Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Boyfriend wants me to convert to Islam so that we can marry

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Hi,

My boyfriend is a Muslim. When we were still boyfriend and girlfriend, we talked about marriage and what he's saying was it was okay for him to marry me as a Christian. We're in a relationship for 2 and a half years. He loves me very much, I know that. I gave him my virginity and when I got pregnant, he suddenly got his faith back to Islam and became very religious. He changed his views and will only marry me if I convert to Islam because, he is saying that it is their law that a Muslim man can't marry a Christian woman. He is saying that no imam would marry us if I don't convert to Islam. Is that true? The situation is very unfair for me because I wouldn't have given him my virginity if I knew that I would have to convert to Islam. He didn't tell me anything and he only changed his views recently.

Thanks,

Ayeka989.

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49 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    No, it is NOT true that Muslim men are prohibited from marrying Christian women. On the contrary, according to the Qur'an Muslim men may marry both Christian and Jewish women. They may not, however, marry non-believing (atheist) women or women who practice any form of polytheism.

    “…The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends…”

    [Surah al-Maa’idah 5:5]

    Given the fact that you have already entered a premarital sexual relationship (which is forbidden in Christianity, as well) and have a child together, the two of you should marry as soon as possible. He cannot force you to become Muslim just for the sake of marriage, as God says in the Qu'ran:

    “Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth has been made clear from error. Whoever rejects false worship and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that never breaks. And Allah hears and knows all things.” [Sûrah al-Baqarah 2:256]

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Another thing is ask him to get you a copy of the koran and also books on islam (like book on tawhid, what do muslims beleive, the pillars of islam and articles of faith, the life history and characters of prophet muhammad SAW, the character of a true muslim, etc) so that you can do some research on the the religion at your own pace. .. You might discover the light, guidiance and salvation in it.

      • Salaam sister maria, nice to see your comment.. How are you and your sweet baby daughter?? And your jorney to islam??

        • Salam Mohd,

          I'm fine, every day learning more and more about Islam... I found some Duas that help me to feel better. Also i've been reading the Qur'an every day and i read it loudly for my baby as well. My baby girl is growing and everyday i'm more in love with her.

          Blessings from Allah.

          • dear maria
            asslam alaikum

            i was also a christian girl bti have a muslim boyfried who teach me about islam , allah and his rules..now i m learning about namaz and duas bt nowadays the situation is critical because his family dont want to accept me.because i was christian after dis. what can i do in that?? i m so frustrated now

        • dear moh.

          salam

          i have will converted in muslim and accept islam . and i have deep faith in allah i havent converted cz of my bf.bt now his family dont want to accept me cz of in past i was christian .ab me kya karu pls guide me

    • I'm agree with Sister Amy, I just want to add that if you are non-Muslim and you marry with this guy your son/daughter have to be raising in Islam.

    • SORRY TO SAY BUT ITS REALLY FORBIDDEN IN ISLAM TO EVEN MARRY A CHRISTIAN OR JEWS(PEOPLE OF BOOK)..PLEASE CHECK IT!!I AM PRETTY SURE ABOUT IT!

      • naa its all right i asked my hozur

      • Hi please note Allah is all wise all knowing, he knows that we would seek love,sometimes out the fold in Islam,but has made it permissble bt not encouraged for a muslim man to marry a christian woman or a jewish woman, if they are in a state where the enviroment is Islamic and that the children would be raised islam we should becareful not to create prohibitions when ALLAH swt has allowed such..

        We are human, and we should judge fairly,if it is our place to judge,

  2. @Mohd

    Now do you understand my concern, when I say, people sometimes use RELIGION as a tool or defence to cover up their own shortcomings!

    The man in question (a Muslim, by birth) here, has himself not followed ISLAM stringently, to ask this lady to follow it. In fact, had he been an IDEAL himself, this lady would have perhaps, well before he would have asked her to, readily embraced Islam!

    I strongly condemn his action, for he's bringing bad name to his religion by his irresponsible actions. Won;t you? Won't every Muslim, who loves God more than this man does?

    Why is it, that people never think of anything while doing something they wrongfully desire, but then turn to God when it's time to face the consequences of their impulsive, and irresponsible actions??? Why is it that some people just abuse, God's ability to forgive? They need to understand, God forgives and is merciful towards people who have erred under a certain belief of doing good, not towards people who erred knowingly, or erred while knowing this was NOT right, or erred when swayed by their greed or temptation!!!

    @ayeka989,

    Well, a Muslim man marrying a Christian / Jewish man, is allowed in Islam.

    Why don't the two of you, approach a knowledgeable Islamic scholar or some righteous Muslim, to help this man understand what God actually expects out of him.

