Weird thoughts are polluting my mind. I need help
Strange thoughts
Question:
Dear Sir, I am having a problem for the past2-3 weeks.. I am engaged to a cousin of mine who lives abroad. We both liked each other for a long time and finally by the grace of ALLAH we got engaged. My engagement took place about 6 months ago and there is a lot of time till marriage (about 2 years). Because of studies of my finace'.
We both my fiance and I started to call each other every day and we talked for hours. Moreover I stay away from home due to my job in a remote location. Because of our continous phone calls we got intimate on phone with each other. We both tried to control ourselves as this is not islamic but it was difficult. Now due to stress I have funny thoughts coming in my mind. Like fear is always there. Questions arise like what if I become a serial killer would i be married than ? or what if i became insane ? will I be married than? or what if I became a child molester will I be married than ?.
I couldnt never think of these things but these days I cannot stop my mind thinking.
What should I do ? I need help.
- Aslam
Sister Noorah's Answer:
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Brother Aslam, Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It sounds as though you are under and incredible amount of stress, and it is not surprising that it is coming out in disturbing ways. I strongly advise you to make some changes in your life in order to get yourself into a more balanced mental state.
First of all, I encourage you to do all you can to hasten your marriage. There really is no such thing as "engagement" in Islam. Either you are married, and are permissible for each other, or you are not. There is no in-between state. Thus, what you are doing in regards to having intimate conversations over the phone is haraam and you should refrain from doing that. As you see, you and she are only human and it is unreasonable to expect two young people to control themselves. I suggest that you have a simple marriage immediately. You can have the nikah and then you will be officially married. It is not required that you live together as long as each of you agrees to the separation. All you need is the consent of her guardian (wali), a mahr (gift from your to her), two adult male witnesses, and an announcement of the marriage. Then, even if you are away from one another, you can talk as much as you like on the phone, including sweet husband and wife talk. You can also try to arrange visits to one another so the passing of time will not be so hard.
If it is truly impossible (and I mean impossible, not just hard or inconvenient to relatives) for you to marry now, then you must not talk on the phone in the manner you have been doing. You must keep to your prayers, fast in order to reduce your desire, and keep busy with work and studies. Surround yourself with strong Muslims who will help you to keep busy. Try to eat well and get decent sleep. Ask Allah to protect you and keep you chaste, and inshAllah the strange thoughts will fade.
I really think that the healthiest option is to marry, but I understand that the families will be resistant since your fiancee is not done with school. Do your best to persuade the family that this situation is not healthy and the "culture" of waiting goes against the Sunnah of Islam. If you are tormented by sexual desires and fear falling into fornication, then marriage becomes obligatory for you. Do not fall into the trap of Shaitan by thinking what you are doing over the phone is "harmless". You will harm yourself and your fiancee by doing what is not legislated in Islam and by avoiding doing what is halaal.
I pray for Allah to make a way for you to marry your fiancee so that you can begin a life together that is pleasing to Allah.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Entries(RSS)
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
It sounds as though you are under and incredible amount of stress, and it is not surprising that it is coming out in disturbing ways. I strongly advise you to make some changes in your life in order to get yourself into a more balanced mental state.
First of all, I encourage you to do all you can to hasten your marriage. There really is no such thing as "engagement" in Islam. Either you are married, and are permissible for each other, or you are not. There is no in-between state. Thus, what you are doing in regards to having intimate conversations over the phone is haraam and you should refrain from doing that. As you see, you and she are only human and it is unreasonable to expect two young people to control themselves. I suggest that you have a simple marriage immediately. You can have the nikah and then you will be officially married. It is not required that you live together as long as each of you agrees to the separation. All you need is the consent of her guardian (wali), a mahr (gift from your to her), two adult male witnesses, and an announcement of the marriage. Then, even if you are away from one another, you can talk as much as you like on the phone, including sweet husband and wife talk. You can also try to arrange visits to one another so the passing of time will not be so hard.
If it is truly impossible (and I mean impossible, not just hard or inconvenient to relatives) for you to marry now, then you must not talk on the phone in the manner you have been doing. You must keep to your prayers, fast in order to reduce your desire, and keep busy with work and studies. Surround yourself with strong Muslims who will help you to keep busy. Try to eat well and get decent sleep. Ask Allah to protect you and keep you chaste, and inshAllah the strange thoughts will fade.
