Is Allah testing me with singledom?
Hi there I am a 32 year old man who is still single and not even found the right partner to settle down with. Now all through my life I have been faithful to my parents and even to my grandmother as well but when the time comes to them to talk about marriage I just get let down by all of them. "Look at your cousin he has found a girl or look at your sister we have found the right man for her". It's always been like this ever since me being the first-born and still I get jealous of them, it looks like a happy life and a happy marriage while poor me has to wait and wait for the right person to come along.
All my life I have been jealous of my friends finding their perfect partners, even jealous of the happy life they have or the holiday destinations they have travelled to. This is why I just get upset by the whole thing and my parents are finding the right person for me as most of the girls I have seen or visited just said no, why is that no one loves me for who I am. I don't smoke, don't drink any alcohol substances or even going around having affairs with girls, oh well it looks to me I will be living in my grandmother's house on my own until she departs from this very world. I just can't think eat and sleep straight it's cause of all these things that are going through my mind why can't I be normal and happy like everybody else, but no it's still the same thing day in and day out why has he not found a girl yet why does he not want to get married, and in the end even my mum is saying it's Allah's will if it happens it happens but I am also worried that if I do find someone then I will end up being 40 or 45 years old then its all downhill for me at this point.
I told all of my problems to a trusted friend and even he was upset by what I was going through, a good-looking lad like yourself and nobody loves you. Then it came to him and he said that Allah is testing you cause he loves you. Now please tell me if this is the truth cause from the looks of it I have been tested from the day I was born to the age I am now. Please help me as I can't stand this it's making me sick and unwell even my parents are worried that I do too much and I don't get any spare time to enjoy my life as well why is it that I have to be tested to the limit havn't I suffered enough. Can't just Allah except me for who I am or does he have something special in store for me in the near future.
~rk008
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Salaam brother,
Sorry to hear what you are going through, I do understand your pain because I am going through something similar. I have been putting alot of effort into finding the right person, and feel pretty hopeless about ever meeting him. I have to say though 32 is pretty young, most people are getting married later than that 🙂
It is hard, and sometimes it doesnt make sense, because you know your marriage material yet people still refuse to marry you. Sometimes you start to wonder whether there is something wrong with you..but there isn't. I see it as a test, Allah swt wants to know how faithful we are to Him. I guess I keep telling myself that we are special and He is making us wait because inshaAllah He will reward us for our patience by blessing us with beautiful spouses who will bring us delight in this world and guide us to happiness in the hereafter.
Obviously, we need to keep trying and do our bit in this world. Have you joined any matrimonial sites? Let your friends know that you want to marry so that they keep an eye out for you? Be pro-active in finding your spouse, and I'm sure inshaAllah you will. You mentioned that previously girls have said no to you, do you know why - if there was a specific reason then perhaps you can work on that?
I know how hard it is brother, and I can understand you feeling low about it and losing motivation, but I would suggest taking care of yourself, take part in sports, other hobbies, focus on your career and try to be happy and smiley. Dont break your confidence over this. If its meant to happen I guess it will, but we cant stop living in the mean time. People are attracted to a happy, successful and confident person - so try to be that person.
Do lots of prayers - make dua after every salat, pray extra hajat prayers during thenight, give to charity, be kind to others and inshaAllah I am sure Allah swt will reward you by answering your duas.
Overall, place your trust in Allah swt, try not to let shaytaan bring you down and cause you to feel despair. Anyway I guess I shouldpractise what I preach - I am in a similar situation and feeling quite hopeless about it.
May Allah swt make it easy for us all, ameen.
Assalamu alaikum brother,
I just want to say, Relax! your only 32 and Allah inshallah will give you the better bride than anyone, because you are patient and you are righteous. Another thing is that for a man age is actually not any issue, you can very well marry at 40 or even 45. For a man it is only normal.
As you said why cant people love you for who you are? That;s the problem of those people who said 'no'. They just weren't worthy of you. You should never ever change who you are, unless your on the wrong path or you are committing any sins.
The one who Allah has created to be your bride will love you because of who you are. So, wait for her because brother she is waiting for you, just as anxiously and eagerly.
no girl wants to marry an old geezer!
