While “waiting” for me, he married and divorce.
The best advice is to ask Allah for guidance, and then follow your heart.
As-salamu Alaykum...
Salam, I stumbled upon your site and I am seeking some advice.
I am a Muslim woman and a couple of years ago I met a Revert to Islam. From the very beginning his intentions were pure, he told me that his intentions were to marry me. Unfortunately, our relationship wasn't Halal and we committed major sins. I told my parents about him to avoid sinning but they were unhappy because I was "too young" at that time to get married. Also, they were not pleased with his background; we are from 2 different cultural backgrounds. After that situation, we decided to wait a year or two and re-propose the idea to my parents. Finally, they agreed to meet him we had a meeting between all of us and came to agreement that we may precede after I finish my studies. Unfortunately, that would have taken years. Even after my parents agreed to marry us after my schooling they still give me little comments about finding someone that is the same background as me. It really irritates me because Islam isn't based on culture, social status, or even social caste. It should only matter if he's a practicing Muslim and if he can take care of me financially.
To add to my stress, he has not kept his word to stay loyal towards me while waiting. He had communicated with other women and even got married and divorced. I still forgave him though and kept our plans. Now he still makes many issues arise and blames every argument upon me. I feel so confused because I really do care for him a lot. I’m attached but I question his motives at the same time. Also, I don’t know if I should choose him or my family…
My question is should I even consider marrying this guy?
- Muslimah
5 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
asalamu alaikum,
i suggest you do not marry him. a woman marries a man for 2 things which are 1. his religion 2. his charecteristic, if those to are met then you should accept.
but since he lied, talks with other women and the worst one when you said "Now he still makes many issues arise and blames every argument upon me." if he is doin this now what do you thinks gonna happen after?
also you said you had a relationship with him? sista repent for your action and move on.
ma salama
As salamu alaykum, Muslimah,
I agree with Ahmed in every word he said to you. You are still on time, you deserve someone that comes to you as you go to him.
You know who he is for real, Allah(swt) is showing you a lot of red flags, open your eyes and listen carefully, too many signs, from the begining, you were too young and he took advantage of you, didn´t sound to me that he was so pure or had such good intentions, ...
Please don´t get upset with your parents, this time they are feeling something is wrong, and for certain it is wrong. In your case, I do believe your parents want the best for you, you are blessed with them, someway they have saved you from him, Alhamdulillah.
Get closer to Allah(swt) and I think that you shouldn´t consider the idea of marrying him, Allah(swt) knows best.
All my Unconditional Love and Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The best guidance will come from Allah(swt) , you can make Istikhara, you have all the information about it at the top of the page.
salaam sister......
im new here and i of kind of stumbled my way across here somehow.....i just want to tell u that ur story is similar to my own in the past.....everything u said bout ur situation its like a mirror of my past.....ill tell u the truth even though u can not accept in ur heart but this guy is not for u.....how i know this u may ask but ill tell u,,,, i for 6yrs of my life was with a chinese muslim, he was born as a muslim in china and lived there ...we had a far distance relationship.... in 2008 and 2009 i went to egypt twice for him to meet my family and i spent all my wedding money on on this and he promised me that he will marry me... i brought my wedding lengha and everything but it didnt happen.. anyway for 6YRS!!!! i tried to get married to him but my family didnt agree after many attempts they accepted....like u my family said im too young and so on....many people at that time told me this guy is not good for me....they told me i remeber i had a friend literally crying and telling me that this guy will hurt me....... later on i found out that his family couldnt accept me becuz im not chinese...also he cheated on me many times and like u i forgave him but i didnt really realise that all im doing is hurting myself.....my heart was so set for him i gave him everything i could...until he cheated on me with a girl that got pregnant oh my god i was shocked becuz i thought he was muslim and he has done a greater sin anyway to cut the story short his family forced him to marry her and so he did...on his wedding day he txt me saying he loved me but i deleted his txt message......becuz i realised that he was an idiot even though i did everything for him he still cheated on me and treated me badly....
the moral of this story is that its not worth getting hurt.....let go now and inshallah will get u another guy that inshallah ur family will like even if they dont like him straight away but later on they will......i dont want u to waste 6yrs of ur life waiting for a guy that isnt good for u.....i learned such a big lesson ...i will make dua for u...i was so denial at that time i ignored all the advise that people gave me and i ended up hurt so dont be in this position like i was..........may Allah guide u and all of us.....salaam
Assalam aleykum ya ukhtiy
He is not worthy of your love and care.. Let him go and Allah will surely bless u with a man worth your love and care...
Be blessed sister and stay strong I know how it is to love and let go for the sake of Allah