    Besides all of these, I do not think, this man is a respectful muslim / human beings. He does something knowing fully well, that this is not allowed to him, this is sin in God's eyes, and then one you're in a catch 22 situation, he threatens you with do this or I shall leave. A very weak Man, he is. He doesn't seem to be caring one bit for his own child. Please think, of taking some wise and good people on board, who know you or him, and can guide you through this. I wish, God blesses this man with the wisdom and strength to do what is right!

  3. I'm not sure how to post a problem and have been trying to for months, so have opted to comment here. Hope you can help!

    I am a Roman Catholic woman who has been best friends with a Muslim man since we were children. Four years ago, we started dating...

    Remainer of question deleted by Editor

  4. Thou if u r not muslim but if u believe in one god that is only Allah, he may still marry you.
    But remember, Islam is the only way to the Jannah (paradise) . so dont think for this temporary life. But think for ur life after death that is perminent. and Allah will never forget non-believers if they die in this state.
    I invite u to accept the only way to success that is Islam.

    THERE IS NO GOD EXCEPT ALLAH. MOHAMMAD (s.a.w.w) IS HIS PROPHET.

  5. Muslims man ARE NOT prohibited to marry christian or jews. But, there is a prob here.The Christians and Jews the Koran mention here was that the True Christian and Jews who used the true Gospel or Torah. Nowadays, there is no single true Christian left as all the Gospels were corrupted and mixed with words of Man. And I can say from the Koran itself talks about oneness of God, similar to the previous words of God in previous books. But the Gospel now talks about Jesus as son of god and trinity. How can you say yu're Christians?

    • Zayn this condition of marrying only the "true" Christians and Jews does not exist in the Quran. In the time of the Prophet (pbuh) the Christians were already worshiping Jesus (as) as the son of God, and worshiping the Trinity. And yet the Quran allowed us to marry them. Also, the Jewish belief has not changed significantly between now and then.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • To add to Br.Wael's comment, some modern day Christians are monotheists and reject the Trinity, too.

        • My goodness, but, yes they did it since the Prophet's time, but, I suggest you hear from Scholars, I don't know but I the scholars which I always refer to is Imam Shaf'ie, Zakir Naik, and my Country's Islamic Leader. Three of them have the same opinion.

          To add, I do agree, some Christians reject Trinity, but that doesn't say they reject Jesus is son of God, and that doesn't prove they are worshipping Allah, and they did say their God is Yahweh, not Allah. And, tell me, which kind of Christians accept Muhammad as the Comforter Jesus prophecised? The only one I can think of is Naufal, relative of Khadija(Prophet's wife). And, if there still are true Christians living in this era, why don't Muslims study their Injil?

          Example, Ahmadiyya said they were Muslims. But are Muslims allowed to marry them No, because they were Kuffurs. Muslims can marry Muslims, so why can't we marry this Ahmadiyya Muslims? Because they say theres a prophet after Muhammad. Are they still Muslim? Same thing applies to Christians or Jews, that some Muslims are marrying

          • Zayn - as I said in my reply to you on another post: some Christians and Jews 'may' be practising shirk and rejecting Prophets of Allah, like other Kuffar - Yes. But, the distinguisihing point is that the Christians and Jews are people of The Book: The Torah and The Injeel and Allah has made the people of the Book an exception, allowing Muslim men to marry their women.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Br.Zayn, you need to study linguistics, because Yahweh is just another language, Hebrew, that refer to God, but its' origins are unclear. That is why they are people of the Book, because they believe in the same and only God. Allah (swt) certainly knows.

            Not every prophet spoke Arabic or did the people. Prophet Isa's (as) language is only spoken in the modern day by people found in parts of Syria, for example.

            And if Christians reject the Trinity, they do not accept Isa (as) as God, but consider Isa (as) as Messiah only.

            And Muslims do study the Bible, as scholars have done so for ages to dissect it to see where it went wrong and how the Qur'an came to correct the contradictions found in it. You are too focused on people who converted to Islam, as being Christian means that you stop accepting prophets after Isa (as). That's what a Christian is.

            No offense to Zakir Naik, but he has admitted that he knows little Islamic History in comparison to other scholars and concentrates on da'wah. He had released a statement saying so when he made a mistake on live television that brought the depth of his knowledge into question. I am unaware of the other scholar you mentioned, however.

        • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

          Modern day Christians can reject Trinity, they still have to accept Muhammad ibn Abdullah sallalahualayhiwasalam as the last Messenger of Allah and become Muslim or they will take their seats in the fire.

  6. asalam o alikum! sir i am feeling very shame to tell you that i have a sex relation ship with my mother's sister..she is married but she was not satisfied from his husband.. her husband didn't touched her from 10 years..can you plz tell me that how could i make it legally? plz reply

    • Ali, you must break off all contact with her and do a sincere tawbah. This is a very big sin you have done, so you must beg forgiveness from Allah every day, and never come near to such a thing again.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      If what you say is true, and this women is truly your mothers sister, then you have committed incest which is far worse then zina with say.....the girl of the street.

