Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m a boy who is teased because I have a “girly” personality

Manly art of boxing

What does it mean to be "manly"?

Assalaam Wa' Alaikum

I am a male about to turn 21 years of age and I am writing to you in hope that you may be able to help me. I did not know where else to turn as I am quite embarrassed about my problem, even writing about it does not make me want to discuss it, but I am desperate.

From an early age like about 11 or 12 I have been constantly seen by others as having particularly 'girly' traits, not in any physical way but personality wise. I have always been teased about being quite girly, having a girly or gay personality.

I am not gay and I hate having such a gay personality. I do not know what to do about it, I have tried changing my personality but this is difficult as I do not know what to to change of my personality or how to change it. I hate that I am seen by others as this, I know that what others think of me does not matter but this is seriously starting to affect me and I really want to change!

I have prayed to Allah before, but now I am helpless and do not know what to do. I want to change and have a 'manly' and normal personality, but I do not know how!

I know this may be a unusual question for you, even one which religion might not be able to solve, but at this moment in time, I do not know what else to do. I hope you may be able to help me.

Jazaak Allah

- Ali


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23 Responses »

  1. Brother do not fear -why is this an upset to you and not a compliment?
    Your problem is how you see yourself, not how others see you. Their assessment of your personality could be just as much a compliment or an assessment than a true-judgement.
    There is no real "girly" or "manly" - all such opinions come from media and advertising imagery. In truth, if you are different to the accepted norm - all it means is that you are truly who you are and you are not a product of a massive advertising machine.
    Start telling yourself: "I am happy with myself, and my personality and these comments are nothing more than a compliment to me"
    As soon as you start being flattered by these comments and happy about these comments - so too will the people around you start seeing it this way. Our environment is no more than a projection of our own thoughts - and when you start supporting yourself and being happy with whatever feedback you have about you, and start being happy about the way people see you - so too will the people around you start seeing you that way.
    Be happy! You are a real person and not a produced person! Do you understand how wonderful that is?!

    You will have a very good life as soon as you start recognising that you are real and not pretend and that that is a great, wonderful and very special freedom and quality.

    Peace, Leyla

    • Sister Leyla, the reason it's not a compliment is because he has been teased about it - probably mercilessly - for ten years now.

      I think it's good to advise people to be happy with the character traits that Allah and nature have given them, so I agree with you on that front, but what if it's possible for him to make a few changes that will not burden him but will give him some relief from other people's teasing?

      • Brother Wael, I get your point...absolutely! But no - why should he change? I only speak from my own experiences - for years I was teased for being the tallest girl in my school, and I developed a massive complex about it. But today, people envy my height and I am happy with myself

        Likewise, this brother can be happy with himself also. We all get teased at some stage in our lives - the trick is to become resilient. If he changes - what next? Height? Eye colour? Hair - one day it could be because he is Muslim.

        Confidence building hobbies is the way forward: martial arts, dance, volunteer work, being part of a team...anything that builds confidence and resilience - because we cant change who we are - we can just become comfortable with it...

        No Brother Wael?

        Peace, Leyla

        • I too understand your point sister Leyla, and it's absolutely valid. When we start changing ourselves to please other people, it's a slippery slope and who knows where it will end.

          But you suggested some confidence building hobbies, and that's all I really suggested too, right? Martial arts and weight lifting. True I also suggested growing a beard, but that's a Sunnah tradition anyway and a good thing. So I did not suggest that he change his personality in any way, or his character, or do anything un-Islamic.

