Boyfriend left me after I broke his trust. How can I get him to give me another chance
This is my first post, so I'm not completley sure how this works, but I'll give it a go...
I had been talking to this guy for about 2 years now, I'll admit we were going out, and did the things that two people in a relationship do, but he made me a better person, and he changed me for the better Islamically. When we first started talking, I did something to lose his trust, but Alhamdulillah he forgave me. I had started a new job and during that time, I had ignored him and I realize now that he was trying to salvage what we had, but I was blinded then.
He had suspicions that I was cheating on him, and after I suggested a break, he broke up with me because he assumed that if I wasn't already cheating on him, I would eventually. We decided to become friends, and a couple nights ago, we talked and I told him everything, and he listened, and he said he just wanted his space. He told me he had plans to go to the fair that night and I told him I had as well, so I saw him and his friends at the fair, but didnt say anything to him because I saw him talking to someone.
His friend tried to get me to dance with him, and he saw that and looked angry. The next morning I apologized if I ruined his mood or anything and he replied by saying "I've come to the conclusion that we just need to break ties, and stop talking to each other. Dont talk to my friends and/or about me, they don't need to be in the middle of this. I've realized that I can't trust you no matter what the relationship is"
I love him, and this is the first time we've ever fought or anything in the 2 years that I've been with him. I had plans on marrying him. I'm not sure if there is a du'a or anything relating to my problem, but I've been praying that Allah open his heart and mind to give me one more chance to do things right. Insha'aAllah if Allah grants my prayers, I will do everything I possibly can to make things right, and if I have any doubts at all, then it can be taken away from me for good, but if there are any dua's regarding my situation, please let me know.
Insha'Allah things will work out for the better and I get one last chance with him, please help.
-IIWGTT145
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Asalaamualaykum,
Sister, you are asking for duas to sort out your 'pre-marital relationship' with a guy you like, what about your relationship with Allah? From what you have explained, you are mixing freely, open to dating, dancing, touching and having intimate conversations with men. What part of any of that sounds 'acceptable' to you?
My advice to you as your sister in Islam is this: Sort out your relationship with Allah, do sincere tawbah, focus on your ibaadah, stop socialising with guys, start learning about your deen and make a totally clean break. Give yourself some time to improve your character and maintain a standard based on the teachings of Islam.
If later, you still believe that your 'friend' would make a good husband to you, express your interest to him, even if that be through a friend or family member. Ask him to approach your father/Wali and to proceed with marriage talks. If he is not interested, then its time to move on. Of course it will be painful for you, but that pain is part and parcel of starting off relationships in the wrong manner - and perhaps its a small price to pay in comparison to the enormity of the sin.
Please come towards your deen. You can only sort things out, by doing 'halaal'.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam sister.
There are no duas which can cause him to give you another chance. Every person has free will and so we cannot make someone feel a certain way. I know that is difficult to hear but its important to know the truth. You broke his trust and he feels he cannot trust you, it is a valid reason. Trust is one of those things that is difficult to win back dear sister.
"Dua’ is not a magic spell that allows you to control other human beings. Neither will Allah coerce anyone to love us or accept us. Of course He can – He has power over all things – but it is not His way. Allah created us with free will, the ability to choose our own paths in life, and He does not take that away by controlling our emotions or compelling us down predetermined roads. Yes, everything is written, but that does not mean it’s forced, only that the outcome is known to Allah in advance."
Please be aware that pre-marital relationships are haraam in Islam. So as a Muslim you shouldnt make dua for anything haraam. It may be a blessing in disguise that this guy has left you as it has taken you out of this haraam relationship. InshaAllah in time you will see that it is a blessing.
Right now, accept that this guy wants to move on. Trust in Allah that it's the right thing for you and make tawbah for indulging in a pre-marital relationship. Turn to Allah swt and work on improving your relationship with Him. The longer you spend praying for this guy, the more difficult it will be to heal. The first step in moving on is letting go. If you still feel you must pray for him - pray for something halal. Ask Allah swt to allow you to marry this guy - if he is best for you. And to keep him away if he is bad for you.
Do you pray your salat, sister? If not then please do start doing your fardh (obligatory) salat. You will heal in time InshaAllah - know that if this guy is meant for you then you will marry him. If not, then you will not.
You will see that repentance is something more than seeking forgiveness.
Because this is a serious matter, there have to be conditions attached. The scholars mentioned the conditions of repentance, based on aayahs from the Qur’aan and ahaadeeth. There follows a list of some of them:
1 – Giving up the sin immediately.
2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.
3 – Resolving not to go back to it.
4 – Making amends to those whom you have wronged, or asking for their forgiveness. (I wouldnt recommend contacting him, but an alternative would be to pray for his forgiveness if you cannot seek the persons forgiveness.
Please read the links below:
http://islamicsunrays.com/stop-trying-to-change-others/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-2/
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/the-sin-of-fornication-and-adultery/the-sin-of-adultery-and-fornication-part-3/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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