Wow. Why being harsh? and I do not think 32 is an old geezer!
Whitelaptop what are you talking about?!?!?!? 32 is NOT old!!!
no he said men can find someone when their 40 which isn't true because most girls say they would never marry a guy at 40 they'd look at the other options out there which they could pick just like us guys come on if you if you were in your 20's you wouldn't marry girl who's 40+ would you?............. though there is nothing wrong with that
and i never said 32 is old
Oh I see, apologies the way you said it it made it sound like 32 was too old.
Sorry whitelaptop but your wrong!
Im in my late 20's and value an older man! Im looking at the soul not the temporary form.
you value older guys because your in your late' 20's most girls younger then you would beg to differ!
Yes they do sister.
In my town and the country as a whole, it is very common for teenage girls to marry a 47-55 year old man.Including my mother $ many of her female relatives.
Because the young girl will have financial security as a grown man is usually stable when it comes to wealth, and not wake up worrying about how they are going to find sustinence as she would do if she married a boy her age or a bit older.
I also think these young girls want a much older man who going to be a rolemodel for them, and rectify their mistakes and have more patience with them than a young man would do.
So its a win win situation, the older man wants a much younger girl for himself, and the young girl wants to have a mature man who is able to fullfill her needs, whether it is advice in hard times due to his experience, wealth, comfort etc.
I suspect that most of these young women are married off to these middle-aged men against their will, and are probably quite distressed about, but are powerless to object.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with Brother Wael.
Whitelaptop your missing the point again... I consider younger and older muslim men....my point is I dont discriminate when it comes to age as IM LOOKING AT CHARACTER not how much mileage he has done.
look brother I don't know what country or what century your from but women in this day and age are independent thinkers ,intelligent ,outgoing etc and so therefore they will choose someone who they want to marry when they want to. The women you mentioned may have been pressured or forced to get married by their family members aganist their will or this maybe because they had little or no choice to accept the marriage proposals in the first place from these men because of their difficult circumstances.
Today Most Muslim women are well educated and mature enough to make their own decisions ,they don't need another man dictating their lives for them and making decisions for them. Alot of Muslim women are becoming teachers ,lawyers doctors and still getting to choose who they want to marry. /Honestly you make it sound like women are helpless and stupid and they need their older male counterparts to make decisions for them.
It would be difficult with an older guy for me personally marriage is about having that connection and and that bond at an intellectual and emotional level with someone however with an older man it would be difficult because we can't relate since we were born in different times and secondly because a 47 year old man is old enough to be my father so it would be awkward and strange when their are plenty of guys my age who I can marry that are serious for marriage and are financially stable.
As salamu alaykum, brother rk,
Thank you for sharing and for opening your Heart to us. Insha´Allah, our words will help you to find the answers you long for, may Allah(swt) help us on that task.
You have received excellent answers already, I just have to add the following.
There is a word that shines in all your writing and more than the word, the passion that the word brings with it when you talk, Jealousy, it was said by the Prophet(saw): "Beware of jealousy, for verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood." [Abu Dawood]
Allah(swt) has forbidden us from desiring what other have, "Do not wish for what we have favored some of you over others." [Soorah an-Nisa (4): 32]
Some remedies to heal our heart from jealousy are the following:
1. Read and recite the Quran. Jeaulosy is a disease of the heart and it is known that the Quran is a healer of the diseases of the Heart. "O mankind! There has come to you a good advice from your Rabb and a healing for that in your chests." [Soorah Yunus (10): 57]
2. Supplicate to Allah to purify your heart. Allah said in the Qur'aan: "And those who came after them say: 'Our Lord! Forgive us and our brethren who have preceded us in Faith and put not in our hearts any hatred against those who have believed. Our Lord! You are indeed full of kindness, Most Merciful." [Soorah al-Hashr (59): 10]
3. Give Sadaqah (charity) for it purifies the heart and sanctifies the soul. It is for this reason Allah said to His Prophet: "Take Sadaqah from their wealth in order to purify them and sanctify them with it." [Soorah at-Tawbah (9): 103]
4. If thoughts of jealousy cross one's mind, he should seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan and busy himself with something that will dispel these insinuating whispers and thoughts.
