Husband cheated but no physical contact
Assalamualaikum,
After 2 years of marriage, I found out that my husband was cheating on me with my own cousin. I found nude pictures of my cousin sent to him, and chats between them which were very intimate and affectionate. They shared phone calls also, and I was told they only held hands and nothing more, but only Allah knows. They even shared 'I love you's'. I was devastated.
I wanted a divorce right away but my husband, who by the way is Hafidh al Quran and leads prayers at the masjid, promised he'd change. Given that we have a son, I decided to forgive him and make the marriage work. However, it has been a year since that happened, and although he hasn't cheated, he has not done anything to make up for what he did. He's never affectionate to me, he barely communicates with me when I'm away visiting my parents, he lets his family insult me, and I just don't feel connected to him as his wife anymore. I feel like he really doesn't love me and is just in this marriage because it's convenient.
I feel like its pointless being married if there's no love, care or affection. What should I do? I've tried to forgive him but every day I remember what happened and how he just doesn't love me anymore. He says he does but he barely shows it. I make dua everyday to Allah to put love and mercy in his heart towards me but I'm just so unhappy. Sometimes I feel I'm better off moving back to the state I used to live in and being with my parents.
Any advice is appreciated Inshaallah.
~Flowery
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salam flowery,
iam so sorry. its so hurtful, so wrong , so bad, i dont know what to say.iam just praying for you that may Allah make it easy for you.
may be talk to him whats happening between you two. (im sure you have already done that) . a meaningful dialogue i guess with intentions to patch relation rather than break it. its hard to live in marriage if there is no love.
Asalaam alaikum Sister Flowery,
Undoubtedly you have been wronged greatly and though, you made no mention of what happened to your cousin, I hope she keeps her distance away from you and your husband forever. It's such a disgrace that she would do such things and surely, your husband must know that making amends in light of your forgiveness is his great resposnibility.
Yet, everything you have written in these sentences is exactly your prescription for remedy:
Be honest with him and sit him down to discuss the course of actions you need for him as a means to reignite your marriage and show you the love, affection and care that you need as a wife.
1. Open and sweet affection: this must be an everyday affirmation of his love to you with words and meaningful actions, as you so tenderly need and desire.
2. He must make the effort to phone, text, and email on occasion to sincerely inquire of you. These should be special moments of longing that you should build on. Tell him that it would warm your heart to hear his voice and read the sweet confessions of love, if he would do so.
3. He must not allow his family to ever disrespect you any more. Many times men forget that by taking a woman out of her father's house, they must honor your rights and ensure that they always defend you in front of others. It is a means of protecting your virtue and keeping your union safe from the vices of other people. Ask him to become your shield against the poisoned arrow words that harm your feminine demeanor.
4. State honestly that you feel that your marriage is in danger. So to save it, you wish to love him and be loved by your husband in return to stave off separation and divorce. Couples forget that marriage requires every day attention to each other in the form of support in all sorts of manifestations. Tell him how you long to stare into each other eyes, talk endlessly into the night and fall carefully asleep in each other's arms.
If possible, suggest a getaway to plan in the near future as a means of stoking the fires of love and compassion between you two. Ask him if he truly desires the best of you, so that you may have the best of him. Tell him that you need the kind manners, the beautiful words of love and the heartfelt compassion of empathy to make your life together a sweet refuge of harmony.
Do not be afraid to cry to him with warm tears while holding his hands to say, "Please love me the way I need of you. Please do not turn my soft heart away into the harsh world denied of the love I know you can give me, if you really want to. My love, my husband...I have forgiven you. Please honor my passion and devotion. I am a tender woman who needs her man to hold me, carry me and kiss away my tears and pain. Love me, my dear. Please."
Insha'allah, those words or ones of your own will melt his heart. I will make dua for you sister. May Allah (swt) bless you and help you in these most trying of days.
Perfect advice, couldnt word it any better, i would recommend you take professor x advice, inshaAllah your marriage will be a warm and harmonious one.
AA;
Good Advice Jazak Allah Khair.
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
she can divorce and remarry if she wishes I have two aunts that had children from their previous marriages and they both managed to find husbands its just the stigma people have attached to marrying a divorcee a person my have had 10 haram relationships nobody says anything to that but when a divorcee wants to get married people think she is not worthy even if she is a nice person.
Salam,
Please try and sit down and talk first.However if nothing is achieved either you accept it and continue and pray to Allah for sabar, or you divorce and re-marry,because marriage without love is difficult.Please donot think he will re-marry and you cannot,this is a false idea to have.Have faith in Allah.
I know many women who have re-married and are very happy, so please do not loose hope. You seem like a nice person and you deserve to be happy valued and respected as you have done nothing wrong and you are not to blame from what you have told me.
If you decide to divorce I ask you to read surrah mariyam oncea day for 40 days after any namaz Inshallah Allah will grant you a suitable life partner. Have faith in Allah. Allah knows what is best for us.
Allah Hafiz.
assalamualikum. it has been one year since we are married. Before that, we were living without Rukhsati for three years. I have been in a relationship with my husband for almost seven years now. My husband started cheating on me three years back. He talks with alot of girls about almost everything even oral sex. i found out a couple of weeks agao and i was devastated. i tried to inquire but he was not willing to talk. He said sorry and that he wouldn't do it again but he is not doing anything to make it up. i feel like he is always running away from me. he doesnot try to make any physical contact also and i'm not 100% sure that he has stopped cheating on me. i don't know what to do...i need some advice please