Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My confession and call for help

anxiety

I'm a teenager and I've made more mistakes than I can count. Here is my confession.

In 7th grade I met a boy named John (name changed by Editor to protect privacy). He was a huge crush of mine. One day he invited me to meet up in the woods, and there he kissed me. It's been going downhill since then. After that, I met up with him more, and all we did was kiss. But he's a Trump supporter, so eventually we got into an argument, and parted ways. But I still loved him.

Soon I got used to the whole kissing thing. I wanted to have someone to kiss and hold again. I hung out with another boy named Ralph (name changed by Editor to protect privacy), and we kissed once. But later he went on to 5 other girls while claiming he liked me.

Then Tom (name changed by Editor to protect privacy) came along, and he said he liked me. I didn't push him away. I wanted physical company. It went on for a whole month, but then my parents found out about all the boys, since my relationships with them were in secret.

I became conflicted, feeling dependent on one and not the other. Depressed. I began pushing people away. Had people walking away. I was insecure. Not to mention my dad wouldn't speak or even look at me. My mom took away my phone, my friends, my time. I became empty, nothing.

I tried to commit suicide by overdosing. I started to cut. I tried to run away from reality. But nothing worked.

I still loved John, not just having him physically there. So later he messaged me. And things got out of hand. Next thing I knew I was sending him nudes. He's already seen me without my hijab. And I was meeting up with him and sitting on his lap. Almost willing to give him something....not my virginity but...

I feel horrible. Disgusting. I want to go back to God, I feel so bad. I cry at night, I can't sleep, I can't live with myself. I don't know how fix this. I want to go back to God, but because my faith in my Deen has been lacking, I keep getting influenced into bad things. I always let my drive for physical love get to me.

Sisters I am ashamed. But what do I do so I can change myself to not be swayed in my faith? Please, I need advice.

-That muslim girl

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3 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatu.

    Ibn Mas’ud narrated that the Prophet said:

    “Indeed, Allah is more happy with the repentance of His slave than a man who stops in a barren, desolate land; with him he has his riding animal. He then goes to sleep. When he wakes up, [he realizes that] his mount (riding animal) is gone. He searches for it until he is on the verge of dying. He then says, ‘I will return to the place wherein I lost it, and I will die there.’ He went to that place, and he was then overcome by sleep. When he woke up, his mount (riding animal) was [standing] right beside his head: and on it was his food, his drink, his provisions, and the things he needed. (If we can imagine the happiness that this person would feel in a desolate land,) Allah is more happy with the repentance of his believing slave than the aforementioned man when he finds his mount and his provisions.” (Al-Bukhaari: 6308 ; Muslim: 2744)

    Notice here that the man would've felt happy and amazed too after he saw his camel return with all the provisions.

    Can you imagine how Allah subahanawtaalah would not only be happy but amazed too with your repentance?

    Another hadith relates the following story:

    “Among those who came before you was a man who killed 99 people. He then asked to be guided to the most prolific worshipper from the inhabitants of the earth, and he was directed to a monk. He went to him and told him that he had killed 99 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The monk said, ‘No.’ The man killed him (the monk too), thus making him the 100th victim. He then asked to be directed to the most knowledgeable of the Earth’s inhabitants (for guidance on the same matter), and he was guided to a scholar. He went to him and told him that he had killed 100 people, and he asked whether it was possible for him to repent. The scholar said, ‘Yes, and who will stand between you and repentance. Go to such and such land, for in it dwell a people who worship Allah, so go and worship Allah with them. And do not return to your land, for it is indeed a land of evil.’ He left, and when he reached the halfway point of his journey, he died. The angels of Mercy and the angels of Punishment disputed with one another [in regard to his case]. The angels of Mercy said, ‘He came to us repentant, advancing with his heart towards Allah.’ The angels of Punishment said, ‘Indeed, he never performed any good deeds.’ Then an angel came in the form of a human being, and both groups of angels asked him to be the judge between them. He said, ‘Measure the distance between the two lands. Whichever land he is closer to is the land that he is closer to [in terms of being of its people]. They then measured the distance and found that he was closer to the land that he was heading towards, and so it was the angels of Mercy who then took his soul.”
    (Al-Bukhaari: 3470 ; Muslim: 2766)

    Shaddad bin Aus (Radhi Allah Anh) said: Prophet Muhammad (Sal Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said, “The best supplication for seeking forgiveness (Syed-ul-Istighfar) is to say:

    Allahumma anta Rabbi la ilaha illa Anta Khalaqtani wa ana abduka, wa ana ‘ala ahdika wa wa’dika mastata’tu, A’udhu bika min Sharri ma sana’tu, abu’u Laka bini’matika ‘alaiya, wa Abu’u Laka bidhanbi faghfirli fainnahu la yaghfiru adhdhunuba illa anta

