Serious problems between my wife, my parents and my in-laws
Asla-o-Alakum,
I have got married 5 years back and currently doing PhD in Computer Science from UET Lahore Pakistan. I am also doing a job over here. I am going through some domestic problems and wanna clear those in the light of Islam. Questions are:
1. My wife wants to stay with me (including my little child) here at Lahore but my family including my parents and a elder brother and his family are living 500 Kms away from Lahore. My family is not in the favour of this due to some financial issues because I am the only one who has to fulfill their financial needs. If my family shifts here then I will be able to give them little amount or half of that I am giving them currently. Secondly, I am also not able to give due attention to my studies when the family will be here because at day time I will be doing job and after that I have to give time to the family. Let me guide according to the teaching of Islam as I have mentioned that my parents especially my father is not in the favour of shifting my own family to Lahore.
2. My wife normally visits her parents once in a week and stay there for 2 days in a week. Her parents live nearby our home (5 min walk). My parents do not like that and want that I should restrict her from this attitude but I do not wanna do that because how can I forbid her from her parents. This scenario is creating problem for me and my parents used to use harsh words with my wife but she remained shut because I have told her not to open her mouth in front of my parents. I am feeling guilty that whether I am doing wrong. Please guide me.
My wife is also my cousin and my parents also talk in bad tone about my in-laws as well in front of me and my wife.
I am suffering from intense mental pressure. Your early reply will be highly appreciated.
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Dear brother
1. As i note, your parents are not that old and can take care of themselves. According to Islam you have a duty to take care of them but you need also to protect the rights of your wife. Your parents and your own family need not stay under the same roof. You can well give your wife her home and care for your parents at the same time.
2. Your wife have a right to visit her parents. you are the only person who can object her visit but your parents have no right to say a words about her visit to her parents. Besides, when you are married your wife, you need to protect her in every aspect. by not answering back to your parents she is showing respect to them, thus at the same time you should be able to stand and defend her.
3. you said your parents talk badly about your in laws; this might create frustration in your wife. with time she will not care to respect your parents. you should explain to your parents that they should be careful when they talk.
Always remember, when you married a woman, she left her parents and everyone behind to settle with you and your family. it is your duty to protect her rights and defend her.
Seek Allah guidance. Insha Allah things will get resolved.
I have the same issue and even worse with my parents.. just be fare with all, do your normal duties and leave the rest to God. He knows the inside and out of every person...You cannot change people..
Assalamu alaikum
I am from India and I am living here in UAE. I am facing similar issue... my parents are old. I am only one son for them and i have 3 sisters (elder and married). I have got married 9 years back and i have 2 kids. I cant live with my parents because if i bring my family here, my parents will be alone and they cant live without anyone's help. financially i am ok to bring my wife and kids here. I cant take a decision by ignoring my parents but in other side my life is going on by missing my young age.. please give a solution. My mother cant travel because her leg fractured and she is walking with walker.