      Because even your neighbors wife could become halal for you if her husband divorced her and then you married her.

      But your aunt cannot become halal for you. It can't EVER be legal. It's like saying "can I marry my mother."

      Repent because Allah forgives all sins and get out of this.

    • You can't........

      Its your Auntie, she is not lawful for you to marry EVER.
      the sin you have committed is HUGE....

      You should focus on repent and leave your auntie's marriage problems to her.

  7. If i may advise you.. before you blame your boyfriend, just learn a bit about Islam, is a very beautiful and profound religion which gives the women plenty of rights.. I used to be a christian but i converted to islam by myself alhamdulillah, no boyfriend or whatever other reason.. As a girl i advise u too to just sit down with yourself and evaluate this situation... if u r not even willing to hear about islam and u wouldn't do this and that if u knew you have to convert... how do u expect to raise your children in the islamic faith??? because from a muslim father..the children WILL be muslims too.. Interesting to add that this is the main reasons why Islam prohibits sexual relationships before marriage.. in order to avoid future unhappy kids raised by single parents etc.. So... back to the beginning... friendly advice is to just look at the islam a little bit.. u might actually like it more then u expect.. do it by yourself, not under his influence.. Good luck and may God guide you to do the right thing!

  8. Salam,

    of course it is not prohibited. But I think because of the upbringing of children, the marriage is not

    haram, but makruh. I.e. it is not forbidden, but because the mother shapes the chidren and their

    belief system, their values and morals, she should share the father's faith. The father spends the

    whole day outside, working and earning a living. On the contrary, the mother takes care of the kids

    and spneds the whole day with him. It is recommended that the mother is Muslim therefore. Even

    if she isn't, she has to raise the kids as Muslims. How can she do that if she is not 100%ly convinced
    by Tawhid, the Quran, the Sunnah etc? It would represent an obstacle and I think even if she

    likes Islam to the extent she wants to raise her kids in that belief system, why not accept it then?

    That's at least my opinion. But there is no compulsion in religion.

  9. Assalam alaykoum wa rahmatoullahi wa barkatou.

    Dear sister, who ever told you that a muslim man may not marry a christian woman, it is wrong. It's in the quran in sourat Ma'idah verse 5:
    "This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good)."

    People of the Book refers to the Christians and the Jews.
    But it is required that she is a true believer and that she does believe that there is only ONE God.
    Also, if she left Islam and converted to Judiasm or Christiany it is NOT allowed to wed her.

    It's also obligatory that the children be born and raised according to islamic law. It's commanded in the Quran that muslim parents raise their children as muslims:
    “And those who believe and whose families follow them in Faith,- to them shall We join their families: Nor shall We deprive them (of the fruit) of aught of their works: (Yet) is each individual in pledge for his deeds.” (Surah Al Tur 52:21)

    Also from the Ahadith:
    The Noble Prophet (peace be upon him) in this context, said: “When a believer dies, his work ceases to be except in three areas: a perpetual Sadaqa (charity), some useful knowledge he leaves and a righteous son praying for him.” (Sahih Muslim)

    The Noble Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Everyone of you is a protector and guardian and responsible for your wards and things under your care and a man is a guardian of his family members, and is accountable for those placed under his charge.” (Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim)

    And last I would like to add that the scholars agree that a man may marry a christian or jewish woman, but it's not recommended.
    The reason why they prefer a muslim woman is because that in the case of a divorce (a3oudhou billah) that the mother could get custody of the children hereby interrupting the child's development in an islamic environment. Because the mother is not a muslim, she won't be capable of teaching the children the religion of Islam. If custody is guaranteed to the father, than the marriage can proceed. And Allah swt knows best.

    I hope that I've helped somehow. May Allah swt lead you to the right path. And Bi IdhniLillah you will also convert to the islam.

    Wassalam alaykoum wa rahmatoullahi wa barakatou.
    Ought R.

    • A Muslim man may marry a christian or Jewish women providing she is chaste, and not taken as a 'Girlfriend' otherwise its not permitted, as stated in this verse you have provided below, yet a requirement consistently overlooked

      A Muslim man may only marry a christian/Jewish women in an area where Muslims are the Majority not Minority .........

      She also can't marry this man while pregnant with his child.......

  10. Dear sister.
    Islam is not a new religion and Prophet Mohammed peace be up on him ,did not invent any rather he is Last and the greatest prophet sent by the god to revive his religion; one true religion and the religion of Adam....... Moses.......Jesus. Peace be up on them all.
    Search Google for video talks by Dr zakir naik on Prophet Mohammed peace and blessing on him ; in bible and in holy scriptures of other religion. He will prove this from bible by quoting verses from bible straight and clear with reference of book,chapter and verse.
    Just see and decide yourself

  11. Dear Ali:

    It is not true, according to islam, a muslim man can marry a christian or jewish girl. But as a muslim, my sincere advice to u is that you should read Quran and then make the decision that if u want to be a muslim or not. I hope when u read Quran, you will find your self that islam is the true religion. However, marriage is allowed between a muslim man and a christiam girl. But having the sexual relationship without marriage is not allowed in islam.

    Regards

  12. NO, MARRYING A NON MUSLIM, EITHER IT BE A MAN OR A WOMAN, IS NOT PERMISSIBLE IN ISLAM. MARRYING THE PEOPLE OF THE BOOK (Christians and Jews) "BEFORE YOUR TIME" indicates the people who followed Monotheistic Christianity and Judaism unlike today where all other religions follow some kind of polytheistic beliefs. So, it is not permissible for a muslim to marry a Non Muslim woman/man.

    Also, entering into a pre-marital relationship is strongly condemned in Islam, but since you have gone past that stage, and are pregnant now, I want you to study and know Islam. I'm sure you will accept Islam in the future, InshaAllah, as the way of your life.

  13. Allah has permitted the believing man to marry chaste women from the People of the Book (Jews and Christians).  Allah has prohibited the believers to marry with any of the ‘mushriks’ like Hindus,  Buddhists, etc. until they believe.

    If the woman is a Jew or a Christian,  it is not obligatory for her to convert to Islam before (or after)  the marriage;  and she is permitted to follow her religion if she wishes to do so but her children will flow their fathers religion Islam.

  14. I would like to correct u guys on that, with all due respect, the christian and jews book dont still have the eaxct relevant material that they were revealed with, Unluckily many things and laws have been changed. And non-muslims who existed way back at the time of the Holy Prophet (P.B.U.B) did however have a firm faith in their religion. But nowadays, even the christian have been involved in such activities which were not mentioned in their books, the books contained true faithful guidence to lead a healthy and religious life, but most non-muslims nowadays seem to be following something else.

  15. i have a big problem in my life, i got a relationship with a girl over the phone for 2 years.

    (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  16. hi
    plz help me all
    i want this religion ahmdi so plz help me what can i do

    • Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

      Can you please clarify brother?

    • Atif,

      If you are saying you want to become Ahmadi (meaning - a follower of Gulam Alhmad Qadiyani), it is equal to saying "I want to leave Islam and become a kaafir". However, if you want to regain faith and help yourself return to Allah, then please post your question separately after you login and we shall publish it in turn, in sha Allah.

      Abu Abdul Bari
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. As you have been here

    I would like to tell you about Islam

    We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
    The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.

    why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
    Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.

    Allah says
    “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
    {Quran 51:56}
    _________________

    Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
    HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
    HE is not like us.
    There is no one like HIM.

    Allah says,

    Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
    "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
    He neither begets nor is born,
    "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."

    (Quran 112: 1-4)
    __________________________

    what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?

    Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?

    Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.

    I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.

    Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
    -> quran(dot)come
    - > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
    replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
    __________________
    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  18. You said:
    "he suddenly got his faith back to Islam and became very religious"

    Has this changed your love for him ?
    If not, perhaps consider exploring his faith.
    As father, he will remain a part of both you & your child's life, as will his faith.

  19. Assalamu Alaikum,I go with brother Abdullah,wish u gud luck ameen

  20. my husband converted to islam and i married him before he convert to islam he is marry. my marry with him in islam is valid?? and if the girl he marry before in christian was also convert to islam what happen to their marry in christian it was still valid???

  21. Hi I would like to ask.
    I love a islam women very much from heart she told me it's a must to convert so I did I when for the course knowing they say to convert is for Allah yes agree
    But she was the motive to me for converting because to get marry and now she left me
    Yes I am broken because I really wana marry her that is why I when by all this
    But she took it wrongly
    Sorry of my words if are wrong as am kinda lost don't really know what to do.
    Just I doa that she will be back.

  22. hello guys, can you help me out for 2nd marrige with muslim guy, im hindu and he is muslim but he is laready married now he want to marry with me,,, i also love me but im little confuse can you help me,,,,what is right processor for this 2nd marrige

    • arya, a Muslim cannot marry a Hindu. It is simply not allowed in Islam. The man is already married. Leave him alone and do not disturb his relationship and his life.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Sorry but no-one here is going to support such a union,

      For a start your Hindu, so no Muslim man cannot marry you period, the marriage would not be valid,

      Have some shame, and go find an unmarried man, if this guy comes after you tell him where to get off...... he has a wife, creeping around behind his wife's back is not permissible, that isn't how Polygamy works in Islam,

      needless to say, what on earth, do you want a man that creeps around his wifes back for anyway? whats wrong with you? he will do the same to you!!!

      Leave him alone..........

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