          • God bless you broher Wael, and grant youp eace and happiness in abundance - elhamdulilah, we do agree after all

  2. Asalamalikum brother, I'm afraid that the prophet(saas) would disagree with sister Leyla on a few points:
    From Sahih Bukhari:
    Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet cursed effeminate men (those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners of women) and those women who assume the manners of men, and he said, "Turn them out of your houses ." The Prophet turned out such-and-such man, and 'Umar turned out such-and-such woman. (Book #72, Hadith #774)

    First, you have to identify why you are behaving this way. Were you raised up with girls? It could be you picked up their manners. If that is so, then, perhaps you can also pick up the manners of males. The problem is that there are many types of males. Find a role model that is respected by other males and learn from him. Compare the way he talks to the way you talk, and to the way girls talk. You can use movies for this. After a while, if you keep practicing, it will become natural. Do it step by step. For example, you can start simply with the way you walk. Note that this is just my opinion, inshallah it might help. May Allah swt make it easy for you.

    • I intend to reply to the original post when I have time Insha'Allah, but I just wanted to say to Yusef that I don't believe this hadith applies in this situation, because this brother has not "assumed" any female traits. That hadith refers to people who deliberately choose to adopt or assume cross-gender behaviors.

      This brother (Ali) has not consciously put any behaviors on. He has not made a decision to to wear female clothing, or makeup, or style his hair in a feminine fashion. I did not get the impression that he is doing any of those things.

      Maybe the brother could clear it up and explain exactly what is "girly" about his personality, but my impression is that he's referring to the way he talks and laughs, maybe the way he moves his hands or carries his body, etc, and these are natural elements of his personality, not artificial behaviors that he assumed.

  3. Alright. Brother Ali, you have not specified exactly what are these girly mannerisms you are talking about, but I imagine you are referring to things like the way you talk, the way you laugh, maybe the way you walk and move your hands, etc. Maybe you also have a slight build.

    So here's my advice, and maybe the ladies will think that this is too much of a "macho" approach, but we are men and we understand men's issues. Whether this advice is good or not is for you to decide, brother Ali.

    1. Grow your beard, and not a cleanly trimmed goatee or a chin-line affectation, but a full beard. Just let it grow, as long and bushy as it will get. It costs you nothing and I guarantee that this action by itself will offset a lot of whatever "girly" mannerisms you have.

    2. Lift weights and eat lots of protein. This might be difficult at first, but keep at it. Hit the weights for at least an hour, three times a week. Over time you will put on some muscle, and again that will help to dispel your "girly" image.

    3. Take up martial arts, not because it makes you look macho, but because martial arts will teach you a way of moving and walking that will be smoother and more balanced, and might not look so girly. And people might think twice about harassing you when they know you can kick their b***s.

    These are all physical things that are good for your health, or are a part of your deen, and do not require you making any drastic changes to your personality.

    • Brother Wael, your advice is so practical, lol. Well I thought this one was best to be answered by a male, as you said, men understand men's issues more.

      However, Brother Ali - please do give us feedback inshaAllah. Let us know if Br Wael has tackled the right issues here or is the problem something else. As I note you saying that the teasing is not from a physical perspective but more personality wise. Do share more detail with us inshaAllah as having a deeper insight will allows us to understand you and help you in a better way. And we do want to help you inshaAllah : )

      We await your feedback...

      Salaams

  4. Brother Ali, there's one other question I should have thought to ask you: who are these people who are teasing you? I can understand that when you were younger it happened in school, but now that you are 21? Are they university students? Work colleagues? "Friends"?

    If they are people you consider friends, then you need new friends.

    If they are work colleagues then it could be considered harassment under the law.

    If they are school mates then they need to mind their own business and worry about their own academic careers.

  5. Here's a response from brother Fulcrum_110, who is a a reader from Muxlim.com:

    My Dearest brother Ali

    Assalamo alaikom

    I read your post. I am so sorry that you are going through these tough times created by a bunch of illiterate, ignorant low esteemed goofs who can not see the light pole in their own eyes and try to find a little thorn on others backyard. !!!