5. Abu Hurayrah (radhi allahu anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said: "By Allah, in Whose Hand is my soul, you will never enter Paradise until you believe. And you will not believe unless you love one another. May I tell you something that if you do, you may love one another? Spread Salaam amongst yourselves." Ibn Abdul-Barr said: "This proves that Salaam can lift hatred and produce love." [Saheeh Muslim]
++++++Through your writing, I understand too that you are a good man, you have mentioned good qualities about you, but I see a lot of despair and deception too, there is an inner Peace that we get when we get closer to Allah(swt), when we fulfill our duties as muslims, towards ourselves, towards the others and towards Allah(swt), I cannot feel that Peace in you, but you have an easy way to get it, Alhamdulillah.
Follow the steps I mentioned to you before, insha´Allah and pray your salat on time, make dua, go to your masjid for Friday prayer, do wudu consciously and make of your salat the most beautiful time of the day, see how your need of going to meet God, grows with every salat, how your need of Him is fill everytime you pray, insha´Allah. Listen to the Adhan. Be conscious, here and now of all your blessings, count them if it is necessary, begining for breathing, walking, talking, being able to do your primary needs by yourself, being strong to take care of your elders,........masha´Allah you are a shining star and you haven´t seen it yet, but we are here to remind you how to polish all the surface of your being and begin to shine as the muslim man that you are, insha´Allah.
Smile from Heart, you are a person full of blessings, prepare yourself, get ready and when the moment is right you will tune with the muslimah you are called to be, insha´Allah.
Brother Professor X wrote this to a sister, it is a beautiful sentence, you can reflect on it:
"It is said that a woman should be so lost in Allah (swt) that a man would need to seek Him in order to find her. So ask yourself, "Am I so near to Allah (swt) that a man would find me near to Him?
It is in that God-conscious vicinity is where true Love resides"
Be happy for other happiness, see how the love grows in you watching others loving, change the polarity of what you were feeling and you will see, insha´Allah, how you become to wake up to other reality.
And yes, a struggle, it is a test and now you have the tools to get an "A" then insha´Allah, go for it.
Be patience with yourself, I do admire your journey and your Heart, may Allah(swt) ease your suffering and help and guide you all the steps of the way. Ameen.
Allah(swt) knows best.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
The source of the points 1 to 5 and the quotes of the Quran is AHYA.ORG
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
AA:
Not to be harsh, but maybe you are not looking hard enough or maybe your heart is not into it!
I mean, why do you let your parents look for you? You go out, you have a job, you see people, etc. Haven't you ever seen someone that made you think, I wonder if she is married or not? Do you have relatives and family? Plus, if you are marrying to have a good wife and good Muslim family and kids, it should not be hard to find someone. Bu tif you are being picky (Specific education, specific physical description, family, life style, etc) then it will be hard to find someone!!! I think you just need to relax, open your eyes, be honest with yourself about what is your goal, and inshallah things will eb clear and you will find that special someone. 🙂
May ALLAH guide us, grant us patience, and shower us with his mercy.
If I am correct, it is from ALLAH. If I err it is from me, and I pray ALLAH forgives me. Allah knows best.
AA
you can't gaze other women its not right once you have the Habit of doing it you'll do it all the time i think the brother is doing the right thing letting his parents find a spouse for my first marriage i let my parents find ms right
Whitelaptop ...there is nothing wrong with wanting to find your own spouse if you do it the right way and have parents involved! He should be proactive as well as his parents.
whitelaptop the first glance is permitted....anything else is just greedy and not allowed!
