European girl and muslim man, do we have a chance?
Hi, I am talking to one man on skype for half a year. He told me, that he likes me a lot. But there are several problems with his family. They got him a nice fiancé and now she is coming to him for a week(?). I havent ever seen him in real and he told me, that he wasnt able to reject his fiancé to come, which I understand.
However, there are also problems with my family. My father told me to block him, that some muslim man didnt go to a presentation of specialist in his branch just because she was a woman. So they dont value the opinion of girls as much or not at all.
I would like to have an argument, but i dont have any. I still believe my boyfriend. That he just have problems he cant manage, with his life, because of traditions and so on. I know it is foolish I am his girlfriend, if only we both can know about it, no other people.
And he has a fiancé. I told him not to get it. And he did, he thought I dont love him and he dont have a chance. And that it will be easy to break up her. So it is also my fault. But I thought it is not possible for someone in modern world to get a fiancé, which mother manage for him and he saw her two times. I considered him more modern, I wasnt able to imagine someone could do something so foolish. Now he is prepared to stay with her because of his family and that he could harm someones feelings. That is it more important. And what about my feelings? I told him. He just sad that sometimes it is more important to do something it is uncomfortable for you to love your parents. I told him, he made a choice. He told me he didnt. He asked me if I am prepared that he might never tell his parents about me.
Aww. So now I am his foolish internet gf. Yes, and I read here, that he cant have girlfriend and I confronted him with it. He said it is ok, as far as you want to marry her and you dont have any sex with each other. So now I am really confused if he is going to marry me or his fiancé.
Bet, he doesnt know alone. Do we have a chance?
~Aryana
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As salamu alaykum, Sister Aryana,
Stop all kind of contact with this man, the fact that the fiancé is spending some time with him is telling you that he is doing his nikah or the nikah has been already done, with this I mean he is marrying her or married to her already, she is or will be the wife as soon as they stay together, no other way.
This is tough, I know but he is just playing with you, you deserve better not a man that the only thing that has to offer you are lies and/or the proposal to be his mistress(secret wife), get out of that and find a good man that will love you straight and will offer you the choice of marrying you and have a family in front of everyone.
He chose her, don´t doubt on it, that is why they are spending a week together. He is not doing anything foolish, he is following his cultural, religious roots, he is marrying or married to a woman that his parents chose, that is the way he has learnt it has to be to show respect to his traditions, that is the straight way for him. Sister, what it is foolish about his behaviour is mantaining a relationship with you in internet, this is forbiden.
Don´t lose your time comfronting him, he doesn´t deserve your energy. Do sports, walk everyday, go to swimming or running, whatever you need to let all that energy that will burst on you out, help your mum and tell your dad: Thank you, even when his reasons where not the right ones, he was trying to protect you, and he was right about this man, he didn´t deserve your trust.
Take care of yourself, pray God to protect you and guide you during this hard times and learn from this situation and don´t put yourself on risk with this online relationships, some had been even 7 years waiting without seeing him, devoted to men that had been doing their own life.
Sister, live your life fully, develop skills to relate to real people around you and don´t trust the internet, many times we don´t get to know someone that is close to us, imagine through internet, anyone can make you believe whatever you want to believe. Thank God, you are still on time, you have a family that cares about you and you are wake up enough to see that something was not going right, Thank God.
Insha´Allah, I will pray for you tonight.
Wasalam,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Aryana,
you fool me once shame on you, you fool me twice shame on me! you must have heard this before.
dont and i repeat DONT fall in this guys trap. this guy is making you a FOOL . just delete this contact .
it will be difficult but do it for your own benefit. if you continue to talk to this person then you will most likely start thinking like your father that muslim men don have respect for women.
i think inside you also know that you are doing a mistake but you are just not accepting it .its only but natural that if you develop some feelings for a person you try to hang on to them as long as you can.
go through this website, see how girls have been manipulated in the name of love. dont let this man manipulate you any further.
if a man loves you , he will marry you and will make sure he doesnt let go of you.he will not play games like this one.