    My Brother, Almost a majority of guys go through this period where they are criticized for being a bit more feminine than others. this is a natural process for a lots of people. those who dont admit it, they are the fake ones.

    what I would do if I was you; Let them sing their songs. Look at them and feel sorry for them. for they are blind with their eyes open. and stupid with their brains in idle. and dumb with their tongue in idle service. I ACTUALLY THINK and BELIEVE THEY ARE jealous about your higher standards, in life, intelligence, great manners, and loving attitude.

    I am sure you are doing great in schools, while they are good in growing beard and following another one just a bit older but the same, dumb deaf and stupid.

    I can tell you this much;

    1- If anyone makes fun of someone else, in anyway that would belittle that person, or try in any way to humiliate that person, no matter what type justification he or she comes up with, his prayers, fasting............anything he or she has done for Allah is NULL. and thrown out.

    2- In Islam as Allah SWT says; if you have done anything of a sin nature it is forgivable by Him SWT .
    BUT when you involve another being, be it a bird or a human there is no FORGIVENESS what so ever in the day of judgment, and on top of that a harsh treatment by ALLAH on the PERSON's (third person)
    behalf in this WORLD even if you forgive them. Allah will not forgive them.

    3- You are OK my brother Ali. You are cool. Dua is the Koran. and the best Dua; Wake up one night or a part of it, and wash yourself and stand up for prayer. Don't worry about the Arabic vocabulary parts of it, TALK TO HIM IN RESPECT, AND UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. talk to Him in your language, FOR ALLAH SAYS; IF THEY ASK YOU OF ME, TELL THEM OH PROPHET (SAWA) I AM CLOSER THAN THAN THEIR BLOOD VESSELS IN THEIR NECKS. CLOSER THAN YOUR HEART TO YOU. JUST HONESTLY TALK TO HIM, and I promise you before the Noon you will have your answer in your hands, as ALLAH SWT promises it HIMSELF.

    Keep your studies up, your grades higher, and succeed, you success is the bigger and worst THORN in their eyes than you could ever imagine.

    Safe guard yourself from all that you would not do, (if you could see ALLAH) and stay away from those who talk idle and talk of others than cry for their own salvation.

    I feel my heart opens up with these words, I am sure ALLAH has heard YOUR CRY.

    I am so proud to have a brother like you, feminine or not, You are a man that ALLAH created with all your special attributes, qualities within you, be proud who you are, what you are ( a Muslim or a believing Brother, a man of responsibilities, intelligence and insight.....) be proud BECAUSE ALLAH IS PROUD OF YOU!!! how can I say that? becuase when Quran say, ...And He created Adam SA then HE ordered all his angels SAA to prostrate before His creation. for you are His SIGN. Unfortunatley those deaf, dumb and blinds were used to be too, but as the second chapter in QURAN explains in the 5 and 6th and second whole page of that chapter, they insisted on being stupid, so Allah helped them achieve what they asked for, after all ALLAH SWT says, you ask and shall be granted. ( meaning if you really really wnat something you shall have it) they chose stupidity and they got it, including a lock upon their hearts so they would never understand again. ( PHD in stupidity)

    Love you bro.

    May Allah Almighty bless you and us all inshaAllah so we would enjoy His Mercy, Grace, Love, Forgiveness, and May ALLAH almighty give is the MERCY and the Gift of CRITIQUE so we could criticize ourselves over and over again, before pointing fingers at someone else than our own faces in the mirror of life, before Allah SWT.

    Amen Ya Rab Al Alameen

  6. Asalaamualaikum Dear Brother Ali,

    I have thought about your post for the last few days. Our brothers and sisters tried to advise you according to the little detail you gave - may Allah reward them for their kind and sincere efforts and good advice. But I noticed you had mentioned that you felt people were ridiculing you over your personality and wanted to say something about that. I was hoping you would write in again and share more detail with us, but as you didnt, it was difficult to offer you anymore specific advice.

    So after that, the only thing that comes to my mind when we talk of personality is that of our beloved Prophet Muhammed(saw).