That is what I have been doing from day one, cause years ago I was unemployed and struggling and at least my late grandfather said before he died (god rest his soul) if you believe in yourself and prey then good things happen. Now in this time period I DO HAVE A JOB, I DO HAVE FRIENDS but the thing is that I am the one that the family relies on the most and that means running around for them or doing their chores, in the past I have argued, shouted at them and even told them to do their own things. Now you tell me how can a person like me just say rude words to them cause at the end of the day they are family members at the end of the day all I want them is just to give me some space and then I can balaence my social, working life.
dear brother rk008,
salams.
its very easy to say be thankful for what you have and dont be jealous of others. i dont think you are jealous but as one grows older all your peer group are married with kids some havinhg one and some even two. those who were divorced and getting married again. so you just feel bit alone and start thinking i have been waiting patiently for a spouse , when will that happen to me. that is not jealously. that just pure desire for companionship.
dont feel sad about those girls who said no. isnt it good that they said no in the first place rather then keep talking to you building your hopes and then leave , that will truly hurt you . so be thankful to Allah that you did not get exploited. i am older then you and single went to see a potential proposal along with family , he spoke to me briefly then said no . i was then a little disappointed that he did not even want to talk to me or know who iam . i thought may be iam that ugly for him.but inside i had a lot of respect for him that he did not talk to me for months and one day it would have dawned on him that iam ugly or not for him. alhamdulillah . allah protected me.i was talking to another brother he seem to be keen, we talked for few months, he was very keen and reassuring in his talk to i started dreaming a life with him. but one fine day he decided to quit . i was hurt . felt abandoned. if you compare the two brothers wasnt the first one better. so if certain proposal have said no , its a blessing. just say alhamdulillah.
keep looking for potential , ofcourse that doesnot mean that you stand in the market and start picking on people. going to matrimonial websites , through friends, through friends spouses, . you are a man compared to a woman you stand a far better chance in finding a spouse easily. you dont have to compromise on your criterias , you just have to keep the criterias right.
inshallah you will find a good match. look around yourself divorce rate is 50% , atleast Allah has saved you from that test. i personally dont think your state is a test. i think its just a matter of time. inshalllah. that trusted friend of yours if he is married may be his wife can look out for someone. women know a lot of other women who can be good wives.
if you goto masjid dont be ashamed of saying that yes if people asks you what are your plans of getting married and if any potential in mind than to contact you parents.
brother , we live in a time where we just have to be a bit more proactive , as people are living their own lives they think you might be having a lot of proposals and if you are not chosing from them than may be you are too picky or too fussy. but in reality its not like that you are a nice , loving , caring boy , who wants to get married to a reasonable girl.you are just shy to say it bit more loudly then others.
inshallah you will find a wife who will be coolness to your eyes. have faith in Allah and his plan for you. he loves you , he is not testing you , he is just waiting for the right time and person for u.
so smile, cheerup, be happy, inshallah, Allah will grant you happiness of a spouse soon.daily make dua for yourself. Allah is all listening, all knowing and all wise. so seek his help.
lots of duas for you my brother.
As salamu alaykum, friend,
You have given a good advice to this brother, masha´Allah. I just would like to mention something about being thankful and jealousy.
It is not easy to talk about it, specially knowing that after the words will come the test, Alhamdulillah, that keeps a lot away from my mouth and thoughts, Alhamdulillah.
I believe all our blessings comes from Allah(swt) with no doubt about it, Alhamdulillah, knowing this I cannot do more than praise Him for all that I have in my life, this is my choice and I work to make it real. Everytime the whisperings tells me that I deserve the good, I said no, this is a blessing from Allah(swt), He has given it to me as a sign of His Mercy on me, Alhamdulillah. I consider myself a simple, imperfect human being and Allah(swt) had Compassion on me when He put in me the seed of thankfulness, Alhamdulillah, that is why I can tell you this from my Heart that you can work to get it, and Insha´Allah you will feel it as I do, Alhamdulillah. You can begin now, insha´Allah if you want to.
Related to jealousy, the first step for any positive change in our life is to know who we are as much as possible and to know what truly moves us to give the steps in our life, with this I mean, what do I want to get with and where does it come from, my thoughts, my words and my acts?
We have to acknowledge our weaknesses to transmute them into fortitudes, if we are not able to see our weaknesses we won´t be able to change them, that it is why is so important to be honest to ourselves related to who we are and what is moving us from the marrow of our bones, because that is the only way to improve and with this I am just acknowleging that our human unbalanced conditions can be changed to a balance condition, that won´t make saints of us, but insha´Allah, will help us to get our goals as muslims.
