Family preventing marriage due to class
salam
I am guy from Pakistan. I met a girl and fell in love with her. We start talking to each other on the phone and met secretly few times. After 3 months I realised that it's haram to have relationship with a women so I decided to marry her.
I belong to rich class family and she belonged to middle class basically status difference. I told my mom and sister and they went to their house. When they came back they told me they are not interested, I asked them reason but they keep on saying their house is small and they don't match with us, I kept on saying in islam their is no class difference. But they said no. My mom and sister told my father and my father also agreed with them. I decided I will marry this girl I spoke to my older brother cousins other family members try to convince my parents but nothing happened they are not agreeing. They told me if you marry this girl you will be out of our family. I and the girl also did istikhara and it came out good I told my parents about it but they rejected my istikhara.
I am 27 and girl is 24 now. We have been together now since 3 years. I also advised the girl that I can come and talk to your parents and I can marry on my own but the thing is that here in Pakistan they won't give me their daughter until I have my family member father or mother. I have told my parents I won't marry anyone else or will stay unmarried forever. My younger brother got engaged I felt sad but I have put trust on Allah.
I don't know what to do sometimes the girl get pressurised by her mother to marry but she keeps on refusing for me, I am trying but am not seeing any change in my parents. Last thing on my mind is to run her way lol.
If anyone has got any suggestion plz let me know.
thnx
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Salaam wise-guy.
First I will say that pre-marital relationships are haraam. Do not despair though - if you are sincere in your repentance and you change - Allah will forgive your sins and turn them into good deeds! He is The Most Merciful. Also if you do not do salat then defineilty start obligatory fardh salat.
With respect to the haraam - the best thing to do is sincerey repent to Allah swt and vow not to commit the same mistakes again. Keep all necessary contact with this girl at a minimum and within islamic boundaries. If you sneak around with her or speak to her secretly, not only will this be sin, but you will both be losing the familys trust and losing barakah in your marriage if you are able to marry.
Know that Allah does not forbid things without good reason. I do not mean to chastise you but getting involved in pre-marital relationships causes many problems for the individuals and for society, so this is another incentive/reason to avoid them.
Again I am sorry they have not accepted. Those reasons are unislamic - in Islam there is no caste system The Prophet SAW said that "an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab and vice versa, except in piety."
However, you cannot change any one - there is no magic fix to make them accept you. Normally I would recommend that you remind them respectfully that the caste system goes against Islam.
The best advice I can give to is try to involve the local imaan or a respected elder and get them to speak to your parents and try to convince them. Of course if they agree to meet her, then be patient and tolerant even if they speak against you marrying her. Allah swt sees all and if they behave in an unjust way - then they will be held to account. You are responsible for your own soul - so be kind to others regardless of their behaviour. I am digressing - sorry. You can both only try your best. You cannot force someone to accept anything or do anything. You can only try.
I advise you for now to keep your distance - that way if your parents accept then Alhumdulilah you will both be very happy, and if they do not, it won't hurt quite as much. Whatever happens, remember that it is already written dear brother and Allah will give you whatever He knows is best for you.
Also be aware that you do have a right to choose your own spouse. And as long as she is a good Muslimah you are still entitled to marry her with or without your parents consent, as long as you have the conset of her wali and the other conditions of nikah are fulfilled. Of course this route, though not haraam, is not recommended as it may cause you to be disowned. I do feel quite sad reading such situations. May Allah swt save the Ummah from ignorance and soften your parents hearts! Ameen.
I will keep you in my duas InshaAllah,
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor