Relationship between mother in-law and daughter in-law
Aslam o Aliakum,
I am married with 2 children. My mother and father (70+ and 80+years) came to spend some time with us from abroad. My mother has some strict attitude and criticize in a way that hurts my wife but on other hand at occasions she seems to be right to address some thing which need to be improved / corrected.
My wife tolerates to her best but also has short temperament. Previously she has reacted improperly at some occasions. My wife usually confront with me about stay of my parents in our house. I always ask her to be patient as my parent will go back after some time and some time we had bitter confrontation amongst us and she asks to leave her. I want to deal with situation with balanced approach and as per sharia
I can't ask my parents to go to my brother's place simply because I should not do this. I want to treat both ends with respect and peacefully. Please guide me what should I do?
Regards
~Writer
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*Read below make sure you wife reads it too before you know it you & your wife will be old then same thing will repeat *********
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered.
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
“We must do something about father” said the daughter in law & son.
“I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor”.
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner without him.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was now served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old grandson watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with scrap pieces of wood on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?” Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
“Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.”
The four-year-old then smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason, neither the husband or the wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
SubhanAllah that was a great story, and one we can learn many leassons from.
Mashalla what a beautiful story.
Does not seem to me that the wife is treating her in laws badly but her mother in law is treating her badly, criticising the daughter in law in her home, and interfering. You should respect your elders and your parents but this is not a licence for them to behave like fools. Mother in law does not need to interfere and as a husband you should ask your mum nicely to not interfere. Everyone does things differently.
its not your parents responsibility to tell your wife what she is doing wrong its yours their not her mum and dad they are your mum and dad not hers she only has to respect them that is it she has no duty towards them
lily & whitelaptop,
First, I would just like to say I have no intention of offending you
through this message so please forgive me if I carelessly do.
I'm sorry but I disagree with you both strongly. After getting married, one should see their in-laws as their own family. Not some kind of burden which is occasionally thrust upon them. I'm sure the sister in this scenario would not answer back to her own parents so she should not do so either to her husbands parents. Elders should be respected regardless of the relation we have with them.
Asalaam alaikum,
Regardless of the mother-in-law's standing, she should have good ahklaq with her daughter-in-law when she advises her and should not be unduly harsh. The same is true in reverse. Furthermore, when a person, no matter who they are, visits another person's house, they are a guest and should remember that their host is to be given due consideration.
The man in the middle, however, should take proper steps to avoid the situation completely by having the parents stay with his brother. There is nothing wrong with that other than pride on the man's part. If he does not wish to do this, he should kindly speak to his mother about it.
Just like water and oil, some things do not mix.
completely agree with professor x the mother in law should treat her with respect regardless .she is not her daughter she is a guest .Also there are no ahadiths or Islamic scripture which says that its her duty to look after her in laws its cultural to live and serve your in laws please do not mix culture and Islam together .
Assalamu alaikum,
I agree with Lily.
I am married for the last 5years and today the of our separation is my mother in law. Alhumdulillah as any good muslim I embraced my mother in law as my own mother, I love my husband very much and he too loves me, and I love the woman who game birth to my husband... in this context I respected my mother in law when she comes to our place.. but to her I was taking over her son, and the intefereces became more and she even would say bad things to the servants about me.. which I would turn a deaf ear. I never disrespect her, treated her well. but ultimately she tood this to her advantage and manupilated my husband and eveyone against me. Today my husband and I are separated because of her. My husband is the only person between us, but at times he too is helpless in standing up for me. She would come to our house and completely take over the house and makes it appear as if I cant do anything right and that i am not a good house wife. My husband loves my cooking and he loves evrything I do for him, but that is not good enough for my MIL. Ultimately she turned my beloved husband too against me. Today we are separated but still loving eachother, as much as I respect my MIL like you say, I wouldnt want her to get hurt agains or go through all the evil things to get rid of me. So I have told my husband to let her live with him, as long as she wants to. Its a sin, if I go back and let her suffer again doing all the evil things all over again to get rid of me. I wouldnt want that for her nor for my husband to have to tolarate all this. Its best if at least they are happy.