Since I got married my family are ruining my life
I am a young muslim woman who is married to a wonderful, caring and loving muslim man Alhamdlilah.
Before I got married I lived a care-free existence and believed I had the true love of my family as a daughter and sister. I was not perfect but Alhmdlilah I loved them as much as I could and would have given any one of my parents, brothers or sisters my life.
Since getting married my family's attitude towards myself and my husband has changed. My siblings are rude towards my husband and show him a lack of respect regardless of the fact that I treat their partners with respect. They constantly critisize me and my husband and try their utmost to manipulate my parents against us. We live with my paternal grandmother as we cannot afford to buy our own home yet. Whenever they come over they make snide remarks about how we are not looking after her and that she is being neglected. This is not the case as we both love her and she is more than well cared for, which everyone except for my family can see.
I know that my mother has sided considerably with my siblings and has started a hate campaign. She has rung my husband's family and complained about me being a horrible person and that they should watch out for me. Alhmdlilah I have wonderful in-laws who love me and know that I am not like my mother says. They are confused and shocked that my mother could do such a thing. My siblings are trying to cut me out of the family and I am really upset.
Why are they doing this? They hate my husband because he loves me. If I don't conform to their wishes they manipulate my parents against me. I don't know what to do. I am barely speaking to my parents because of their blatant unfair treatment of my husband and I. Allah says not to cut ties but unfortunately I am now realising that my whole life I have been controlled by them, and now they want to control my husband and me. As I haven't let this happen, they are exacting revenge by trying to ruin my relationship with my in-laws, my husband and my extended family.
I always thought family were meant to love and support one another. I am lost and feeling depressed. I spend days not going out just wallowing. Spiritually I have lost my way, I can't pray any more, I feel like Allah has abandoned me. Please what can I do?
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asalamu alaikum,
sister what could i say, it must be hard for you, have you asked your parents why are they doing this? no matter what your parents do you still have to treat them in kindness speacially when they attain old age.
sister are you from the u.k? if so you could apply for a council house, or rent a house, move away from your family where they cant interfier with your lives, but still be in touch with your family.
sister you also said you stop prayin? thats not good i advise you to pray, in times of dificultty you need to be patiente and have tawakkul in allah, inshallah hope things work out
ma salama
Salaam
Brother Ahmed thank you for your advices may Allah bless you.
In response to your question I have asked my mother on numerous occasions why she behaves this way. Her only response is that my sisters are rude but they are older, as I do not listen to them (talk nonsense about my husband) I deserve what I get. She believes that it is ok for them to treat me this way as they are older.
Today after many weeks by the grace of Allah I met with my father and alhmdlilah we had a good talk. Unfortunately it seems that he is no longer able to exert any control over his children as they are all grown up adults and therefore he can not do anything about their behaviour.
My only hope is that I move away so please make duaa that InshAllah I get a job in this economic climate. I dont wish to break ties with my siblings but it seems like my only option because they are causing too much pain for me and my husband. I will always keep in contact with my parents but will Allah abandon me? This is what I am scared of. InahAllah I will once again hasten to grab hold of my spiritual connection to Allah the most merciful by praying and asking for forgiveness and help.
Wasalaam
asalamu alaikum,
sister i will make dua for you, if you sincere and you pray to allah he will definately forgive you, so sister you dont need to be scared anymore, i suggest you move away slowly your family are goner miss you, their attitude will gradually change and then everythin should be ok inshallah.
ma salama
salamo alaik
i want to let u know that you r not the only person who be treated like that from her/his family. so patience is the only way for u. as an example, i have never been slapped or hit by someone in whole my life till i marry my husband. and the person who hit me is my mother. i spend all my life respecting her and do whatever she say, when the first time i do what i like to do she hit me savagely even my husband was attending. she don't care about him or about me. i have never know how my mother can be like till i marry.
she think that i love him more than him. when he tries to do something for me she don't let him to do it for me. whatever i say or i do she shout on me. she make me crying for nothing. after my husband trevel to another country to work then she totally changed. sometimes i think this the way she loves me. but soemtimes i think she want me to suffer as she suffer. any way allah forgive us all