Can Nikkah be accepted without parent’s permission?
I'm in love with a guy who is also Muslim and we have decided to get married, however my parent is againts me only becuase they want me to marry a doctor on an engineer since this guy that im in love with he could not finish his university degree. The other issue for my parents is he is Sheya and I'm Sunni, however me and him, we are clear about it and have no issues with eachother.
We have tried all different ways to convice my parent through my other family members, but still nothing worked for us. After 8 years friendship we decided to leave eachother but it was just impossible to think about it, because this guy that im in love with has heart problem. If I leave him and if something happens to him I will never forgive my self. And on the other hand I cannot go againts my parent. We have decided not to leave eachother and see if something happen and my parent accept us or else we will stay like this. We have accepted eachother by heart as life partners.
He lives in other country now so we are only in contact by phone, however we tend to come closer to eachother day by day and I thought maybe its not halal without Nikkah. Now my question is that is it haram to be in contact to him without Nikkah (we want to do nikkah but we r helpless)?
And if its haram, if we do Nikkah without my parent's permission will there be issues with it?
Thank you
-Marwa
Entries(RSS)
Asalaam alaikum,
Is there any hope that this man will be able to finish school and attain his degree? If so, then I think on those grounds, your parents would have little to stand on, if this man can provide himself a stable means of supporting you. In this respect, your parents just want to make sure that you are not kept below the standard pf living as per Islam's recommendations for a proper marriage.
Is he mainstream 12'er Shia? If so, this should also be an easier point to get over with helping your parents to understand that at the core of beliefs, Shia and Sunni are the same. It's mostly jurisprudence and fiqh issues that separate the sects. There is a great book of a collection of letters from one Sunni scholar to a Shia scholar that really sheds light on the unity we need to comprehend. If you would like to know of it, just ask.
I know of a Shia and Sunni couple and Mash'allah, they are a strong family with two little girls. I also know of a Shia and Sunni organization in the U.S. that is working of the unity of the ummah, too. Alhamdulillah, there is hope, indeed.
I think your parents may just need some questions answered and you need to help them with it. Let them see that you and this man are committed to make a marriage work. Guide your parents and try to reason with them day by day. Make dua of course and Insha'allah, the best will come to pass.
Also, be careful of continuing a haram relationship. There is simply a point where you'll have to make the decision as to what to do, but you cannot keep delaying this indefinitely. If this man is ready for you and you are willing to live with him regardless of what your parents say, then it's time to make nikkah. You are not helpless in this regard, at all.
Your parents have rights and you should do your best to make them understand, but if their hesitation with no alternative leads you to haram, then that is a sin. Nikkah is Islamically correct, instead.
Salaam Marwa,
You could also get someone influential and pious involved to try and persuade your parents. But I agree its so important you don't continue a haraam relationship. Make sure it is within Islamic boundaries. You certainly should be chatting to or meeting him without a 3rd party present. Preferably a mahram.
I agree with Proferssor X in that try to compromise with parents.
With respect to marrying without parents permission, I do not know for sure. One thing is marrying without their knowledge is not permissible so secret marriages are out of the question sister. For a marriage to be valid you will also need a wali who is usually the father. But a brother can also be a wali as can an imam generally if you dont have a wali. But I strongly strongly advise you against marrying without your parents permission. It will break family ties and cause problems.
I pray that Allah swt helps you find a solution or way out of this situation.
I pray he heals the guy of his heart problem and guides you both on the right path.
Ameen
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
For the girl, there is no nikah without the concent of her father [if he is muslim], but for the man, he can get married without his parents knowledge.
its not a condition.
Abu Az-Zubayr - this is one authentic view point. Who can act as the 'Wali' also depends on the nature of the situation at hand.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Marwa [nice name mashallaahh]
I would advice you not to marry him if you differ in creed/beliefs.
He may be an ordinary muslim who just carries out his obligations, but
when you get married, if he starts starts to become more serious about his tashayyu' [shee'ism] especially if he is an imami, a.k.a ithna'ashari[twelver], ja'fari etc, if he starts to read the books of twelvers like khomieni etc, you will have big problems and disasters as he will indoctrinate his tashayyu' into you and your children.
Because the vast majority of shee'ah are a part of the zanaadiqah [heratical sects who have gone far astray, outside of islam] by the scholars throughtout the ages.
Your creed will become corrupt.
All Shias are Imamis in that they believe in the imamat of the descendants of the Prophet. The 12'ers are the most populous among them, with smaller sects that differ in Imam succession, such as the Ismalis.
Contrary to what gets posted, generally speaking the more religious a Shia becomes, the more open they are to committing towards unity of Sunni and Shia. We see this in the many fatwas of Ayatollah Khomeini supporting Sunnis and other Shia clerics, such as Imam Musa Sadr who created a great project of unity in Lebanon. One of their most respected leaders issued a publicly televised speech in which Ayatollah Sistani of Iraq and Ayatollah Khameini of Iran both agreed that unity was the utmost of importance and that defaming the Mother of the Believers, Aisha, was against the tenets of Shia Islam. It's easily found on youtube.
In many of their narrations, hadith and philosophical teachings, Shia propose unity among the two major sects of Islam and have done so, as recorded in their following of narrations of Ali ibn Abu Talib (as) and his great journal known as The Peak of Eloquence, Nahjal-Balagha. It's also interesting to note that every summer in Iran, Sunni and Shia scholars and thinkers hold seminars to discuss the issues of Islam. They meet cordially with one and other, some are great friends and inspire the hope of unity within the ummah as best as they can.
