My husband is obsessed with dating websites
Aslamoaleikum
My name is Lubna. I have been married for 16 years and I have four kids. My husband is very obsessed with dating and young girls. He is 45 years of age and I am 33 years. Whole night he's been talking to girls and every year he went overseas for business meeting but I am sure that he's been seeing young girls and doing zina.
When I found out and talk to him he totally denied it. But I have lots of proof and also I know he registered himself on various dating sites with his pictures and profile.
I am very confused and stressed out what to do. Because its not just me its my 4 kids also who are suffering. I am also not belong to strong background.
Please guide me on this. Besides if I try to talk to him about this thing he thinks men have every right to enjoy himself. He doesn't feel guilty of his actions.
~Princess78
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Walaykum assalam wr wb,
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds.
Jazakallah khair for letting us earn the reward for giving us the oppurtunity to promote virtue and prevent vice.. As you know, It is an abominable sin, zinaa (fornication or adultery) is a major sin in Islam. It destroys families and tears apart the fabric of the society. It breaks the hearts of husbands and wives and causes a lack of trust and a disillusionment with one's partner that is often permanent.
I sympathize with you and with the pain you must be experiencing.I can understand ur situation , in this modern day the internet has more curses then boon and its the fitrah of Insaan /human that he take wrong use of something given to him.
Well ,Indeed you have every right to inform his parents and elder ,, and try to solve this out internally,if that doesn't work out u can involve the local imam of mosque who is pious and of good aqeedah and bear knowledge.
The main problem is the that he "thinks that whatever he do is right" in this line at first hand he has to realise that whatever he DOES IS WRONG , AND GOING TO EFFECT HIS LIFE AND HEREAFTER,AND U REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND BECAUSE I BELIEVE HE IS CONTROLLED BY HIS LUST AND NAFS ON HIM , TELL HER THAT IF SHE DOES THE SAME? WHAT HE WILL FEEL? DOESN HE FEEL THE SHAME? ITS THE SAME FOR YOU . IF HE SAYS YES,THEN sister realise this that its time for some action to involve his family ,as u have stated that ur family background is not strong do not be afraid have faith in Allah swt, even if his family doesnt give an attentive ear ,bring in notice to the Local Imam .
Make him realise that HE IS DOING ADULTERY AND ITS VERY SEVERE IF IT WAS AN ISLAMIC COUNTRY HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEATH BY NOW !! AND ALLAH HAS SAID IN MANY PLACE IN QURAN REGARDING FORNICATION AND ADULTERY AND ITS A GRIEVOUS SIN, this life will end soon what will he answer hereafter?
; )
Salam,
Maybe give him an ultimatum.
He chooses
a. to stop adultery and be satisfied with one wife
b. marry more wives and do justice between all wives
he must do a or b above or you will do c
c. tell him that you do not want to remain with an adulterer and divorce him
Allah will help you.
First make sure that you are correct in your suspicions because the best deed in the eyes of shaytaan is to separate a husband and wife.
also work on developing your relationship with ALLAH you will need a lot of iman to tackle this problem its not going to be easy.
also try and help others around you develop their relationship with Allah, like your children and husband.
Salaam Sister
Every man has a right to enjoy himself but not like this. He should be enjoying himself with his wife!! Explain to him that what he is doing is haraam. He could give you an STD, a lifelong disease. You need to be bold with him. Threaten him that you would take the kids and move out. Don't let him break you up inside. You are still young sister, you can get a good job and survive on your own.
Salam Sister,
This is heartbreaking. I myself have problems with my husband, but due to porn that he occasionally watches, I see your husbands problem is even worse. None are acceptable. May Allah guide to a wise decision.
Salam Sister
I myself am in a similar situation,
When i married my husband i married him for deen and deen alone, He came across as being very religious and i trusted him even though he had nothing in this wordly life, which did not bother me i wanted someone to help me strenghen my faith for now and for my hereafter, I allowed him to live in my home drive my car and being quite independant i have always worked and never asked anything from him but to pay a small amount of his salary towards the household bills, We have been married 5 months and i am now expecting our first child, I have just found out from the start of our marriage he has been on dating sites with other women arranging to meet up, i can not say that i am aware wether it has gone any further than that, but i am absolutley heartbroken as its not just betrayal but he has acted so pious throughout our marriage which upsets me further as he has made a mockery of our religion, I called an elder from my family and have asked him to leave as i can not bear to look at him, I have no issues with forgiveness for allah's sake but i just know that i will never be able to trust him again as i feel every word he has uttered has been a lie, I really am confused of what to do next can someone give me some advice please
Salam Sister,
I am sorry to say you are not alone in this fight. I have been married 10 years and have 2 girls. I watch my husband whom says he is muslim but is daily on his dating sites. I watch him talking to others online, with my computer. I have voice messages from his phone in further communication with these women. I find myself for the last 5 years trying to fix and heal the relationship and find that it is one sided. I work continually on it right now for my girls whom I love much. My heart is sooooo much broken by my husband whom I will always love. But his love does not reach out to me. I ask all my sisters that read this to please ask Allah to help and pray for my girls and I to have the courage of what we need to do. I have recently found him meeting these women outside only by phone conversations that I heard thru whatsapp from his phone. My life I wanted to be different. I trust Allah that Allah help. He takes from his girls and his wife many things. (food, cloths and and...) to meet and give to these women in documentation proof of this through communication through whatsapp I have managed to get on file. He says he is divorced, he says he is looking for a wife for the last 3 years.
Please advise if Allah is okay if I divorce my husband on these grounds, I have depleted my options, he says he is not talking to these women but I hear his communication with these women. I ask for him to love me but he goes to others instead. My girls are all I have in this world besides our creature (Allah) Alhamdulah.