Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Conflicted feelings regarding istikhara

I cannot choose between brothers

Asalaamu Alaykum,

I have a man who recently proposed to my family. When my parents agreed, he and I prayed istikhara to decide if this is truly the right decision. When he prayed, he received a negative feeling about moving forward, however, when I prayed, I had a positive feeling or no feelings at all.

Both of my parents have prayed istikhara in regards to moving forward with the proposal and have received good feelings. What is the ruling for conflicting feelings? Which feeling do we follow?

Jazakallahu Khair

-sfn123

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2 Responses »

  1. Salaamu Alaikum, someone asked similar question, here is what the scholar said
    ''In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful

    Answer
    Imam An-Nawawi has said, “After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah’s power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah’s choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined.” (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32)

    After performing istikharah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake. The individual will just feel what is right and should then go on to do the task or make the decision. In regards to the circumstances mentioned above if you heart is inclining not to marry this person then it might be a sign from Allah (SWA) not to go ahead with the marriage. However, if your inclination is to get married to this man, but now and then you have thoughts or doubts whether you should marry him or not, then you should go ahead with the marriage. These doubts may be from shaitan. Furthermore, naturally there is always a doubt in the back of your mind when you make a decision about marriage whether this person is the right one or not. Therefore, you should not take these into consideration and go ahead with the marriage.''
    May Allah bless you both and guide you both to the best decision that will be a blessing for you in this life and the hereafter. Ameen! In shaa Allah try the both of you fast Monday and Thursday or pick either day and have patience and trust in Allah's guidance and seek refuge in Allah from the whispers of shaytan.

  2. Assalaamualaykum sfn123,

    First off all, I want to commend you on understanding how to interpret the Istikhara, as many find the concept confusing! That's more than half the battle, so you are well on your way to knowing what to do here. Also, your parents agreeing to this does not constitute a positive result necessarily, as you normally would follow your own feeling, not someone else's.

    However, you write: When he prayed, he received a negative feeling about moving forward, however, when I prayed, I had a positive feeling or no feelings at all.

    Unfortunately, if he does not feel like moving forward with this proposal anymore, then that is your answer, as both of you should be confident and content in pursuing marriage. He is not.

    Perhaps he might change his mind over time, but at this time, that is the answer to your Istikhara prayer.

    Best,

    Nor

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