Islamic marriage advice and family advice

At 14 I touched my 9 year old cousin, I am ashamed

Shame and guiltWhen I was 14 i was very addicted to pornography. I committed this sin with another major sin. I kissed my cousin and touched here and there. She was 9.

I am so ashamed of my deed . I am depressed and want to seek for forgiveness.

Now I am 20 and i want to ask for forgiveness. I can't do any work nor can sleep well because of my stupid haram deed.

I usually pray but now I want to be sure that I an forgiven. I started praying salatul tahajjud and duha. I also often pray additional 2 rakat nafl salat everyday for the forgiveness.

I know I did a haram deed and i want to seek forgiveness for it. I want to be good as a person from now . I committed a sin at a young age which I regret . Please help me in giving the proper knowledge.

- Abdul Hai


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6 Responses »

  1. Asalaaamu Alaikum,

    May God help the child you abused and May God prevent you from ever harming an innocent child ever again, and May he Guide you back to the straight path and May God Forgive you for this Grave sin. He is All Knowing, Most Merciful. If you repent, if you own up to your sin and go to the child's parent and inform them what you did, you will have atoned for your sin. But if you hide it and dont face it, you will always be haunted by the guilt of the evil act you did and you will traumitize the innocent girl you abused.

    Go to her Parents now with remorse, they will at first be upset but realize you need professional help to heal you and your mind.

    You came on this website to ask for guidance and seeking forgiveness, so that indicates you still have good in you and that can inshAllah redeem you. But you have to now be courageous and fix the deeds you did, which is possible inshAllah.

    God be with you.

    Your brother

    • Salam,

      Your advice here is contradicting and even left me confused with what he should do. Should he either confess or keep it a secret. You also constantly bring up the word "abused" like he intentionally meant it. I'm not condoning the behaviour but to constantly remind someone of what they did when they were "14" and punishing them verbally for it, is wrong. The brother is now 20 and incident was 6 years ago. He should have some peace if he has repented for his sin and promised to never return to it. May god also help the brother out with his struggle and get through this period.

      Advice to the brother. My first advice is don't follow the advice of this guy above, he will land you in trouble in a worse outcome. God says those who hide their sins and spare any Muslim of trouble he would hide your sins on judgement day. So by going to the parents not only will you expose yourself and her, you would also make her relive the experience. Maybe she even forgot but now you reminded her.

      Second advice is don't forfeit your life . Don't stop living and don't stop progressing because if you do then the shaytaan has won as his objective is to stray Muslims away from their religion and he does this by making you depressed and want to give up on life and no do anything. Pick yourself up and tell yourself this happened 6 years ago and you wasn't thinking straight you cannot let it haunt you anymore god has promised you that he would forgive you for your sin as long as you repent and don't go back to it.

      Draw a line from now and say you will never think about it and will accept and move on from it. Don't have any contact with that girl and avoid her as much as you can. focus on your life and your religion. When you stop feeding the thought you will push it to the back of your mind and it wont bother you.

  2. Lovely advise brother Ahmed
    I second everything you said MsA

  3. As-salamu alaykum brother. So I agree partly with Ahmed #1 above, and partly with Ahmed #2.

    First of all, there is absolutely no reason to bring the girl's parents into it. None. Doing so could bring serious repercussions down on your head. They could destroy your reputation, ruin your career or studies, and might even physically harm you. Do NOT take that course of action. You did a foolish, stupid and sinful act when you were young. But you should not destroy your life over it.

    I do, however, think you should meet with your cousin and apologize. Meet with her in a public place, like at the park. Tell her you are very sorry for what you have done. And ask her to forgive you. If she says yes, mashaAllah, maybe it can bring you some peace. If she says no, that is her right. Don't hound her or beg her. Just let it go, and seek your forgiveness from Allah. In either case, do not have continued contact with her. You don't want to compound your sin by making another mistake. Just ask her for forgiveness, and then move on.

    Some might say, she was only 9, maybe she does not remember. Based on my experience in talking to other victims of sexual molestation, she almost certainly remembers. And it's quite possible that the memory disturbs her, and has an ongoing effect on her mental health. I have met grown women whose entire lives were affected by molestation they experienced at 6 years old, 8 or 9.

    In any case, may Allah forgive you, have mercy on you, guide you on the straight path, and put light and comfort in your heart.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Salam brother, is there a way I can message you about something serious? I'm new to this website and don't know how to message or direct message on here, but I really need help, inshaAllah you will guide me. Jazakallahu khairun

      • Yoyoma, you could register and submit your question as a separate post. It will be published in a few weeks, inshaAllah. Maybe a month at the most.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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