    To my understanding, what defines one's character are his beliefs and principles. One could have a pious character, another may not have such a pious character - it is the innate pulling of one towards his good or bad nafs. I believe the personality is interwined with the character and is influenced by it. This is just my own thought up definition and I may be completely wrong, but I thought it would be good for you and us all to remind ourselves that we have been blessed with the best example of mankind through our beloved Prophet and Messenger Muhammed(saw).

    So if we are searching for something or someone to help improve ourselves, why not look to him(saw) for example, for when the mother of believers Aisah (ra) was asked to describe Muhammed(saw)'s character, she gave a very beautiful and comprehensive answer. She said about him(saw): "His character was the Qur'an". (Bukhari) SubhaanAllah!!!

    This is quite a lengthy post, but I hope you will read it inshaAllah as it describes the beauty of our Prophet's character. It should be an inspiration for us ALL inshaAllah.

    Below is a beautifully summarised description of the character of Muhammed(saw) from Tirmidhi:

    'Imaam Hasan (RA) says, (my younger brother) Husayn said: "I asked my father (Sayyidina 'Ali (RA)) about the conduct of Rasulillah (SAW) and he replied:

    'Rasulillah (SAW) was always happy and easy mannered. There was always a smile and a sign of happiness on his blessed face. He was soft-natured and when the people needed his approval, he easily gave consent. He did not speak in a harsh tone nor was he stone-hearted. He did not scream while speaking, nor was he rude or spoke indecently.

    He did not seek other's faults. He never overpraised anything nor exceeded in joking, nor was he a miser. He kept away from undesirable language and did not make as if he did not hear anything. If he did not agree with the next person's wish he did not make that person feel disheartened, nor did he promise anything to that person.

    He completely kept himself away from three things: from arguments, pride and senseless utterances.

    He prohibited people from three things. He did not disgrace or insult anyone, nor look for the faults of others, he only spoke that from which thawaab and reward was attained. When he spoke, those present bowed their heads in such a manner, as if birds were sitting on their heads. When he completed his talks, the others would begin speaking. They did not argue before him regarding anything. Whenever one spoke to him the other would keep quiet and listen till he would finish. The speech of every person was as if the first person was speaking.

    When all laughed for something, he would laugh too. The things that surprised the people, he would also show his surprise regarding that. He exercised patience at the harshness and indecent questions of a traveller. Rasulillah (SAW)' would say: 'When you see a person in need, then always help that person. (If someone praised him, he would detest it). If someone, by way of thanks praised him, he would remain silent. He did not interrupt someone talking and did not begin speaking when someone else was busy speaking. If one exceeded the limits he would stop him or would get up and leave'.

    (Shamaail Tirmidhi)

    Furthermore: the information below was taken from:
    http://www.radianceweekly.com/191/4925/PROPHET-MUHAMMAD-saw-His-Message-to-Humanity/2010-02-14/Cover-Story/Story-Detail/MUHAMMAD-sawHis-Character-and-Features.html

    - Aayisha (ra) related that when the Prophet (saw) said anything negative about anyone, he never mentioned the person by name. He would rather say what type of person are those who do such things. Most of the time, he kept silent and never talked unnecessarily. His speech was always clear neither so long as to contain unnecessary details nor so short as to exclude some essential points. His walking was moderate neither so slow as to become cumbersome to others in his company nor so fast to cause exhaustion. In short, he practised moderation in every aspect of life.

    - When the Prophet (saw) was in the company of his companions, he was so close to them that a newcomer wouldn’t recognise him distinctly and would ask for the Prophet to be pointed out to him. He did not like to eat anything that might cause a smell to emit from his mouth.

    - He applied all sources and resources in accomplishing any task, but left the outcome to Allah the Almighty. And he was least afraid of the result going against his hope. He showed humility but not meanness. He was not rude and rash; he practised generosity but not extravagance. Whoever came to him all of a sudden felt awe-stricken but when seated beside him began to love him.

