My wife and in-laws are causing problems in my marriage
I am 40 years old man having two children of age 12 (boy) and 10( girl). I got married 15 years ago; up until now I spent my married life with some up and downs. But, by the of this year my wife's uncle (my father-in-law's brother) entered into our life, from then onwards my married life is disturbed; my wife is not co-operating with me in anything. She always in favour of her uncle, sister and father; we fight quite frequently. Recently they warned me that if this repeats; they( her parents) will take away my wife and children. Even every time it's her who makes mistake but they behave like this and take her side. I purchased a site of 50laks and got registered in my wifes' name 4 years ago; probably that's gives them confidence to react this way. In these circumstances I seek your guidence. She is torturing me every day.
kindly guide me.
regards
skmbasha
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Salaam skmbasha,
I am sorry that you are having to deal with the interference of family in your marriage, this is terribly frustrating situation to be in.
Because I do not know the cause of your arguments, I have no way of understanding why they are behaving this way: if your wife is in some danger or if there is a legitimate need for their intervention.
What I can say is that it sounds as though whatever you and your wife are going through personally, it has got out of hand and it has reached a level where everyone is feeding anger toward you and you are Joe in a situation where you are being asked to accept whatever comes your way with no say of your own.
I would recommend a meeting with all of the members of the family in which you can state openly that there are problems happening, and that you seek peace, and you seek to mend the anger that has taken over. During this meeting, it is likey that tempers will flare, insults will fly and accusations will be rife. During this moments, you just remain patient, accept responsibility for anything you have done wrong and repeat that whilst you acknowledge your own role, how does the family move forward toward peace amongst each other. You will have to keep repeating this message until everyone calms down and is able to speak rationally. When anger comes, state that you acknowledge the anger: but how is it helping? InshaAllah people will be able to hear you and begin to be reasonable.
Once you have made peace as a group, when you are alone with your wife, you can tell her that her backbiting of you and her inviting the family into your personal lives makes life very difficult got you and that it will be easier for you to make peace with her if she respected your privacy than if she spread it around. She will get defensive and try to blame you for her actions, so when she does this do not rise to anger, but say: "I am only telling you what hurts me so that you are aware" and then tell her that you will try to stop hurting her, but you ask that she try to stop hurting you also.
InshAllah, if you focus on making peace the outcome of all of your interactions with her and your family, then it will happen. Maybe not immediately, but eventually.
Peace,
Leyla
Editor, Islamic Answers
I think you should spend time with your wife, for example take her out for dinner, be a bit romantic for example buy her flowers etc make her feel very special...and then hopefully she will realise how special you are to her and how silly she was for arguing with you...