How long should newlyweds be apart?
My wife of less than 12 months wants to return to Algeria for her sisters' wedding I have no problem with this and will happily pay for the trip though I can not afford for both of us to go. I have to work. She wants to go for a month whilst I think two weeks should be adequate. When I suggested this she cried until I gave in. I will miss her terribly while she is gone. While she will be with her family I will be alone. Am I being unreasonable?
Rashed
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Normally, a wife and a husband should be together for every night. Although this may not always be
possible, I think ideally you should travel together. That's better and healthier for your marriage.
Let this be the last time that you stay alone without her. Next time, accompagny her, or let her
accompagny you.
Dear Brother, Asalaamualaykum,
Hmm, I think its very sweet that you will miss your wife so much :O). I know Islamically, a wife must obey her husband with issues pertaining to going out etc, but I think that in a happy marriage, this is more a matter of 'mutual understanding,' rather than 'obedience'.
I am talking from a woman's point of view here: I am sure your wife loves you very much, at the same time, she must love and miss her family too and understandably so. Afterall, she probably spent her entire life growing up with them and is now far away from them. A woman has a lot of adapting to do after marriage, especially if she has to move away and this can be very difficult. I think a husband needs to do his best to help her through this emotionally transitional period.
So I think it would do wonders for you to say to her: "My dearest and beloved Habibiti, I love you dearly and I wish I could keep you with me by my side forever and ever. But I know and understand that you love and miss your family too - this too is the trait of a good Muslimah and that makes me love you even more. I want to see you happy and smiling, so even though it will be very difficult for me as I will miss you so very much, I want you to go to Algeria for a month and enjoy your sister's wedding and family's company. Only on the condition that we talk on skype every day, deal?" And then smile a cheeky puppy eyed smile :O).
Lol, if that sounds abit corny, perhaps you could adapt it slightly, lol.
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Seriously Bro, try and do what makes her happy, as long as she is not taking advantage of you and inshaAllah she will do the same too.
Best Wishes,
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum Brother Rashed,
I am happy you wrote to us. And more happy you arranged for your wife's travel inspite of it being hard for you. Masha Allah. It is nice to know this.
Just one month right? And other months she is there for you.
So trust Allah and calm down your heart. Insha Allah you will miss her more terribly and love her more and this absence will make you long for your wife even more and Insha Allah this wil strengthen your bond and ties with her.
Be fine. Insha Allah she will be fine too. Let her go for a month. She is a woman, someone's daughter, someone's sister in whom you claim rights making Allah a surety over it. So let her be with her family.
Do not make her cry. I am happy you gave in to her demand. I can understand it would feel very lonely, but Allah is pleased with good actions. So be kind and let her go. One month is no long time. It is just 1/12th on an year.
I hope you will be fine, Insha Allah. Keep reading the Qur'an a lot. In her absence, the time you used to spend with her, use it for reorganizing your life in Deen. Learn about Islam. Pray nawafil. Learn Surahs. Pray Tahajjud, make your iimaan stronger and Insha Allah you will not feel lonely.
Remember, Allah is always with us. So I wish you the best of this married life in dunya and best of aakhriah, may Allah accept our du'aas and Insha Allah you will be fine for the month. Trust Allah.
Salaam.
Your brother,
Munib.
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Therefor give good tidings (O Muhammad) to my bondmen, who hear advice and follow the best thereof. Such are those whom Allah guideth, and such are men of understanding.- Surah 39, Az Zumar, verse 17-18.
My brother rashed, u are very very resonable and in fact, i was reading ur question with alot of smiles on my face. . This shows that u love, care and cherish ur wife so much (and vice vasa) and both of u are leaving happily. . . . . If u go through d posts in d previous forums, u will notice how people are complaining bitterly about there partner (husband maltreating there wives, etc) which is very very bad. . . . . I beleive ur post will be a good example to all these bad muslims (those who maltreat thier partner). . . . . . "bad muslims in d sense dat that do not follow d teachings of islam". . . . . Ma salaam