    - Whenever he had two ways to do a thing, he followed the easier one. He took part in manly sports and exercises like archery, shooting and horse-racing with his companions.

    Allah says in the Qur’ān in Surah Saba verse number 28:
    “We have not sent thee but as a (messenger) to all mankind, giving them glad tidings and warning them but most men know not.”

    - The Prophet(saw) said: “God adorned Islam with good character and beautiful actions. Good company, good manners, modest talk, doing good to others, spreading peace, visiting the ill – pious or sinner, treating good with a neighbour – believer or non-believer, showing honour to a Muslim having honour, to accept invitation, to forgive, to settle disputes among the people, to give charity, to greet first, to pardon the faults of the people, to give up songs and jests which Islam prohibited, not to backbite, to speak the truth, to give up miserliness, greed, deceit, to give up bad treatment with enemy, not to cut off blood tie, to give up bad conduct, enmity, oppression etc. are the attributes of a believer.”

    - The Prophet (saw) never cursed anybody. Once when he was in the battlefield, he was asked: “O Messenger of God, it would have been better if you would have cursed the enemies. He said: “God sent me as a mercy and not as great cursor.” The Holy Qur’ān says: “We have sent you only as a mercy for (everybody in) the universe” (68:4).

    - The Prophet (saw) never put burden on people. He used to select easier of two things, and keep away if there is any sin therein or anything to cut off relationships. He used to fulfil the needs of anyone who required his help, whether a slave or a free man.

    - Ten years, said Anas, his servant, “I served the Prophet and he never said as much as “uff” to me. He was very affectionate to his family. He was very fond of children; he would stop them in the streets and pat their little heads. He never struck anyone in his life. He visited the sick... mended his own clothes, milked the goats, and waited upon himself. He never first drew his hand out of another man’s palm, and turned not before the other had turned.”

    - Prophet Muhammad (saw)’s personality and character influenced human beings all over the world. He was in fact the saviour of human beings. The great impact he made in the Arab world paved the way for Islamic civilization in Europe, which in turn supplied materials for European reformation and renaissance.

    - Thomas Carlyle wrote: “Muhammad was a man of truth and fidelity, true in what he did, in what he spoke, in what he thought; he always meant something; a man rather taciturn in speech, silent when there was nothing to be said, but pertinent, wise, sincere when he did speak, always throwing light on the matter.”

    - In Islam, behaviour has been given great importance. The Prophet(saw) taught the believers to behave neatly and honestly with people. Honesty, integrity, sincerity, generosity, equality and so on should be visible in the behaviour of a person. Prophet (saw) said: “Those who behave kindly with women are best among men”.

    - The Holy Qur’ān reminds us of the greatness of proper behaviour. Behaviour of a person at different times, at different occasions, with different persons is all mentioned in the Qur’ān.

    - Hadith: 'Whoever is humble to men for God’s sake, may God exalt his eminence'.

    Oh Allah(swt), improve our characters and personalities, inspire us to strive to be like Prophet Muhammed(saw) and may You help brother Ali and us ALL - Aameen

    SisterZ

  7. The best thing to do in this situation is to turn towards Allah go to sleep early and wake up during the last hours of the night let's say 3 am till dawn pray Allah because this is the time Allah comes down near to earth and see who amongst his slaves is asking for help or pray so that Allah will answer your call.
    this is the best advice to follow brothers and sisters

  8. hi salaam

    well i am having almost the same problem as brother ali.i am teased and people hates me
    but i am not gay but my behavior is very girlish..and it kills from inside..my country is small and im from the capital city ..the place is so small every one knows each other's..when people see's me they talk and laugh about me i have beard and i ware normal clothes..is this a sinn im doing??i cant help myself i tryied to behave manly but it dosent help im so broke..i fear of their laughters and teasing what is my fault in this
    i dint choose to be like this who would ...but what will be my result in the last day will i be in hell for this..oh allah..its like a curse..and people look at me as if i am gay and im left alone

