, it's not like he's the one in contact or interacting with them . Perhaps he's trying to control you, make you lose everyone who is close to you . I guarantee after your family it will be your friends and then you will have no one .

    And you're equally foolish for agreeing to something like that . Where is your loyalty to those people who gave birth to you and took care of you . Do not ever do that again or turn your back on them for some man that you knew for couple years . Would he equally cut his family off ? I doubt it . You owe your family a big apology.

  3. Asalamualaykum Sister,

    I agree with the others in that these are not the words or behavior of someone who genuinely cares about you. As brother Ahmed stated, he is likely trying to control you, something that has no place in Islam.

    I understand that you were/are "in love," but that does not always translate into a successful partnership. Try to read this post of yours objectively. If your close friend were to have this dilemma, what would you say to her?

    If you have any ability at all to leave this man (if you are not irredeemably attached), that's what I would do at this point. You've already been living with your parents for six months and your husband is showing no interest in repairing the marriage.

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  4. You were so blind and deeply in love with him that you agreed to divorce your own mom and dad. A good man would never make you swear or promise to cut all contacts with your family. This man is pathetic. What if your parents all of a sudden gone, will he care for you, no. Your family was trying to protect you from marrying him, now you see what’s happening. Say a big apology to your parents and Immediately divorce the man.

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