Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Life is unfair and unbearable

Depressed girl heartbroken distressedAslamoalykum.
I don't know from where to start..but i'm miserable.. so done with life as it has always been like so unfair towards me but i'm scared of death..but this life..is just so unbearable.

Though i love life n i want to live.. to me still there is nothing more beatiful than life.. but for some people it is so unfair that you wish you could just run away.. i really want to live.. like live.. not just like breath miserably.

idk if i make any sense.. but i'm miserable n so done with everything... i m so stressed n miserable that i get horrible headaches for days that just don't go away.. i feel weak.. i have to struggle to get out n perform daily activities... i ve no frnds n God i'm a mess.. idk... i don't knw what to do.

i had a horrible childhood. i always hoped that my life would change one day.. i m 22 now.. nothing has changed or got even better.. it just keeps on getting more miserable.. i have no family life, i have abusive parents.. i ve no frndz. people don't want to be with me..

i don't it you remember but i wrote on this site when i wz 18 about having a love affair with my teacher who wz just using me.. he left me without any explanation n got married.. i feel devastated.. i mean he is all happy n set in his life... while me i'm miserable... why, i mean we both were wrong so why is Allah punishing me only n not him? he is happy while i'm miserable.

Allah doesn't Answer my prayers.. i feel like Allah hates me which further like kills me.. i went to university but no one wanted to be my frnd.. but i wz like okay i wz glad i wz away from my abusive family.. but now with coronavirus lockdown i m stuck with these abusive people.

my father even beat me a few months back in Ramadan like really bad.. my mother verbally tortures me all the time.. i've like no life.. whatever i ask for i don't get it.. i don't feel like praying for anything anymore as my prayers r never answered. i feel miserable i don't offer namaz cz i feel so lost all the time i feel like a nasty sinful person who Allah hates so i don't feel like offering namaz too.

Allah has promised in Quran that He does not burden a soul beyond it'a capacity.. than why is He burdening my soul beyond my capacity?...please help me..for Allah's sake.

- eshafatima


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4 Responses »

  1. Depending on which country you live in, can you seek help with all the abuse going on ? If not then try to ignore the abuse around you. If it has been going on for so long...perhaps you have become some what resistant to it? Also you say Allah is burdening you and all other things which human beings say in error and moments of weakness.

    First , make sincere taubah for whatever you think or have done.

    Second, busy yourself. Sign up for online courses, get into say online trading, investing learning new things, coding, python, accounting, programming, learn about Islam and the Life of our Prophet Muhammad Sallahu alaihi wa sallam.
    If you wallow in despair, the shaitan will end up consuming you and you will continue doing haram ( missing prayers, speaking haram words about Allah etc)

    Help your self and stay occupied. The more you lay in your bed in despair the more you will drown in it and it will destroy you and your aakhira. When ever you are going to do anything something as small as opening the fridge door, to getting out of bed. Say bismillah.

    Anyhow I am very concerned about your mental state. At your age your mind and body can take this partially self inflicted abuse. But as you get older this will start poisoning your mind and body. So beware.

    The rougher it gets...the more you should pray to ALLAH.
    May Allah make it easier for you and us all. Aneen

  2. asalam alaikum sister, I am sorry to hear about the issues you are having. Having abusive parents is one of the most difficult test that a person can go through especially having to grow up (affects your self esteem, self worth, etc.) and having to live with your abuser. May Allah make it easy for you to move out soon. Ameen. You didn't say which country you are living in so it's hard to give you advice accordingly but nonetheless, I would highly recommend for you to start taking care of your mental health preferably by seeing a therapist or peer counsellor. I think you need someone to talk to, you cant keep bottle up all these feelings. Again, you didn't say what country you are from but if you are in the west, there are lots of free options available - try googling. But THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to remember, NOTHING happens without Allah's permission and no matter how hard you try, first and foremost, you have to ask Allah to make it easy and to make your efforts fruitful. You have to try your absolute best to rebuild a connection with Allah SWT, subhanAllah, there is nothing in this world more depressing than losing a connection with our Creator, I am speaking from experience.

    I think the quickest way to get out of the depressed rut is:

    1.Reciting the Quran daily - start small like 2 or 5 or 10 minutes or, at the very least, listen to it while reading the translation if you don't understand Arabic

    2. getting a daily dose of all 4 feel-good (happy) hormones - dopamine, oxytocin, serotine, endorphin - it doesn't require a lot of work, please google natural ways to get them.

    I hope this helps insha'Allah. It's all about baby steps, when you are feeling depressed it's hard to be motivated so it's all about just getting started.

    Also, if you live in the West, please comment and I can send you some free over the phone counselling options for Muslims insha'Allah.

  3. Sorry to hear about the environment you live in, you are young and full of energy instead of feeling petty about yourself boost your self-esteem, and take it as a challenge that you are going to prove yourself. Just think, in the presence of all odds you are going to achieve your goals and making your life on your own, one day you will see the people who avoid you today will feel proud to be around you. The only very important thing please do not lose track, stay connected to Allah, and forget about the rest. You will be a successful lady in Sha Allah

  4. Assalamualaikum dear sister, firstly I would like you to know that you are not alone. You are never alone. Allah is with you at all times. And most importantly, He has not foresaken you.
    It is indeed, a divine promise in the Quran that no soul is burdened beyond that which they can handle. Accordingly, it means that Allah knows that you can and you will overcome whatever is afflicting you. Please, keep going. You saying that you love life is already so hopeful and promising. Alhamdulillah.

    Please, start praying again. Even if you have to drag yourself to the prayer mat. Start slowly and build up from there. Make very specific duas about the things that your heart desires. Busy yourself in dhikr. Again, start slow with it. Say it once or twice a day and build up. It is all a journey with ups and downs and bumps on the road.

    You can check this series out; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMQtt8v3q1c&list=PLQ02IYL5pmhHNert3ZL-mG65FxaMYFc_T
    It can help.

    You may recite this tasbih; Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum, bi rahmatika astagheeth. Every single time, I felt stuck, afflicted and in great pain, relief has always poured after reciting it continuously. In Shaa Allah, it is the same for you too.

    You can try journaling your thoughts. It helps A LOT. You can do it anytime. Gratitude lists also helps. They make you realise that no matter what and how bad the pain is, there are blessings in your life. Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli haal,

    You can also try online counselling sessions on platforms like BetterHelp. You can also give charity if you can; helping others clears the way for you, in turn.
    In Shaa Allah, everything will get better. It is also a divine promise that "Verily, with hardship, comes ease." Surah 94, Ayah 6. Hold on to this.
    It is definitely not easy when you feel this afflicted, but remember that every pain has a purpose. And that our days have been written by The Greatest Himself. SubhanAllah.

    Keeping you in my prayers and wishing you ease and peace, dear sister.

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