  9. asalamalaikum,

    my dear brothers. let me introduce myself to you first as i look at you two as my little brothers. iam much older than you ,10yrs almost, and have come across quite a few different kind of personalities in my life. . i will tell you what i would think about boys like you , and if i was in your age group what would girls think about you. buti will first tell you a little story( a true story)

    i understand that it not very easy and comfortable for oneself if you get comments that cannot be taken as complements. all through my life i have been teased on many physical attributes i have. as a child majority of my family members used to look at me as being the unfortunate as i have dark skin color. then i wasnt as slim or pretty as my sister was so abviously there was a comparison. my sister always used to get praises and always got appreciated more than me.my father one day told me that i look like a monkey. so obviously i was a child who needed equal attention and respect and recognition which i didnt get. but during all this time i used to thank Allah that he made me complete and healthy and even if i dont fulfil other peoples criteria , i still love myself and the more people were hurting me i knew the more Allah was loving me. i always told myself that character is more stronger than features. anyway time passed , i invested a lot of my attention in education and alhamdullilah did very well and met friends who would appreciate me for who iam, and i fell in love with a boy who claimed that he loved me and cannot imagine his life without me and that iam very beautiful(remember thisis the first time someone has told me that iam pretty)and i thought this is the answer to the whole world that iam pretty to someone and the rest can go to hell, but guess what? he after 5 yrs reallised that iam not fair skinned and he cannot marry me as his family will not agree. you can imagine what i must have felt, anyway again i found my comfort in Allah and kept saying to him that you have made us in the best of form and no white is superior to black , so i will not feel sorry for myself and that it is these people who need to change the way they think and look at me.

    i moved on and came to Uk . here it was different, everybody loved and praised and envied my complexion! what a contrast hmm.they appreciated my smile, my hair , my manners, my personality. i felt so much appreciated and acknowledged . iam doing well in my career, support my family. look after my mother, have lots of friends who enjoy my company and im nick named at work place as smily 🙂 still got to find a man though! inshallah that will happen as well when its the right time and more importantly when its the right person.

    so the moral of the story is that believe in yourself that Allah made you in the best of form , he has given you tremendous potential to do good and to be useful. dont let these silly people arround you make you feel any inferior. when you do get a feeling like that pray to Allah to give you strength during this hurtful moments. as soon as you will have this feeling in your heart that Allah is with you, you will feel that the way you walk , the way you talk will all change , a very strange confidence will emit from you that people arround you will sense.a confidence and belief in yourself that nobody will be able to shake.

    there may be few things which you can change, like dressing up smartly, adopting best of manners, being humble and having a smile to light up your face. helping others like working for a charity or even helping people on this website by just commenting or encouraging them in any way you can will certainly lift your moral and give you a sence of acheivement, as good deeds always make you peaceful from within.

    ihave met many boys ( i dont mean boy friends) , i mean people i have come across in my life and i ahve found that no matter how they look or walk or talk , its there sensitivity towards others that make them likeable by the people ,specially girls.i personally know boys who as you would call it have a 'girly trait' but everybody loves them and count them as thier reliable friend.

    so my dear brothers, look after yourself. Allah made you inthe best of form so make use of this blessing and walk with confidence and pride. keep good company and if you dont have good friends, invest time in reading good books. there is a book called, 'chicken soup for the teenage soul' which has many real stories to make you think.and ofcourse Quran is the best of all books.

  10. brother if you still visit this page;

    please check out the following link;

    http://www.scribd.com/doc/63466375/A-Silent-Struggle-to-the-Straight-Path

    you can download it is as document, it contains a lot of advice and guidance, to show you a way out of this sickness.

    insha'allah it will be of benefit to you.

    • In My Opinion Just be yourself, If you try to be someone else its just annoying because i feel it too.
      Same like you my friend always teased me because my characteristic is girlish

  11. Salamun Alaikum! Brothers and Sisters! I know this is too late but it might help some other person who may read this post later.

