Islamic marriage advice and family advice


I realise that revenge itself is looked down upon in islam, but let me explain the context of my question.

I have been married 5 years with two lovely daughters. During the course of my marriage I was abusive to my wife. She also kept several secrets and indulged in several criminal misdemeanours during this time. Our daughters were the only gel holding us together during this time.

A few months ago, my so called dearest friend was approached by my wife (as her revenge for my abuse) and proceeded to have a full on affair resulting in several consequences. He forced her to get a divorce from me (which she filed for but eventually cancelled). He got her pregnant twice and forced her for an abortion. During this time, my wife realised that her haraam relationship should no longer continue. I eventually faced his family to try to reign him but they have proved helpless.

Rather now he has taken this as an affront to his ego and still continues to pursue my wife even threatening her and my family when his charm and promises of love have lesser effect on her. This situation is creating a vicious environment for my entire family. In normal circumstances, I would divorce my wife and move on.

However, I am in love with her still and feel that her mental depression (which predates even our marriage) is being used in a most evil manner by this man. The laws here in Pakistan do not enforce Shariah nor are they enforceable when dealing against a rich adversary which is the case in my situation. Therefore it is pointless to assume that I can seek justice against this man as per the ideal Islamic interpretation. This brings me to my question / confusion.

I am now no longer concerned with effects on my life but I am worried about committing a major sin which will effect my afterlife. Accordingly, I want clarification as to the following:
1. Is beating him a major sin? If so, to what degree is this a major sin?
2. Is embarrassing him in public , while knowing that he will probably try to kill me in revenge a major sin?
3. Are there any means other than the above whereby I can seek revenge / justice against this man without committing a major sin?
4. Does this man have the chance to bypass Hellfire if he repents to God? I have heard that on the Day of Judgment God may forgive all sins man committed against Him but will not interfere in the disputes between men. So if I do not forgive him he shall be punished in Akhira before proceeding to Jannah. Is this true or can this man still theoretically bypass Hell if he truly repents to God before he dies?
Your answers would be invaluable as I feel that I can no longer contain myself after holding my emotions for so long.


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4 Responses »

  1. Brother
    Let them go
    It will cost you too much
    Trying to get back regarding
    Your bad natured wife and her F-boy
    Divorce her and move on

    Go on and live your life
    There will be justice
    There will be retibution
    Allah never sleeps and
    Never forgets

    Plus should you try and
    Get revenge it may
    Get your lovely girls in trouble

    Maybe your enemies will throw acid on them
    Or sexually assault them.
    Happens all the time.

    You and I both know how spiteful Pakistani culture is.
    Expecially the rich society
    The R in rich stands for rats

    Like Elsa said in frozen
    "Let it go....
    Let it go...."

    Good luck

  2. Brother
    Have saber, Leave it to Allah. You don't have to wait for the day of judgement to get justice, you will see what happens to people who wrongs you even in the this world..for give and move on. Alllah will give you someone better for you or May Allah make your wife repent and be better a wife to you.may Allah give us hidaayaaH.

    Surah Anbiya Prophets; chapter 21 translated by Yusuf Ali: We shall set up scales of justice for the Day of Judgment, so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least, and if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it (to account): and enough are We to take account.

    So even if he repented his good dead will be transferred to the person he has rest assured you will get justice. There is further reward in forgiving.

  3. I think you should divorce her . Life is not worth with woman who got pregnant with other man despite being married . How come you allow your friend come to your house so closely ? It seems you too are wrong here in setting and allowing this haraam environment to continue . Overall ,its not worth to take all the pain about taking revenge on this man when your wife herself went willingly to do zina with him . Better divorce her .Life will be back to normal after few months rather than this undesired situation .

  4. assalam alaikum there is no need for divorcing your wife even she commited a sin depends if she is still
    on that evil path first you should make dua for her,pray special nawafil for her and in every namaz you should make dua for her in tears because allah loves those tears from any person who was falling down from the eyes while asking for for forgiveness from allah.second thing you should not divorced her untill you tried every thing i as told you in my comment and make a mashwarah with a well renowned islamic scholar who have taqwaah,hikmaat and basirat i preffered you should asks from a scholar who was spending time with tablighee jammat because i spend much of time with them in masjid and i find them very honest,loving,helpful .......etc i do not say that all scholar or different sects specially in pakistan are wrong i just gave my personal advice what i experience from them thats why i tell you.every body commits sin my self and all others there is no human who is perfect in this advice you to keep you relation strong with your life partner,make dua for her and for him make dua that allah gave him hadayat and you should ignore him or if he tries to use violence against you or your partner or some kind of harassment to your partner then filled a case against him
    contact with people you thing that they can understands your situation and who are trust worthy.
    last thing is first thing.
    ask allah for help
    believe in allah for ever
    inshallah your problem will be solved
    allah hafiz.

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