I cannot say I am free from jealousy, I work on it every thought I have, I review myself not to damage other human being and not to destroy myself, and the best way I have seen that works with it, apart from all the good tips mentioned in the other comment it is what I said at the end, but I am going to express it in other way that I hope you understand. Everytime I see something I lack and I would like to have, I say the following: "Ya Allah(swt) how Merciful you are, showing me that the good I long for can be gotten in this life if You(swt) considers it the best for me, please my Lord help me to wish what is the best for me, to avoid what is wrong for me, to be always happy with others happiness and be compassionate with those in suffering"
Not a simple word it is easy to say having consciousness of what you are saying, specially knowing how limited and imperfect we are as human beings and that for real after I finish writing this I will be tested by my words. Alhamdulillah, I see this test as a sign that Allah(swt) cares about me and is helping me to polish to get the best out of me, the same He(swt) does with the rest of us, Alhamdulillah.
When we talk, our Heart talks through us, the power of the Word cannot be measured, that is why Alhamdulillah, I am so grateful to you for pointing it out.
Allah(swt) knows best.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Brother
In my humble opinion you are being tested, and Allah (swt) does this to distinguish between his patient and impatient slaves....be grateful that your not being tested by your health, a bad spouse or something a lot lot lot worse!
You can either show patience and be successful in this life and the next or do the reverse of this...the choice is yours!
On a practical level you need to get some 'game', ask someone close to you what they think you could do better, make it someone who will give you honest feedback and then act on this, put your ego to one side and take it on board.
As a single woman I find your ' woe is me attitude' very unattractive, sorry if I am coming across as harsh!
You make out that your being dismissed by all the ladies.... You should be rejecting people too.... but you can only do this if you know what your looking for in a spouse? Do you have three qualities that are non-negotiable in a potential spouse? This should be your base, everything else is flexible, i suggest that the physical aspects be kept flexible and things like integrity be a non-negotiable.
Now when you do find the lady of your dreams are you prepared to accept that there may be some complications included in the package? Do you have the patience and tenacity to overcome these hurdles?
Men are supposed to be hunters, this metrosexual new age man is garbage. If you want a woman then start behaving like a man. This means there may be some obstacles, for eg, your dream woman may reject you after one meeting, it happened to a lot of happy couples that I know. Politely persist again... if you do it the right way...the family will more than likely agree to a second meeting...try to find common ground when conversing...its a fact that women fall in love through their ears and men through their eyes. If you are rejected, be gracious about it! There is nothing worse than a sore loser. That family may admire your manners and put you in touch with another family who may be suitable.
A sensitive ego is a common ailment in young muslim men, if at first you dont succeed brush yourself off and try again, but no more than twice, otherwise you will come across as a stalker.
Take a long look in the mirror, do you see room for improvement. Get a hairstyle that complements your face, choose clothes that suit your shape and skin tone. Make the best of what you got! Empower yourself and have confidence.
Lastly, being single has it plus sides too! You will never have this time again. So learn Surah Yaseen in your spare time as it was our Prophet's (pbuh) wish that his Ummah learn this surah by heart. Learn a language, the list is endless! As an auntie to lots of nephews and nieces I am only too happy to hand them back to their parents at the end of the day ...phewww lol
Good intentions..your bit about the prophet pbuh's wish for his ummah to learn surah yaseen is interesting..what is the source of this information just out of interest.
Ps Jealousy is a very unattractive quality and some scholars debate that it is a minor shirk, it indirectly question's god's judgement.
Also, I dont think a male friend saying your attractive really counts, in fact it is quite worrying!
Asalaam alaykum,
I echo the advice about assessing what were the previous reasons as to why your proposals were rejected. Take your time to assess how you talk and approach these talks with potential spouses, because it may be that you are not communicating properly and effectively.
Also, with all the advice given, I would like to add: May be you are just shopping in the wrong aisle, so to speak?