    So here goes. See, the thing is that a woman is born a woman But a man is not born a man. What it means is that every 'man' is born with different traits. And all of these traits are most of the time (I'd say Always) not manly. Some of the traits he has are girly. It is not always obvious. For instance, there could be a boy who is born with the trait of shyness But That Trait Is Not His Nature. His Nature is to be a Man. And this shyness is an obstacle in attaining his true self, his true nature, that is to be a Man. So he WILL have to get rid of that obstacle in any way he can.

    One way is to face that problem. If you are uncomfortable sitting with new people, make your self comfortable by doing that again and again and again. If you are frightened to talk in front of people, do that a lot. I know its hard. But you gotta force yourself. Take baby steps and you will get more and more closer.

    The other case. If you have a girly walking style, practice walking like men and do that a lot. Look at a true 'man' and compare your style with his, like someone already said.

    A very effective way to get this done is HYPNOSIS. You actually have to tap into the unconscious brain and imprint there what you want to do and what you done. EFT technique can be very effective.

    I Hope that helps.

    Wassalam! Tanzil.

  12. You can change!!!!Just believe in yourself, and don't let people get into your way of bullying you or troubling you!!!! And don't care about people who doesn't accept your change !!!!
    .
    .

    .
    I believe that you will change!!!!

  13. Iam a boy of 19 and iam having a trouble of being girly... That my voice is a bit girly and the way I walk and the way I move hands... Everything I do looks girly.... Iam trying to act in front of everyone because I think it will change me... But it won't... I know ow that like this from the day I know ow myself at the very young age... I was in kG class and I have the same behaviour... Iam confident and powerful to face anything.. Iam a team leader and and iam the high scorer of my college.. And I do everything confidently.... But out side iam a big bearded guy looks giant and fro inside iam a kind hearted boy who loves animals and nature..... I cry by seeing poor peoples... I help poor because I get emotional so fast....iam so girly.....from the day I know myself I understand that iam not like other guys iam different. I have more girl friends than guys because they avoid me because of having such attitude when I was in my 1st standard.... Then I know that iam borne this way.... Does Allah hate me....? Should I live like this acting my whole life?....

    • As-salamu alaykum brother. There is nothing "girly" about loving animals and nature, and helping poor people. These are all characteristics of the Prophet (sws). As far as how you walk and move your hands, you can change those things with some practice if you choose. You might also take up some "manly" sports like martial arts, if you think that will help your self-image. In short, there is nothing wrong with you. However it's not a good idea for you to have many "girl friends" as this could tempt you into haram.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Va alaikumassalaam... I mean girl friends not like a meaning of that mean rather than guys I have more girl friends who r ready to talk to me, listen and support me.. Because all guys are avoiding me and bullying me.... I have no problem with that.... I have only a friend who stood with me everytime. All other friends run away because iam like this.... And I dot have problems with that too.... Iam afraid that does Allah hate me because iam like this... I go to gym...... I play cricket and tennis... I play soccer once in a blue moon.... And iam a swimmer.... Singer.. artist.. Dancer and I love fashion and designing.......even my parents know that iam like this...... Everyone in my family know that iam a bit like girls...my mom knows me.... She kisses me everyday when I leave to school... My parents love me who I am...... But I wanna know does Allah hate me?...... According to me iam born like this..... Otherwise I could have changed because iam trying hard for years and years..... But no results.. Am I born like this?......does Allah swt hate me?....am I going to hell because of this attitude?..... I never wear girls dress or other girls stuffs..... But I do love to wear but I know it's haram.....but I have that girly attitude.....

  14. Allah does not hate you. You have a soft side and girls are attracted to your sensitivity. If you want to be more manly then make male friends and stop acting feminine. You don't have male friends maybe because they think you are homosexual. You sound and walk girly, into dancing and fashion. Assess yourself.

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