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Painful experiences are a part of life but we must find a way to get past them

Question:

My sister has been heartbroken for a long time now. Two years to be exact.

She comes crying to me every second day and although I speak to her to console her I really want to find a dua to give to her to pray each day to help her get over this hurt and pain.

- Ismail

Sister Noorah's Answer:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

Dear Ismail, Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It sounds as though your sister is suffering from a deep depression. You do not say why your sister is heartbroken, but of course in most cases this has to do with a love story gone bad. Two years is a very long time to be in such a state, so you should look to what you can do to help her overcome this.

Oftentimes, a person will fall into depression, but instead of recovering after a certain amount of time, the depression will deepen and overtake their lives. It could be she has a predisposition to depression, which can result from a chemical imbalance in the brain, and now the cause of the depression is not important, but the fact of the lasting depression is. It is important that she be evaluated by a medical doctor to see if she has some sort of medical issue that is making the depression continue on so long.

She may benefit from seeing a counselor, someone who can help her talk through her feelings and perhaps provide medication that can help balance the brain chemicals that are out of balance. You should do this as soon as possible because she can cause lasting damage to her body by not taking care of herself.

Of course, she may get a clean bill of health, and if that is the case, then she simply needs to be reminded of Allah and her duty as a Muslimah, and that spending an excessive time in mourning over a lost relationship is an indication of not being satisfied with Allah's Qadr. Try to busy her with daily tasks, play Qur'an in the home, make sure the home does not have bad influences such as statutes and images of living beings. Make the home a place of peace and tranquility. Pray the five daily prayers and help her to do the same.

Make sure she is eating well, as a body that is worn down cannot support a strong spirit. Ask Allah to help her recover; recite surah al Falaq and an Nass, as well as ayat al kursi and add regular Qur'an reading. Don't just recite in Arabic if that is not your native language - read the Qur'an in translation so you can truly understand the meanings of the verses. Bring strong Muslim women to visit your sister to try to keep her busy, and to distract her.

I really feel that you will find some medical component to her longstanding depression. A lack of serotonin or dopamine or another brain chemical may be keeping her in this state. Seek the best medical and psychological help you can, while at the same time making du'a and being constant in your prayers. May Allah help you and help your sister to help herself, Ameen.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com