Want to marry someone
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh
Alhamdulillah dear Brothers & Sisters, jazaakallah khair for giving me your precious time in reading my post.
Actually Alhamdulillah i'm about to finish my study and Alhamdulillah my parents has already spoken to me about getting married. By the way i'm a guy and i had never approach any girl to talk about life or personal stuffs. I did during my degree level when it came for group assignment but still i was shy to talk to them. I was not feeling ok to come close to them. Allah Ta'ala, through the Du'a of my parents, had protected me from any kind of relationship with girls. I make Du'a that may Allah Azza Wajal protects all our muslim Brothers & Sisters too.
I need advice from you all, please my kind Brothers & Sisters, what should i do?? Alhamdulillah I'm interested in a girl and i don't want to go out with her, nothing else but to get married to her directly. I want to develop the love that i feel for her in a Halaal way not before nikah otherwise it will turn to lust. Actually i'm studying abroad and she also is a foreigner, from a different country from mine. Alhamdulillah what i like with her, is her character. Subhaanallah, she follows Deen like everybody but i had fallen for her character.
Alhamdulillah i had performed Salaatul Istikharah also and Alhamdulillah everything is going well. Anytime i see her, i feel something very strange in my heart, as if its beating faster. I feel really happy when i see her. The problem is that i had never talked to her & i don't have any contact of her family also so as i can ask for her hand in my Nikah. Alhamdulillah before performing Salaatul Istikharah i had already talked to my family about her & Alhamdulillah they agreed.
One thing i had realised is that when she sees me, she smiles and her cheeks become pink. Most of my friends told me that she smiles only with me. I really want to go and talk to her but i feel maybe its not the right way. I don't know where to start if i talk to her also. I don't know what to tell her. One more thing is that all people i know discourage me because i'm brown & the girl is of white skin. I had never ever think the colour matters but my friend are telling me so.
So, please my respected Brothers & Sisters, what should i do?? But for sure i don't want to get into contact with her not even to meet her. But i think i really need to express my feelings but don't know how. I have some idea but my heart is telling me its not according to Islam. Please help...for sure Allah Subhaanahou Wa Ta'ala will rewards you a lot (Sawaab-e-Jaaria).
Jazaakumullah Khair
Assalaamu'alaikum Wa Rahmatoullaahi Wa Barakaatuh.
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Salaams,
I am glad to hear that you have been open and have already spoken to your family about your thoughts about this girl. It's fantastic that they are supportive of you. Use that support in your favor, and have them work on talking to her parents for you. Find out whatever you need to as far as who her parents are so you can give that information to your parents. It's good that the parents speak with one another first before anything else takes place. Don't let what others might say deter you, because they ultimately don't know what can or cannot work out with people of different color.
If her parents are open to letting you and she meet under the supervision of the adults, then at that time you can ask her questions to get to know her better and tell her anything you feel would be appropriate. The key thing is to have the adults coordinating everything that needs to take place, and this is why it is so important to pass the responsibility on to your own parents. If they are supportive of you I am sure they will be more than willing to act on your behalf until you have the nikkah with her completed insha'Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam,
I'm not very good at giving advice, and I'm sorry if I do provide incorrect advice...I think you should build up the courage and ask someone who is reliable like a friend to go up to her and get her parents contact number...and then your parents could take it from there! Alternatively if you can't seem to find someone reliable to speak to her...then you should go up to her and tell her how you feel and see what she thinks! The longer you leave it the more likely you are to lose her! So good luck and please do let us know how it all goes!
Asalaam alaikum,
Please take note of this part of his post:
Actually i'm studying abroad and she also is a foreigner, from a different country from mine.
So I'm not sure that it would be feasible for the parents to initiate the conversation being quite some ways apart, especially if there is a language barrier to be overcome.
Instead, I would advise the brother to find a local alim to help him approach the girl, if possible, to contact her parents in speaking about marriage. This way the alim could act as her wali/representative and with the parent's permission, supervise any marriage talks among the young man and woman, if they desire to do so together.
Making sure that she has a guardian/wali looking out for her would be the best step in talking to her and easing her burden while protecting her modesty and chastity. With an alim present, the introductions would be easier as well, because the both of you would have some type of support.
You could also approach her outright and say,
"Hello, my name is *******. I'm curious to know if you are looking to get married? Is it possible for you to get your parent's permission so we may discuss a possible marriage? I would also like you to have a wali present here, so do you have a family member or an alim/iman who could be one for you?
Be polite and be careful in all regards concerning her situation, as well. It is not shameful to approach her modestly, of course, though you will feel quite nervous and tongue tied. See that you approach her in public and not in private, that the surroundings are comfortable for her and that you keep your gaze lowered when appropriate.
Insha'allah, everything will be a bit nerve wracking, but with Allah (swt) everything will be for the best.
dear brother,
asalamalaikum,
ask your friends , who are giving you all these clues about her, someone can find her intentions towards you, and once you know how she feels , you can pass on the message/intention of marriage to her through common friends. inshallah if its good for you Allah will help you.
iam not sure if someone would have come to me being so direct , asking iam curious to know if you are looking to get married would work or not , i think i may get too scarred to say anything . but a friend of mine was approached in a similar way and alhamdullillah she is married for 10 yrs now .
may Allah help all your good intentions.