I really think that the healthiest option is to marry, but I understand that the families will be resistant since your fiancee is not done with school. Do your best to persuade the family that this situation is not healthy and the "culture" of waiting goes against the Sunnah of Islam. If you are tormented by sexual desires and fear falling into fornication, then marriage becomes obligatory for you. Do not fall into the trap of Shaitan by thinking what you are doing over the phone is "harmless". You will harm yourself and your fiancee by doing what is not legislated in Islam and by avoiding doing what is halaal.
I pray for Allah to make a way for you to marry your fiancee so that you can begin a life together that is pleasing to Allah.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Dont worry about these thoughts - as the sister says above, you must be stressed.
We all have weird and random thoughts - its a natural part of our psyche: some of the times we will have beautiful thoughts that make us giggle even if we are sitting on public transport, and some times we will have deeply dark thoughts - like "I wonder if I could kill a person" - its very very normal, so dont panic, as the more you panic, the worse it will get and it will become an issue from your meditating on it so much.
When we do something wrong, or immoral - it brings with it a feeling of darkness, dread and doom which is fresh, fertile soil for bad thoughts.
I would say is get out, meet people, make friends, laugh, remind yourself of good times - childhood memories, slides, parks and rainbows and make yourself laugh here and there - laughter is a most excellent remedy for dark times - get yourself smiling - even if you pretend it at first, there is something most infectious about a big bright smile.
Peace and blessings be upon you
Jasmine
Taken from the following website: http://www.islamonline.net
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said,
"Allah has forgiven my followers the evil thoughts that occur to their minds, as long as such thoughts are not put into action or uttered."
(Reported in the six authentic books of Hadith, and explained by Imam Ibn Kathir.)
A person is accountable for his intention to do an evil deed that he couldn't carry out due to inability or fear of authorities. But if he couldn't carry it out due to piety and fear of Allah, then Allah would not account him for it. Instead, he may attain the reward of jihad an-nafs (striving against inner whims). This settles any assumed contradiction between textual evidence.
Read more: http://www.readingislam.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1123996016506&pagename=IslamOnline-English-AAbout_Islam/AskAboutIslamE/AskAboutIslamE#ixzz0ccATCQQV
Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, elaborates on man's accountability for his thoughts:
"Our thoughts can be divided into different categories:
1) the constant self-talk or idle thoughts that assail our minds and over which we have no control
2) Thoughts that we dwell on
3) Intentions that we formulate based on those thoughts.
We are not accountable for the first stage, namely the self-talk, since we have no control over it, unless we dwell on the thoughts and nurture them in our minds. We are accountable if we dwell on them. We are also accountable for the deliberate intentions that we formulate based on these thoughts."
Read more: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503547456#ixzz0ccB8vvRM
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) taught us the following du`a's (supplications) to master the evil inclinations of our souls, and, accordingly, these must form part of the daily spiritual regimen of every believer:
Allahumma ya muqalliba al-qulub thabbit qalbi `ala dinika. (O Allah, O You Who are the twister of hearts, so make my heart firm and steadfast on Your religion).
Rabbi a`udhu bika min hamazati ash-shayatin.
(My Lord, I seek Your refuge and protection against the whisperings of devils).
Finally, read the Sayyid al-Istighfar (master supplication for forgiveness) in the morning as well as before retiring to bed: Allahumma, anta rabbi, la ilaha illa anta; khalaqtani wa ana `abduka, wa ana `ala `ahdika wa wa`dika ma istata`tu; a`udhu bika min sharri ma sana`tu; abu'u laka bi ni`matika `alayya wa abu'u bi dhanbi; fa ighfir li, fa innahu la yaghfiru al-dhunuba illa anta. (O Allah, You are my Lord, there is no god but You; You have created me, and I am Your servant, and I stand firm on my covenant with You according to the best of my ability; I seek refuge in You from the evils of my own actions; I acknowledge Your favors upon me and I confess my sins to You; so forgive me, for no one has power to forgive sins except You.)
Finally, examine yourself, and see if you have been guilty of any major sins; if you have been, make sincere repentance to Allah from all of them without delay." (Source: http://www.islam.ca)
Read more: http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503546610#ixzz0ccBWQ6oD