I want a marriage in the eyes of Allah only
Asalam Alaykum,
I am not good with words so I apologize. I am 47; white, american, muslim revert (less than 4 yrs) living in USA. I have been divorced for six years. I would like to marry a muslim man in the eyes of Allah only. I do not wish to go through the headache of USA laws again nor does he. He is divorced too. He is an American citizen with his birth country of Morocco. Allah says that life is to be simple, yes? So is this type of marriage acceptable and then we could live together halal. He does plan to return to his country to live in years to come and I am unsure I will be able to join him immediatley as I have a son from previous marriage born in 2006 that I can not leave USA. Thank you for being easy with your words as I am new to this and am not well voiced.
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Salaams,
I have good news for you sister: You DO NOT have to get a civil marriage to have an Islamic marriage (marriage in the eyes of Allah). However, for your marriage to be Islamically valid, there are conditions that have to be met: You have to have witnesses (a mininum of two men, or one man and two women), you must be given a dowry, and you both have to mutually consent to marry. Some will say you need a wali to represent your interests, but being that you are divorced and have a child there is a case to be made that you can represent yourself. You also need to make sure that you announce the marriage, even if it means just telling your friends and family. Having a small reception is sunnah, as well. If you conduct your nikkah (Islamic wedding) according to its injunctions, then you will be in fact "married in the eyes of Allah" without the need to have a legal or civil union.
However, I would like to say that if he is going back to Morroco while you stay here with your child, this will be a bit of a strain on your bond. Try to spend as much time as you can together, even if it's not in person, and make the intention that you will live together as soon as it is feasible. I can't help but be a little concerned about his reason for wanting to go back to Morocco if he's already an American citizen and has you for a wife. No offense, but I have some friends who recently immigrated to here from Morocco, and they wouldn't go back if you paid them. In the back of my mind I'm getting flags that he might already be married or doing something he shouldn't, but I hope I'm wrong. I am trusting that you know him well and that you both are trying to do what will make you happy as a wedded couple.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I agree with Amy - sounds somewhat fishy. One of my friends had a guy propose to her - same situation as yours (except both were born muslims and from the same country Pakistan, living in the US). She said he did not want the US law bec he did not want the hassle of courts etc if they divorced down the road, so she suggested a pre-nup and guess what? the guy disappeared! He was not sincere and sorry to say, that he only wanted to use her. She was so thankful to Allah that she did not agree to marry him. So delve into why exactly do you both not want the US law to know about the marriage and as Amy said, why does he want to go back to Morocco. Just bec he is a muslim, he still is a human with all our faults/weaknesses.
Actually many save money and invest in morocco. I'm originally Moroccan, my own brother who was born in Europe and also have European citizen, plans to live in morocco in the future. He is opening business there. I einsure you he does not have wife there lol. Actually he is married with a small baby. He will move with them. So my bro raised in europe and still he would love to settle at least few years there. Imagine a moroccan guy who is from there and have his landmark, family etc.m
Morocco is beautiful country but u can be happy there only if you have money and good source of revenue. I met some Moroccan in Florida, one of them really done it, he was USA citizen, he saved money and recently opened a hotel in marrakech. So I'm not sure what his plan is. But I m hearing more and more moroccan dreaming living with good money and comfortable in morocco.
Or he meant to retire there. Many of my uncles returned to morocco when they got retired, after their kids get mature enough and married. I dont say that because I'm Moroccan, but really morocco is really beautiful place to live in, it's also politically stable . It is great if you have good revenue. Maybe he meant to live his old days when he will be over 65years old.
You need to ask him clearly when he would like to go back to morocco.
but this guy is not your brother he is different
Yes I know, but what I wanted to say is that we should give him some credit. Maybe he meant it. My bro is only an example, many Moroccan wish to build business in morocco and remain there, many have done it.
I don't know this guy, but maybe he feels too far from his country and family and he dreams to go back in future. Maybe he lies but it also might be his real intention to settle in morocco. Especially the first generation.
The first generation of Moroccan in Belgium, France were called for work, 99% of them were there to save money and plan to move back. Some moved , but some stayed cos of the children.
I m just saying that it's possible he doesn't lie about his intention.
Asalaam alaikum,
I think it's important to inform foreigners that Morocco may be a nice place for some people, but as with the poor especially, it's hell to live there. Casablanca has some of the seedier sides to it laced with prostitution and the government structure is riddled with corruption. It is a sad fact that they might have one of the most expensive mosques in the world, but also have Muslims who are some of the poorest in that region. The laws are tilted against women and for some Muslims, particularly of other sects, they can be prosecuted and put into prison. Those prisons are considered to be some of the worst in the world and Morocco is known for torturing the prisoners and political dissidents. It is considered riddled with female sex trafficking, as well.
To be honest, it's a place where you might be able to retire, but you would have to remain blind to the injustice there, too.
Yet the biggest problem in this matter is that the woman has a 6 year-old son. His schooling and raising is a priority that cannot be overlooked. How she will be able to balance this reality against future plans is going to be the difficult part.
yes exactly people who move there its for investment or to retire. thats why she needs to ask him when.
hmm about torture it was before by the old king hassan 2. i know the prison u talk; this is history. if u go to morocco u can visit them its open for free for tourists. it starts in meknes
you can go just in marrakesh fes or agadir many other cities u would see even european french german italian mostly having settled there. some married with moroccan.
so anyways thats not the question i dont think this guy wants to go back to live in poor place but with good revenue. if not he would never think to leave usa.
i encourage her to ask him his motivations and espcially when. maybe he just imagine to move when he will have enough money to open business or at his retirement age.
injustice is everywhere. i lived all my life in europe and never felt injustice as much as there. and we cant judge country without having long term experiences. usa gov is very hypocrite there also u have to remain blind. so again thats not the subject. this woman didnt ask if its ok to move there but about her husband to move there. someone said its fishy that he wants to move there later. i just tell her the reality as moroccan i know it happens regulary that moroccan want to move there after saving money. many moroccan in usa florida i met was regretting not to be able to have enough money to settle back to morocco. so yes its possible he saying truth about this. if so the prob will be her son.