By this I mean that you maybe not considering women of another culture, ethnicity, country, social status, etc. Often suburban males forget that women who grew up in rural areas may be better choices for them, so think about that in your case. Perhaps you just need to try looking in another country for a spouse. Iraq, Lebanon, Palestine, Afghanistan and places in the Middle East have a high rate of widows and single females due to the wars in that area over the past 30 years. The same can be said of Africa and there is a high percentage of eligible Muslim females scattered all over Asia and Russia. Think about finding a mate in Latin America, where Muslims are more rare and women are having a harder time finding a variety of Muslim males to marry, as well.
Also, how long have you been seriously looking for a spouse? Think about this carefully. Have you got an idea as to how you will plan the next fie years? Women like a man with a good vision for himself, and get a little put off by the "devil may care" attitudes, so assess this point. Have you really been looking for years or have just been taking is casually and only looking for 1 year? What this means is that you cannot expect a princess to be delivered to your doorstep. Just like a precious pearl, you have to work to find it and you have to pry this world open to get at it.
As Sister Maria mentioned, seek Allah (swt) in this quest. If you make yourself a strong presence in your local community and masjid in charitable ways, reciting Qur'an or whatever for the cause of Allah (swt), then the pious women around you will be drawn to you, because you are both on the Straight Path. You may be looking all night for the brightest star forgetting that in the daylight is the closest star of all, the Sun. So in this sense, this is one of Allah's (swt) signs.
I distinctly remember that last year one brother received three inquires from mothers of single girls after volunteering in his masjid for two weeks. All he had done was volunteer in the cause of Allah (swt) and was completely humbled by the fact that this was seen as a great precursor to be considered as a spouse. The initial criteria had been piety and this is what shone forth. Allah (swt) always rewards those who make this genuine effort in His way.
Think about it very carefully and as mentioned join singlemuslim.com. There is a world of single women on there. Marrying is actually quite easy when we put piety above all other issues such as distance, age and status to the wayside.
I also wanted to add that in this test of Allah (swt), He may be challenging you to improve your ideas about what a husband should be, so please read articles, books and listen to lectures about the rights and responsibilities of the husband and wife, respectively. Use this time to educate and broaden your mind about what a true Islamic marriage is supposed to be. With this, you will learn so much more about Islam and get closer to Allah (swt) as the greatest benefit.
This will really get you into focus of what a good marriage is and what a potential spouse should think about marriage, too. This way your conversations with these women can be more successful if you both know what you want, need and desire.
Asalaam alaykum
Brother Professor X
Thankyou for your reply and I understand your point I would love to look in other countries that you have mentioned in your comment, the thing is I have been telling my folks that for a long time but they don't want to, I suppose you want to know the reason why they not going ahead with this it is that most of the women in Iran, Iraq, Egypt and other muslim countries are too westernised meaning going out to clubs, messing around, not listening to my parents etc. But here I am trying to get them out of the old century and into the new century, I would love to meet these women face to face but it's my grandmother who thinks these women will run off with someone else like a white man or a roughneck Pakistani.
All I want is a outgoing, funloving, intellgent girl that will show the love and respect and even live life to the full need I say more.
Dont be upset with being single.....
once you would be engaged in a relationship than you wont be having much time for yourself.....
anyhow keep praying to Allah for an appropriate partner....
till than talk to you family or cousins or friends about getting married....might be they know a girl and they could help you out....
just dont take life too complicated and puzzling...dont rush into the job thing money and everything....first of all its important that you should be a good muslim, a good person, a good son, a good brother. i am not negating the importance of a good career but what i want to say is that just focus on being a good and a decent man also....sometimes people who run into their work career money and all becomes too rigid and too strange that even you cant talk to them....
you should realize that emotions feelings and love has importance in life....so dont worry about finding a girl....there are loads of girl who want to get married as soon as possible....just relax and talk to your elders about it if you are not comfortable in finding the one....
Good luck
Regards
Assalaamalaikum everyone!
Ok so I have read your story and I'm just here to give you some tips about how to get a wife inshaAllah.
By the way, this is coming from a young muslimah who knows a lot about these things due to experience and people around me. Alhumdulilah I have never had relationships, never been involved in anything the kids get up to these days even though I only started practicing a few years ago.
