Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Will my future wife also have engaged in sexting?

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Salam,

I'm a 21 year old guy getting depressed day by day due to my past sins. I don't know what to do but I am getting depressed and can't share with anyone.

I used to talk to different girls on chat sites and often used to do sexting. I was addicted to sexting and still sometimes get urge to do so but try to control it. A girl got to know about sexting because of me and I hate myself for it. I never wanted to do this anyone. I regret everything.

But Alhumdulillah its been more than 6 months and I have repented seriously. But now, looking at all that makes me depressed. I feel like I have cheated on my future wife, and this regret is making me depressed. I never wanted to do this and as Allah says in Quran "Pure women for pure men". I don't want my wife's past to be like mine. I wish I could go back in past and change what I have done. I don't know what to do, this thought is making me depressed.

I realize what I have done and deeply regret it and ask Allah for peace. But this thought is always on my mind and I don't want my future wife to be involved in all this stuff. I'm getting depressed. I don't know what should I do and how should I repent for all this. I need help!!!

Ahad98

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6 Responses »

  1. You can't cheat on someone you're not with. If anything you cheated yourself by feeding this cheap happiness to yourself. Repend and move over. Part of repetence is to accept you done wrong and nothing you do will change it. How you can change your future so focus on that. And keep this a secret to yourself. Don't be telling a potential spouse that you have dirty talked with a girl as it can come across weird and maybe uncomfortable for her. And because it's not something as big as in taking action, I would just leave it and act like I haven't done it before.

  2. Assalaamualaykum Brother Ahad,

    I believe you are learning a tough life lesson right now, and it's good that Allah is giving you the opportunity to learn it during this dunya rather than in the Akhira. This is a good sign for you that Allah wants the best for you and wants you to redirect your efforts toward the straight path.

    Our actions come replete with consequences, and brother Ahmed is right in that part of repentance is realizing that you have done wrong, accepting it, and moving on. Allah doesn't want you to suffer for the rest of your life just because you did one wrong action. He is All-Merciful.

    As far as cheating on your future wife, that is debatable. It could be as brother Ahmed says that you can't cheat on someone you're not with, or it could be that because Allah has created partners for all as He wills, that you have in essence, "cheated" on that partner. Nevertheless, beating yourself up for all eternity is not what Allah wants from you. You feel bad, are doing the best you can to repent, and forgiveness will be yours so long as you don't repeat this.

    So take comfort in Allah's never-ending Mercy and Forgiveness, the only One whose good opinion you need. Inshallah you will find a good girl with few faults and closeness to Allah, Ameen.

    Best,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  3. Brother Ahad
    I would just add a little to the above mentioned beautiful advices that If you want to compensate you may do like this that you have the chatting ids /chatt history SO you chat back with them or leave msg of Tauba(Repentance)and strongly urge those chatters to stop it.BUT for this YOU have to be very strong,if you fear you will fall in temptations you better quit all chatting.

  4. In the quran, Allah has mentioned over and over again he forgives the biggest of sins, as long as you repent and never go back to committing the same sin again. You can make dua for a righteous partner. Dua of Tahajuud never fails.
    All of the children of Adam will sin that is also mentioned in the quran. I think as long as your wife is loyal to you and respects and loves you, you should not worry about her past. You should believe what she tells you about her past as that is what our prophet did, he trust people and believe what they told him was the truth even though at times he knew that they were lying. Her past and her sins are between her and Allah. I don’t think Allah gave us the write to take matters in our hands and decide who is right or wrong. Let the Almighty decide.
    Our life on earth is not about who is perfect, it is about who is striving to keep away from sins and who is striving to do the right thing.

    May Allah make it easy for you.

  5. Why don't you marry a girl you did sexting with?

  6. Dear Brother Salam,

    Do not worry about future wife too much. She is not yet in your life and you have not cheated on her. As brother Ahmed said that you have cheated to self and repent with Allah.
    As long as Allah forgives, past sins do not matter with people around. Repent and keep on repenting , inshallah things will fall in place for you.
    Pray for a righteous spouse and don’t share with her about the sin you committed as it’s forbidden to talk about sins in Islam.
    Just be righteous now and pray for similar spouse. Even if you marry someone who had a similar past as yours and has repented , accept with open heart as Allah if the forgiver of sins.
    Focus more on present now than worrying about your wife in future.

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