How can I tell my parents I would like to start the search for a spouse?
Asalamalaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh...
I’m 18 years old. And I’m studying an alimah course and I’m currently in my second year. And I want to get married however I’m not exactly sure how to go about it.
I’m really lonely and have no one to talk to about my problems and sometimes feel quiet down and upset. I’m a teacher and an artist and Allah has given me the ability to be good at anything I put my mind to. I want to marry an Indian who's an alim who's practicing and has a decent beard lol.
I don't care what he looks like. I've been told you know be patient and stuff. And I’m not sure what to do, I want to ask my parents to actually start looking for me but I don’t know how to. I want to ask my teacher but I’m afraid of her.
I've often been told that I've got poor self esteem and people actually do walk over me that's due to my upbringing. During my jahiliya days I was in a relationship for 3 yrs. and it was very upsetting and I got physically ill and mentally hurt. And I just want to get over it.
Please I just need some advice I really just want to get married and forget about my past and lead an obedient life.
Jakhallah hu khairan may Allah accept all your dua for helping a young sister.
~Zoya2K8
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Zoya2k8, Walaykumsalaam,
You are a young striving Muslimah, a teacher, an artist, studying to be Aalimah, you have risen above your past mistakes and you want to marry and and be an obedient Muslim - maashaAllah.
With regards to your past mistakes, it seems you have already made tawbah, so why are you still holding on to it? Allah promises to forgive us our sins if we repent sincerely, so in return, we should believe and trust Him(swt) on this, don't you think? Sometimes it sounds to good to be true, but it is true. Allah(swt) is the Most Merciful and He(swt) loves us, He(swt) wants us to turn back to Him(swt) and to do good. He(swt) does not want us to live in despair by remembering the past again and again, apart from that we should learn from it to improve ourselves. So imagine that you could take your 'past', scrunch it into a little ball, put it inside a little black box, close the lid and throw it far into the depths of an ocean. It will have gone somewhere so far that it'll never be able to affect you again. Read this, it may give you some peace: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/
With regards to wanting to marry, this is a good thing maasha'Allah. I understand sometimes it can be difficult to speak to parents about this subject, but we need to get the message to them somehow, don't we? So could you perhaps speak to a trusted member of the family, like a cousin, aunt, uncle of grandparent? Try that little Sis. Your parents will probably be happy to know that you want to get married. Whatever method you employ, just keep it safe and above board, be wary of going out searching for a spouse on the internet or of meeting men alone.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Maybe you and your family should start a converasation about someone you know. You might talk about how it was right for that person to get married early and get settled and not worry about looking for marriage later. If you parents seem to agree with that idea they might consider marrying you. You may need a third party there too though., they could maybe say that you have also reached the age to marry and you can say that you would if someone good came along. I'm just giving an example here but I'm not sure how well it would work. But at least they'll know you're open to the idea of an early marriage.