Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can I marry a girl who has a past?

past, present, future

I am muslim Pakistani and have been seeing a girl of similar background for 6 months. We would like to get married but my family are against it because this girl has had relationships in the past and also experimented with alcohol, although she has stopped. These practies for 2 years and has intention to do ummrah very soon.

I wanted to ask where I stand and what should I do? I really want to marry this girl but am afraid my family will not let me as for what she did in her past.

Thank you

~Dammage

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14 Responses »

  1. Simple answer to this one.....Yes you can marry her....you are even allowed to marry a women who was a prostitute, forgiveness is one of the beauties of Islam. You should marry her for who she is now, not what she has done in her past.

    Just to add, you are not allowed to bring her past up in the future for or against her, unless you want to sin.

    You may need to teach your parents about Islam and forgiveness. so they can welcome her. you don't want a combative situation between your future wife and other members of your families once you are married.

    All this may be slow and require a lot of patience.

    • Asalaamualaykum Kash,

      JazakhaAllah for your efforts on this site, you've giving some good answers maasha'Allah.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Let me ask you a question, what about if I plan on marrying someone who's been sexually abused?
      Can I bring it up then? She was abused her her uncle. My greatest fear is this: when a abused woman starts getting intimate with her husband, she RELIVES her past abuse. It affects and ruins marriages. There is not ONE day that goes by without her thinking about it, and it's been 6 months, and there hasn't been ONE minute that has gone by without ME thinking about it! I can NEVER forget it, as much as I want to marry her, and as much close she is to her religion, this is a fact that will remain no matter what. Got any advice?

  2. Dammage brother, Salaam.

    Yes, iA you can marry her but please be strong and firm enough to stand by her even if your respected family taunts to you about her past to you after marriage.

    And inshaAllah, Allah (swt) will reward you for your kindness towards her, coz in Islam not once but many times and times it has been mentioned to be kind to women.

    I wish you well.

    Parveen, your sister.

  3. as'salaamualaikum,

    why should your family know on about her past?? =/.
    Marry her if she has turned into a new leaf; folks like 'yours' - my apologies - are the one who really push people towards what they were; at times i even think of them as being allies of shaytaan.

    In my case - i used to be a non-muslim before; and you just can't imagine how many people judge me as being an ex-muslim: it's deeply saddening: not later than yesterday, i went for a haircut and the hairdresser asked me if I reverted to kufr?

    what is this kind of mentality.

    repentance alike Islam effaces of what had lied before - but why don't sooooo many people understand that.

    my apologies.

  4. Salaams Dammage

    I totally agree with Kash advice and everyone else's. The past is the past, you need to stand up to your family and please be strong inshallah you be happy.

  5. why is it that when a women has committed past sins everybody torments her but when a man commits past sins he is forgiven.

    • I also don't understand. If anything, brothers should be extremely forgiven coz at the end of the day, it is the believing Muslim men who will be rewarded with not one, not two, not 10 but, subhanAllah, SEVENTY VIRGINS!!! for them in the BEAUTIFUL eternal HEREAFTER. That's why I am going to emphasis again, please don't give hard time to believing Muslim girls/women- both those with or without past, in this short-life. Fear and Worship Allah (swt)...

      May Allah (swt) guide each one of us to correct path with greater TAQWA, aameen...

  6. Assalamualikum,

    Islamically you are allowed to marry her regardless of her past. She may have asked for forgiveness from Allah swt and her sins may have been wiped off completely Allah swt knows best. We are no one to judge, I know it’s easily said than done especially in this day and age where people love gossiping about Muslim girls reputation in community. As long as you are ok with her past and she is a changed person today that’s all that matters. people do many things that are morally and islmaically wrong and give in to temptation during high school and university but they realize their mistake and change themselves and ask for forgiveness from Allah swt. Everyone deserves a second chance, what if the roles were reverse wouldn’t you want to be given a second chance? What if it was your sister instead of your girlfriend? I am sure your parents would understand if you explain it to them in a polite way possible. Good luck !

  7. Assalam alaikum brother,

    I like a girl from school days, initially it was an attraction. She was very arrogant in those days and rejected me and never looked me. I was heart broken but I decided to move.Later I came to know about her being in relation with a non-muslim boy.She was very islamic and good girl. I was surprised to learn about her relation. I felt very bad about her situation. I prayed to allah to have mercy on her. After 9 years, I came in contact with her again and found that she has broken up with that guy but she was in serious relation with him for 5 years and was in living in with him. I got to know about the reason why she fell for that guy, she was abused physically and mentally by her family members up to sexual abuse even. She just out for love went with the non-muslim guy, but later she return back to allah and ask forgiveness. As that non-muslim guy also abused her taking advantage of her genuine love. One day she decided and moved on and left shattered. She somehow managed and recovered from that depression. She became serious about Allah and trying to follow deen in correct way. When i heard all these stories, I got more love for her. I got respect and from deep beneath i had respect and immense love for her. I told her about my niyaat to have nikaah with that sister. Alhamdulillah, I try not to handshake with her even we live in two different cities. We never talk too, but only chat. She is emotionally depress now, sometime she went back to her normal state. I am trying my level best to convince her and encourage her by saying about allah and deen. All positive stuff i say her. With true niyaat i want to marry her in halaal way. But she is telling, she is not mentally ready, she is scared and frightened to go close to a guy even. And my worries is, I dont want to get close to her without a nikaah(she also very strict about this).But due to her this fear, she is pushing me away. Now only i know about her, I am feeling bad not to help her and pull out her. I feel bad to leave her in this state and the same time i am worried about my imaan as there is always shaitaan between two gair mahrams. Could you please help me what i should do? Also, her father hates her from childhood and this make her more sad and alienate from family. Now she has none to say except me. I want to marry her. I have one small fear inside me. I always think about her past and frustated. Though I love her madly and respect her. We all are sinners I know, but sometime i feel sad to see her. Could you please help me brother? and please do remember her in your special dua. She specially needs that. She is alone in this cruel world.

  8. depends on the level of her "past" some men find it ok for the woman to have had casual romances with guys...nothing serious or physical...some men dont tolerate even that.

    some are ok with their muslimah to be wife not being virgin...some are not.

    just figure out which one you are and stick to it.
    dont turn a blind eye to this issue of the past since its inherent in us men with varying degrees of severity.

    im just trying to ensure that you dont get comfy with her past and later find out that she was indeed very advanced in her "past"

    hope that helps.
    Jazak Allah

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