    O Allah! You are my Rabb. There is no true god except You. You have created me, and I am Your slave, and I hold to Your Covenant as far as I can. I seek refuge in You from the evil of what I have done. I acknowledge the favors that You have bestowed upon me, and I confess my sins. Pardon me, for none but You has the power to pardon

    Whoever makes this dua during the day with firm belief in it and dies on the same day (before the evening) he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah (Paradise); and whoever makes this dua during the night with firm belief in it and dies before the morning, he will be one of the dwellers of Jannah (Paradise).” [Al-Bukhari]

    "La Ilaha Illa Anta Subhanaka Inni Kuntu Minaz Zalimeen"
    (There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers).

    The above dua was recited by Yunus AS inside the belly of the fish/whale as described in Surah Al-Anbiya (21) verses 87 and 88 as follows: “And remember Zun-nun, when he departed in wrath: He imagined that We had no power over him! But he cried through the depths of darkness, There is no God but You, Glorified be You! Truly, I have been of the wrongdoers! So We listened to him: and delivered him from distress: and thus do We deliver those who have faith.”[21: 87-88]

    The Prophet (Sal Allahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) said about this Dua: “No Muslim ever prays to his Lord with these words for anything, but He will answer his prayer.” (Recorded by At-Tirmidhi, An-Nasa’i in Al-Yawm wal-Laylah)

    It's very easy if you don't give up Hope. You just need to start with very, very easy, small deeds but consistently.

    you need to repent and make dua to Allah to guide you every day. Here's a beautiful dua that the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam used to recite: "The Prophet (ﷺ) used to supplicate: "Allahumma inni as'alukal-huda wat-tuqa wal-'afafa wal-ghina (O Allah! I beseech You for guidance, piety, chastity and contentment)." [Muslim].

    Then you should avoid looking at men or pictures or videos of men, not even a single look nor a safe look because that would be enough for the Shaytan to trap your soul again and control your anger as that would also give Shaytan full control over you. And most importantly, pray the 5 Salah. Salah is your foundation for everything you want to achieve. After that, just fast Mondays and Thursdays for one month and you'll have achieved Taqwa, which will act as a shield against any sin you want to avoid. You should also read Quran every day, 10 pages with translation and you will be guided by Allah through the Quran and you'll be able achieve whatever you want through the guidance of the Quran.

    Do all this for just one month and you will see great results and attain great taqwa and emman, Inshallah.

    Salaam.

  2. Assalamaleku

    Sister you don’t need to make any confession to ppl just repent to Allah he is most merciful and forgiving.
    Read Salat ul-taubA..2extra unit of Nafil and repent with intention of not commuting those sin again.inshaAllah Allah will forgive you and you wil be rewarded..you will be tempted but stay firm in your belief... That fact that you regret and you wish to mend your ways. shows you are repenting.

    Continue with Astagfar and Salah be selective of your friends..living in the west it might be difficult. Promise yourself that you will never do anything behind your parents back .. remember Allah is watching.be mindful of what you do remember that every action of our gets recorded.remind yourself of the twin angels on our shoulder...

    My suggestion would be to stay away from boys,?may not be easy at first but you can do..focus on why you go to school? So concentrate on your education try your best to get better results; get involved with your family; take a responsibility in the household chores?
    Be home as soon as the school end.
    Don’t hang out unnecessarily. Tell your “friends” that you have to be home. Your parents will soon see the change in you, their attitude towards you,will change too inshaAllah.
    Be mindful of never to miss a salah.even at school find a place to perform your salahH at school too. Shayateen will run way from you inshaAllah.

    May Allah guide us to the straight path.

  3. Assalaamualaykum Sister,

    You don't have to make one firm decision about what to do here, or make an absolute promise to Allah in an emotional moment and then be pressured to keep your word, hating yourself when you don't.

    Instead, try to take on this challenge one day at a time. Tell yourself (not Allah) that today will be a "good" day. That you will do your best today to abstain from what will hurt you (contact with this boy). That way, you will not feel hopeless and despondent. You can do the same thing the next day, and the day after that, starting your goal "over again" every morning. In time, you will notice that other things and experiences will start to seep into your life, and you'll think about this boy less and less. In short, you need to allow yourself to "grow into" this new life without the boy, which will be filled with other positive things 🙂

    And remember, this doesn't mean you can never be with a boy! When you get a little older, you can make it a goal of yours to get married and share a meaningful life with someone who appreciates and loves you.

    You can do this! Allah will ease it for you, as He loves those who are trying to please Him and loving themselves enough to do what is good for themselves.

    Hugs,

    Nor

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