@Saara,
You see it is quite unfortunate that how some of our Muslim brothers and sisters who have grown up in Western countries and have no idea how people live in those countries go on about making such statements. I wish if they would have lived their and have seen for themselves how happy people are their, things like prostitution, corruption, un-employment etc etc are everywhere. No place is perfect, people are made to believe that they are living in civilized world when it's just that here crime is very organised and how people's rights are taken away from them very cunningly. Living here in UK for over 5 years I have come across many born Western Muslims who are way more ignorant than many non-Muslim Westerners. They perception of Muslim countries as flawed as of those Muslims living in Muslim countries.
May Allah (swt) help us see the reality and to not judge people based on what we see in zionist media. Amin
@muhammed1982 totaly agreed. I noticed that recently also. even I am Muslim grown up in Europe. I noticed more Muslim from Europe are highlighting the negative points in Muslim countries some even almost idealizing the western countries. I live in gulf country since few years and when I'm on vacation in Europe, some Muslims criticizing gulf men as pervers and all unfaithful and disgusting men. While in Europe, especially in my home country pedophile is a huge problem. Also they talk about jail, ok but what about the current Guantanamo , concentration camp by hitler? But they highlight the prison in morocco which is only a museum today but they will highlight it.
They will highlight Prostitution, in my home country in Europe, you dont need to go to club to see them as in Dubai or other big Arabic cities., but in Europe they have their super pimp and they walk freely in the street and as in Belgium or Amsterdam, they are in a street where many display themselves in big glass. Some of them are transsexual . Unfortunately, police knows they are illegal they don't hold papers and are under a abusive pimp mostly from east Europe but still they don't arrest them. Cos they rent place and bring money. Yes I know that from a sure source. So yes I laugh when Muslim became blind and almost racist against Muslim countries. I would feel more comfortable to have daughter in morocco rather in Europe. About corruption, The ex president of France Jacques Chirac is being arrested as he has done corruption while he was president and sarcozy is even worst. The only difference is that western are good in hiding things. So yes I know a lot of Muslims if they have money they would be more than happy to return to their country, and yes they are happy there and not blind at all. They only need money. But rest is not worst than western countries. I agree with you when you say Zionist media. !!!!!!! Allah opens eyes of all Muslims.
Walaikum salaam,
Those prisons are not museums and it's an injustice to not talk about the people being imprisoned there and on hunger strikes there this very day in Morocco. The U.S. used the government of Morocco to torture Muslims and that is a very clear fact that has been the subject of investigations. Being taught some Suras of the Qur'an by one of my best friends a few years ago who was Moroccan, I can assure you that his life is better abroad than it was there. My other friend, who is Moroccan and left it, agreed likewise.
And yet, the problem is that Morocco is a society that is supposed to uphold Islamic tenets which is something that many Muslims ignore while looking at the West. And no, it hasn't changed much when I know certain Muslims are having to conceal their sect faith and are trying to leave Morocco for the reason of religious persecution. One person I know cannot get married there, because in Morocco if they knew which sect they were from, they would be persecuted. That is a reality that cannot be whitewashed away, and as Muslims it is an injustice that fellow Muslim's plights are ignored by us.
The fact is that the West crumbles due its' own lack of morality, but truly, what comes to the excuse of Islamic societies? For I can understand a society that does not uphold Islamic tenets as being corrupt and bankrupt, but explain to me the condition of Muslim societies that are corrupt? The problem has always been, and Morocco is one of the best examples of a government propped up by the West and used by the West while many of its' people live in abject poverty such as happened in Egypt and happens in Bahrain, where Islam is put aside for the golden rings of kings and dictators. Morocco has been for a long time a place of European getaway debauchery and when Europeans should have been thrown in jail, Muslim women were instead.
For the greatest injustices against Muslims is not done by Christians, Jews or atheists, but by governments of Muslim societies who oppress Muslims. It is a shame in turn, that we are not ready to admit that.
I have also been to Agadir for a marriage alliance .Well if you compare morocco from west THEN AM WITH SARRA.Morocco is way better then hypocritical west and you will find more European tourists there then locals and again they speak against morocco
Salaams,
Just to clarify, Saraa, both Serendipity and I thought it was fishy that the man wanted to live in Morocco ALONE and leave this lady who would be his wife in the USA. I think most would agree with you that wanting to return to build up one's homeland is not fishy in and of itself, but like you said about your brother- most people would take their entire family to do it, or at least wait until they could accompany. For someone to marry a person and then willingly leave them to live in one country while they live elsewhere is certainly suspect. I can't say I know many newlywed women or men who would want to start off their marriage with a long-distance relationship, even if it couldn't be avoided because of child custody issues. Since the purposes and benefits of marriage lie in the husband and wife having regular proximity, it would've probably been suggested that the man find a wife in Morroco instead if that's where he planned on living. But that wasn't the question, so the advice was given based on what was asked. Unfortunately, there have been too many accounts of women who married a man who lived apart from them, and the wife came to find out later it was because the man already had a wife and kids at that location. It is for that reason the cautions were given. This sister will have to evaluate her specific sitaution to determine if it may apply or not.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yes exactly she has to talk to him if they get married. He might tell her that he would want her to follow him, because this is what he may expect from her and they should have this conversation before marriage. So he knows that she won't because of her child.