Firstly age is NOT an issue if you tick all/most of the other boxes. Now not all girls are the same; some will accept you just based on your deen and others will have further requirements.
1) Confidence: you have two options: you can see yourself as a single, lonely 32 yr OLD man whose been rejected so many times and who has stress and unhappiness written all over his face. OR you can see yourself as an independent, well-established, mature, intellectual who believes that the lucky woman who will be his wife will be in for the best time of her life when she’s with you. See the difference?
Let me tell you something.....what you feel on the inside, we can see it on your face, in your words, in your eyes. Negative feelings only lead to negative results, hence the rejections. So you need to change the way you think, the way you see yourself. The more you appreciate who you are and what Allah has given you, and you feel content about the freedom and blessings around you...trust me that is what we will see on the outside....and the proposals that you come across will also see a distinguished man who they will want to know about.
2) Approach a potential wife: I completely understand how sometimes relying on other people to find you somebody can be so disheartening. So when you have inshaAllah achieved point number 1) above, you can probably be inspired by what I will say next.
Ok before you guys start saying HARAM...read this story. It happened to me. I was 22 and he was 29. I was out with some friends during the day having lunch the usual stuff. There was a moment of a 5minutes when I was alone walking to my car and he walked up to me, greeted me with salaam, very respectfully, lowered his gaze as he was speaking, and introduced himself: his name, age and occupation, and asked if I was married, he went straight to the point. I was taken aback at first but then I understood the amount of courage it takes to walk up to a sister like that. So I told him I was not married and that if he wants to speak further, he must speak to my elder brother first, so I gave him my brother’s details. He was so shocked and amazed at the same time that instead of giving my own number, I gave my brothers. (This message can probably be useful for some sisters too inshaAllah). So yes, first I met him with my brother, then my parents met him and alhumdulilah everything flowed smoothly from there.
Like i said every woman is different, but what stood out about his character for me was his courage and confidence. Yes you will face rejection, who doesn’t? but you have to carry on and as hard as it may seem…when you finally find your wife, you will appreciate her and love her so much because she was so hard to find. There is wisdom behind everything and inshaAllah if you keep going with faith and good intentions, you won’t focus on how long it’s taking but on how you have to overcome these challenges.
Masalaam
Thanks sister Jameela for sharing this wonderful story with us. Whether you are pursuing marriage with that brother/married that brother or not but still there is a lesson for many sisters out there in your story. Too often sisters don't realize how much courage it takes for a brother to approach a sister for marriage; all they do is ignore or turn them down harshly without considering their feelings. Obviously, they shouldn't just marry any guy but they should have manner to tell brother that they are not interested in a decent way.
Muhammad1982,
IslamicAnswers.com
I agree, I thought the sister's story was very nice too maasha'Allah :O)
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother, quick question.
Where are you from?
I am from England and I live in Manchester
I was married before for 9 years.
(Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. We have other questions in the queue but we'll get to yours as soon as we can, Insha'Allah. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)
Salams
I just really don't think 32 years of age for a male should be a worrying point.
i am a single girl aged 30 years living in Pakistan where if a girl crosses her 25 an still not married then its like a big turmoil for the girl herself and her family.
as it is said in Islam that look to the people below you so you would be able to thank ALLAH and you are in a much better position then they are. so look at all the girls like me who have to go through the society's pitty and endless questions and probing as to why not married yet.
i am sure you don't have to face any of the questions since you are a male and also as i said 32 is not an age for a male to get worried about not being married.
secondly i would advise that since there are so many girls of marriageable age on this forum and you are also looking for one, why don't you consider someone from this forum only. most of us just fret over our situations and difficulties but how many of us actually seek to think of a way forward and actually execute things where we can? i sincerely hope that INSHALALH you will find a partner for you with whom you can spend your life happily.
Why doesn't he meet you and decide you?
you're in his age category and you're Muslim
It's been a year I know lol but better late than never! I don't know if you found anyone yet or not...heck you could be married by now, bess just know that patience is the key to any door. God does have something special in store for you. But keep in mind it's not gonna happen on your time or your parents time or even your friends time. It'll happen at God's time. Which is the perfect timing. Allah knows best