One of the greatest books written between two scholars in a series of letters, Shia and Sunni respectively, is called Al-Muraja'at, A Shi'i-Sunni dialogue (also known as The Right Path). Here is a small taste of it's introduction:
As for the book's idea, this has long preceded its debates. It shone within my chest ever since my young days just like lightning shining among the clouds, and were boiling in my blood enthusiastically, searching for a straight avenue to stop Muslims at a deadline terminating their chaos and lifting the veil from their vision so that they might look at life more seriously and go back to the roots of their religion as they are enjoined to do. It is only then that they will be able to make their strides to uphold the Rope of Allah all together under the banner which calls unto them to educate themselves and behave as dutiful Brethren strengthening each other.
But the sight of these brethren, who are linked to one another by one principle and one creed, has unfortunately been a violent controversy that gets heated during arguments, just as ignorant folks go to extremes, so much so that it seemed as if controversy in the methods of purusing knowledge was an etiquette in debating, or a final resort. This, indeed, is enough reason for worry which calls for contemplation. This, indeed, invites grief, agony and sorrow; so, what is the solution? What should be done? These circumstances have been plaguing us for hundreds of years, and these calamities have been endangering us from front and back, right and left. That is a pen twisted with barrenness once and harmed by greed another; partisanship pushes it once and once it permits itself to yield to emotion, and between this and that there is reason for embarrassment; so, what should we do? What is the solution?
I have been fed up with all this, and grief has filled my heart; therefore, I reached Egypt by the close of 1329 A.H. hoping to achieve my objective. I was inspired by the hope that I would succeed in satisfying at least part of my desire and be in direct contact with someone with whom I might exchange my views. I hoped that by discussing useful advice, Allah might assist us in achieving our objectives in the land of Kinana (Egypt) and cure the persisting disease endangering Muslims with tearing them apart and plaguing their groups with dissension. I have been able, Praise to Allah, to achieve that goal, for Egypt is a country which plants knowledge and the latter grows in it nurtured by sincerity and submission to the deeprooted Truth through the power of evidence. This distinguishes Egypt and puts it even above all its other unique distinctions.
There, my circumstances being good, my mind peaceful, my soul delighted, I was lucky enough to come in contact with one of its distinguished renown personalities who possessed a broad mind, gentle manners, throbbing heart, vast knowledge and high honour which he rightly enjoyed due to the quality of his religious leadership.
How good are the spirits men of knowledge are known to have, how acceptable their sayings, and how prophetic their manners! As long as an `alim is so well attired, he will always remain good and prosperous, people will be safe and blessed, and nobody will hesitate to voice his opinion or unveil his thought to him.
That was the renown dignitary and Imam of Egypt, and such were our meetings for which we thanked the Almighty without an end or limit.
I complained to him about my worries, and he complained to me about similar worries and uneasiness, and it was a right hour for both of us to contemplate upon that which would, by the Will of Allah, unite ourselves and our nation. We have agreed, thereupon, that: both groups, i.e. the Shi`a and the Sunni, are Muslims who indeed follow the right religion of Islam, that they all are in unanimous agreement regarding the Prophet's message, that there is no basic difference among them on fundamental issues which would impair their adherence to the glorious principles of Islam, that there is really no dispute among them about the basic tenets except that which naturally occurs among mujtahids regarding some rules because of the latter's derivations from the Book or the Sunnah, the consensus, or the fourth proof, and that this does not in any way justify such a huge gap or bottomless pit. What then caused all of this dispute of which the flashes have been sparkling ever since there were two nouns: "Sunni" and "Shi`a"?
Many of the Shia books I have read from Iran use Sunni hadiths for reference when examining a subject of unity or understanding, and creating a greater perspective of Islam. All of this is mainstream Shi'ism and has been so for centuries.
As I said, I know Shia and Sunni couples who are happily married, strong leaders in their communities and propagate the message of Islam together. One couple I know went to Hajj this past year and Masha'allah, their message and work afterwards has shaped Islam for their hometown Sunni masjid as an example of love between Shia and Sunni. Being more religious is an asset to both of them.
Then more a shee'i [Raafidhi a.k.a twelver] becomes more serious about his tashayyu', the more his animosity towards the companions of the messenger of A l l a a h grows, the more he becomes overwhelmed by his tashayyu', the more his rafd [rejection] of tawheed increases, the more his tashayyu' increases, the more he magnifies 'Ali [ra] to positions he does not deserve.
Only muslims who have no idea about the true heratical face of imamiah believe there can be so called unity.
Im sorry, but if you belief muslims can unite just for the sake of unity and upon falsehood, keep that to yourself.
Khomieni makes this topic clear for us.
"We [shee'atu 'Ali] donot believe in a lord who makes Abu Bakr the khalifah of his prophet, and we donot believe in a prophet who makes Abu Bakr his khalifah"
[kashful asraar, 107]
So essentially, what you're pushing is the impossible, because indeed islam and Tashayyu' are two different religions. as khomoini makes crystal clear.
And Lastly The Prophet[saww] said: "Whoever slanders my Companions, upon him is the curse of Allah, the Angles and all the people" (Saheeh, At-Tabaranee, Ibn maajah)
And forget about these pseudo scholars we see nowadays as many claim to be scholars. Read what what the real classical imaams of the Salaf would say about unity with the shee'ah.
Abu Az-Zubayr,
I edited your comment only slightly. I have only two things to say on this topic:
1. You've both made your positions clear and let's end the Sunni-Shiah debate here. I know from experience that if this gets started, it will go on forever.
2. Whether one accepts the Shiah as marriageable and brothers or not, violence against them as we see today in parts of the Muslim world is unacceptable. All it does is tear our nations apart and create anarchy. The Shiah are our neighbors and compatriots. If we disagree with their belief, we can approach them with da'wah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor