Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m from a broken family so his parents won’t give their consent

Family shattered by husband's addiction

Salam,

I graduated last year. I was taking preparations for GRE as I want to go to the USA for a Master's degree. It was in 2018 that my sister's husband, who is in the USA, introduced me to a PhD student of an American university. The funny thing is, that person was a senior from my department and University as well, I just had not met him earlier.

I knocked him for some questions I had about GRE on Facebook. It all started from there. He is 3 years older than me. We started making audio calls. Things went well. Then after some days, he said he was in love with me.

I kept no secrets. As you know, in our subcontinent, people always look at the family over the bride/groom.
I told him that my parents are in separation. I asked him multiple times if he can manage his family.... What if his parents freak out after knowing that I am from a broken family? He assured me that he will fight for this relationship and will manage everything. He's the only son of his parents; he has 2 sisters.

After 7 months, he came to meet me from the US. We met 8 times, every time at restaurants, he stayed for a month.

It was a picture perfect relationship. He is a very nice guy. I thought he loved me a lot. Recently, his parents asked him about marriage and he told them about me. Yes, they freaked out knowing about me and my family.

They told him that they never thought he would want to do a love marriage, they never expected him to make his own choice, they told him that they don't care about what he wants and they won't accept me. Even his elder sister didn't support him. His parents said he would be very happy in life if he marries the girl of their choice.

Parents are human beings...they do not always do the right things and its okay. It is said that parents only want their children to be happy. That's why they sometimes force their child to listen to them about marriage. But does it mean that the child will surely be happy with his wife after breaking a girl's heart? In that relationship, I never got the hint that he will not stand up for me.

Just 3 days after he told his parents, he told me that his parents are getting hurt and he can't live like this. I begged him to fight for some time. He left, just after 3 days. Then somehow I called him and convinced him to stay with me and fight for our love. But, after 10 days, he again said sorry that he can't go against his family and will marry the one his parents will choose. I promised him that I will try to cope with his family and he does not have to misbehave with family. I requested him to take time and try to convince them. I tried to make him understand that they would agree if the see his persistence....he still left.

I am feeling devastated, as he hasn't contacted since then. I had put a lot of effort for this relationship as it was a long-distance one. It keeps haunting me that he will soon marry another girl and maybe he'll stay happy.

How could he do that? How is he surviving without me now? How can I get over this? In my salat, I always pray to Allah to save me from this misery. In Islam, it is said that Allah doesn't like the person who breaks his promises. Also it is said that breaking someone's heart is equal to breaking a mosque.

But I can't express what I have been going through. Will he be happy with his wife after doing all of this with me? Allah is the most righteous.

Sister in need


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2 Responses »

  1. Dear sister first of all I would like to say be be patient... no doubts you are suffering alot but bear this with patience... it is absolutely ok to like someone, we are humans, we can love, we can hate, as we cannot control our feelings. But my dear friend we can control our actions and that is it when you were wrong... the day when he told you that he loves you, your response should be to sent a marriage proposal, not to get involved with him in secret relationship, when he came to meet you, you should ask him to seek proper permission from his and your parents apart from marriage proposal... My dear sister you are very precious for Allah and He loves you more than anything in this world. no one can compete with His love for you as it is limitless but you should also honour his love for you... why are you begging this guy to marry you, dear sister you deserve a dignified life there is no way you should do this... if he didn't value you, your feelings leave him don't degrade yourself for this so called love. if he is not supporting you this time how will he support you in future... may be this has happened because Allah wants to show you his real face... Allah says sometimes you think this is good for us but it might be bad for you and vice versa... I request you to leave this guy and turn to Allah. may be you find it difficult at first but dear you have to do this... Masha Allah you are good women with a kind heart don't let yourself to degrade for this guy... proposal should be accepted by the parents there is no way to connect a guy through a haram means because at the end of the day we have to pay for it... turn to Allah ask forgiveness and trust his wisdom. may Allah make it easy for you... may your heart find peace.
    Much love and peace

  2. Dear sister first of all I would like to say be be patient... no doubts you are suffering alot but bear this with patience... it is absolutely ok to like someone we are humans we can love, we can hate as we cannot control our feelings but we can control our actions and that is the point when you were wrong... the day he told you that he loves you, your response should be to sent a marriage proposal not to get involved in secret relationship, when he came to meet you, you should ask him to seek proper permission from his and your parents... My dear sister you are very precious for Allah. he loves you more than this anything in this world but you should also honour his love for you... why are you begging him to marry you he deserve a dignified life there is no way you should do this... if he didn't value you leave him don't degrade yourself for this so called love if he is not supporting you this time how will he support you in future... may this has happened because Allah wants to show you his real face... Allah says sometimes you think this is good for us but it might be bad for you and vice versa... I request you to leave this guy and turn to Allah may be you find it difficult at first but dear you have to do this... Masha Allah you are good women with a kind heart don't let yourself to degrade you for this guy... proposal should be accepted by the parents there is no way to connect a guy through a haram means because at the end of the day we have to pay for it... turn to Allah ask forgiveness and trust his wisdom. may Allah make it easy for you... may your heart find peace

    much love
    your Muslim sister

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