Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mum is not grateful for the food we cook

Food, rice, beans and plantains

Rice, beans and plantains.

Assalamu Aleikum

I am sure I will be to get the answers I want from here InshaAllah.

First:- we all know that food shouldn't be wasted as there millions of people that cry everyday for it....... but in my mum's case she seems to forget about this.... the problem is my mum doesn't appreciate what Allah has given her (to me it is a gift Alhamdulilah n I thank Allah for it).......

Is it permissible to label the bad food and the good food? My mum confuses everyone in the house.....when we cook food such as rice with beans, plantain etc.....when she sees this kind of food on her plate, she can nearly cry saying I don't like bad food. Especially wen she's been working and immediately she will send us outside no matter whether in the nite or not just to go and get her chicken and chips and then she will start complaining that we don't cook and no one cares for her.

I sometimes remind her to say Alhamdulilah coz some people don't have it and some times she will take it as an insult.........

coz I am older one I normally do the cooking and I find it so hard to cope with it..... but can't say anything.......

I pray to Allah every day to give my mum an appreciatable heart, she never say Alhamdulilah even if we remind her and she says it, she will still put a BUT on it..........Any Advise I will Appreciate InshaAllah.


- Missy12

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3 Responses »

  1. Are you not affording the non veg ingredients for her? If you cannot afford it then understandable, else it is nice to prepare for our mom what she likes.

  2. Salaams,

    I personally think your mother is acting childish and spoiled; it's natural to think that she would be grateful for any food that she has and eat as much of it as she can tolerate if it's something she doesn't care for in particular.

    It sounds like your mother is an innately picky eater. You can try to accomodate that sometimes, but I wouldn't do so all the time for two reasons: 1. it's unreasonable and unfair to everyone else in the household- neglecting their tastes and preferences; 2. it enables her to continue this bad habit.

    If I were in your position, I would continue to cook meals as usual and offer them to her. If she declines, that is her choice and she should be responsible for fixing herself an alternate meal. I would then take whatever portions she left and save it for later as leftovers or offer it to someone else who may want to eat it then and there.

    In the end, you can only do what you can to be a good steward of the food in the house. You can't control what other people do, but I can definitely understand how difficult it is to watch food go to waste (it personally is one of my biggest pet peeves; I'll admit I've even dug perfectly good containers of food out of the trash- that were never opened and weren't spoiled- that were thrown away by house guests just because they were in the fridge three days). Just be clear with her that you are not going to change the cooking habits that have worked for the ENTIRE family because one person has different tastes, and that she is on her own if she is not going to partake of family meals. It may seem harsh, and some might say even disrespectful, but food is too much of a commodity to indulge someone who is wasteful like that.

    -Amy Editor

  3. Dear sister,

    I have a few questions, .....

    How old are you?
    How old is your mother (does she not cook herself?- is she sick?)?
    and why dont your other siblings help out to relieve the cooking responsibility (are they too young or did not learn?)?

    Depending on your answer can we truly understand the situation. From what little i understood, it seems like you are the only one cooking in the household and have a very very picky eater- who is your mother. Cooking is already a huge burden, and to add someone who is not a fan of everything makes life very difficult. May allahmake it easy on you sister.

    She is still your mother-What foods does she like? It is possible to make the foods she likes a few days a week and some days not- because she cant love every single days food if she is picky- which is okay. But if she does not like the food for the day, just say- "I am sorry you didnt like it mom, but this is the only food i had time to make- inshallah i can make something you like another day." Always be kind, and dont let her pickines bother you.

    Also, get assistance with cooking if possible- just because you are the oldest- does not mean you have to be stuck with this duty- other people have to pitch in and take the effort. Because you will burn out if you are working, and cooking and trying to make everyone else happy.

    And sister, always make dua to Allah when you are praying- as for Allah to make things easier for you and for your mother to accept your food.

    i was in the same situation with a very picky husband- but alhamdulilah- only through Alllah's help that my husband became much less picky and he saw how much effort i was putting in- and came to be more accepting of the food i made.

    May allah make things easier for you sister.

    asalamu alikum

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