Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Help needed regarding future marriage

Woman alone

Asalamualaikum

I am 15 years old and a female , before i start i just want to clarify that despite me being young and 'unaware' of falling into haram relationships , this is not the case. Alhamdulillah i can say i have knowledge about relationships in islam and how they lead to negative aspects in your life , a lot of you won't take me serious and will tell me to forget about the whole situation but i want you to please help me out , okay

so there's this guy , same age as me and we met  in september 2017 , we were good friends and i trusted him , it got to a point where we started communicating alot and we eventually got together , we were involved in a haram relationship for a few months however no sexual contact or any acts like that were committed , we are both practicing muslims and wish the same in the future.

We recently broke up nearly a month ago because we both didn't want to be involved in this haram relationship due to huge senses of guilt and self embarassment , i have acknowledged i have done wrong and i truly wish to improve my bond and relationship with Allah , inshallah i am going to fulfil the basic needs of pleasing my creator , reading my daily salah and reciting the quran sharif, i need to seek repentence from allah aswell due to this haram act  ,

i suffer from high levels of anxiety, sadness and loneliness at times however i know this is all temporary , and whatever im being put through is indeed by the Greatest of them all , Allah , and he wouldn't put me through something i couldn't bare , i am really upset that we broke up however i want to focus on myself and my deen for a few years , and i wish for me to marry this guy by 20 inshallah , i have considered the type of person he is , and alhamdulillah he comes from a good family , he has good character , he wishes to get closer to Allah also and inshallah he does , i believe my parents will be accepting of him as a person and as a husband too inshallah ,

now i've read alot about istikhara and i dont really think i can perform it for this situation can i? I want some guidance , i want to know if this is right for me. Also , we are no longer talking to eachother in the haram way , i love him dearly and i believe it is the same for him too , i see him being there in the future with me and being the father of my kids , so im confused on what to do as i don't want to continue this haram relationship , the guilt and helplessness is really devastating and scary , please help me and advise me on what i should do? He has given and shown a lot of committment , and so have i , i genuinely want to marry him and make things halal however i am still young and have my education , my life to spend , will this be worth it? Will me waiting 5 years for him be healthy for us? How do i go about this in the islamic way? If you would like any more info please let me know

Jazakallah Khayr

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5 Responses »

  1. Salam

    Don’t worry if he is right for you Allahu ta’ala will bring him back to you. Leave everything to Allah now, don’t look back. Focus on other things

  2. You are only 15, it's way too early to think about marriage. I even think 20 is a too young of an age to get married. Instead of putting so much thought in to a man, you should worry more about finishing school and establish a future for yourself.

    Also, I don't know where you live or how old you and this man are, but beware that in some countries, this man could get into serious trouble for being involved with a minor.

  3. Wa alaikum Assalam sister.

    Yes you are indeed too young right now but you did the right thing by ending your haram relationship. Marriage is not a bed of roses. It's a completely different ball game than love. A lot more responsibilities, expectations, duties and relatability comes with marriage.

    You are right in wanting to wait because that will only mean that after a point of time you'll be able to think objectively about this guy and marrying him. A lot of people do a lot of stupid things in love mainly ignoring red flags and compromising on qualities and things that are important for a healthy relationship, all out of so called "love"

    You may be feeling like you will love this guy forever and he is your soulmate but truth it given enough time that feeling will fade. Even if you marry him ultimately, what you will be left with is good character and friendship so remember to see if you have those things.

    I know many girls who did the same with even arranged marriages and now suffer due to the things they ignored. While many other girls who ignored the irrelevant flaws but did not compromise on the most important aspects in the guy and now live happily. Hence my only advice will be to wait until a point that you're able to make a decision out of practicality and not just love and emotions.

    You're still young and may not know what qualities are truly important. So look around, gauge the married people around you, understand how societal expectations and pressure affect how we choose a partner. You have time on your side. Judge your potential in laws as inlaw clashes are among the biggest marriage breakers and understand whether your prospective spouse can manage these issues without hurting you, so take your time and decide what you want because ultimately we get what we want (including the negatives of what we wanted) Continue making istikhara so that Allah will make whats best for you easy because indeed He knows best.

  4. I have been waiting for over a year. This upsets me that I have been trying to get advice and everyone is neglecting my post as it has been pending...Does no one care?

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