marry someone practiscing but don’t have passion for…or marry someone non practicing ?
I'm soooo confused..I'm engaged to marry a practicing man who is a year younger than I. He's good looking and perfect..but I don't feel passion for him, maybe his age is the issue or that he isn't financially established yet Allahu alim. I recently met this guy who is older and more mature, and have fallen in love with him and vice versa. I'm set to marry soon, but dont know if I'm doing the right thing? I then think that I'm marrying my fiance for the sake of Allah because he's a good muslim and will lead me to jannah but I'm afraid I will lead a non-passionate life and wont be able to respect him as much, and I'm scared I might even cheat on him? What do I do?
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A l l a a h [s. w. t] said "and whomsoever fears Allaah, Allaah will will makes his affair easyhe will provide him from where he did not expect "
the prophet[saww] "marry the one with religion or may your hands be rubbed with dust [meaning may you become poor, afflicted, unfortunate"
sister, it is haraam for a muslimah to marry a man who doesnt pray, rarely prays.
love develops after marraige, when you get close to the person.
and how can you trust someone who is open with women before he even marries them, like he is open with you.when he marries you, you just cant trust him.
Its not haram Abu to marry someone your attracted to
sister should do astikrah and find out which is the right guy
don't marry someone just because his appears to be practising he may not be how you think he is
marry the man you think will stay faithful ,respect you and love you
its your decision those to men aren't the only single men
out their there so many keep your options open until you find the right one.
Salaams,
You titled your post "marry someone practiscing but don’t have passion for…or marry someone non practicing" as if those were the only two options available to you. In reality, life is not so dichotomous. You don't have to settle for a practicing Muslim who you don't have some degree of attraction to. On the other end of the spectrum, NO ONE in their right mind would suggest you accept a proposal from someone who isn't practicing just because you have strong feelings of attraction for them. In reality, there is a wide variety of practicing Muslims, several who you won't be attracted to and several who you would fall in love with.
I would caution you first about having anything to do with any man other than your fiance. This is haraam, let alone the fact that you are dallying with someone who is "not practicing". You need to cut those ties immediately, because so far all that connection has served to do is confuse your perception and goals...and that's all it will continue to do if you don't cease contact with the other man right away.
As far as the other aspects of your posts, let me first advise you that a man being only a year younger than you is not enough age difference to cite as a reason to question the relationship. He may have a different maturity level than you or other men older or even younger than you, but that is not necessarily because you have a matter of months between your ages. The bottom line is, if you are having misgivings about who you are marrying, you should wait until you feel certain...whether it's about your current fiance or someone else altogether. Being financially stable is an important factor, as well as emotional maturity. However, don't be fooled into thinking that you will find someone who you are guaranteed to always feel passionate about. Even if you are head over heels in love on the day of your nikkah, given enough time and real-world living, your passion will eventually fade and a secure connection will replace it Insha'Allah.
If you are concerned about being unfaithful, let me tell you know that this is a concern regardless of who you marry. A lot of men and women think if they "find the right person" the temptation to cheat will evaporate. This is simply not true. Look around and you will see that beauty and charisma is not enough to keep infidelity out of a relationship, because a lot of beautiful, intellingent, and intriguing people have been cheated on. If you feel that cheating is within the realm of your possibilties, then you have to remain vigilant to fight it and prevent it regardless of who you marry. It's something so serious you should never let your guard down by thinking that just because you married someone who you felt passionate about, it's no longer a hazard. Believe me, it's possible to feel passionate about two people at once! However, Allah tells us to keep those feelings only for our spouses.
That being said, live each day for itself and don't borrow worries or troubles that haven't yet knocked on your door. Right now you need to sort out what you actually want in a husband (passion notwithstanding) and decide if your fiance is in fact within that criteria. If not, it may be time to break the engagement and save both of you the heartache. Allah hates divorce, so it's better to stop things before they get started if you are not sure this is what you want. If you end up as a single girl again, fear Allah and limit your search for a husband to practicing Muslim men, and insha'Allah you will find someone your heart is happy with.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalaamu'alaikum Sis
Alrite there is a solution to ur problem...hehe...my dear shaitwan is playing with ya...there is no such thing of LOVE before nikah!!! What u feel for the guy, its LUST not LOVE...Allah Ta'ala will put Spirituel Love in the couples heart for each other only after Nikah, not at the time of engagement. So be careful my dear u may regret it one day...ill be frank to u coz its for ur good, now u think that ull not have a passionate life with ur fiancer, hehe...sis life is unpredictable, it reserves alot of surprises...
So careful its gonna be upside down if u continue ur road...if u have Deen n ur fiancer too...Alhamdulillah ull be fine...Love will develop moderately, for sure!!!
But the guy u so called fell in Love...the beginning is wrong...first u r already engage n 2nd u u think u love him but actually its lust!!! By the way sis its always like that, when a girl has got a good match, shaitwan will try to break it, thats why its recommended by the time both parties r ok, marry them soon...
Now its up to Allah Ta'ala according to ur intention
Over n Out
Take Care
Ma'assalaam.
Perfect answer bro, 'love' outside marriage is just lust well disguised, take the brothers advise.
Asalaam alaikum,
I agree with the advice given, because simply put, and I do not mean to offend you, but you really do not know what love is. Love is sacrifice and it's an emotion that overcomes incredible difficulties and bounds. Love is a state of being wherein the other person's happiness is more important than your own and how you seek to fulfill their wants and needs. Love comes over time in nurturing a marriage between two people and sacrificing your individual desires for the blessing of matrimony wherein two people unite and whose compassion and passion comes from that togetherness.
Love does not sweep you off your feet, but carries you when you are sick and old. Love does not come in financial stability, but forsakes the material life around it for the spiritual and emotional heaven that awaits you. Love is not a house bought for you, but a shelter given to your heart to protect you. Love is from Allah (swt) as He is the Ultimate Love.
It is said that a woman should be so lost in Allah (swt) that a man would need to seek Him in order to find her. So ask yourself, "Am I so near to Allah (swt) that a man would find me near to Him?
Because my sister, in that God-conscious vicinity is where true Love resides.
As salamu alaykum,
Thank you very much for sharing.
Insha´Allah, many people listen to your words.
All my Unconditional Respect,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Shaytaan always makes the wrong attractive.
I was also in similar situations of "chasing" looks, i.e attrative partner, whos Deen wasnt good Vs a pious partner.
In the end I choose the Pious partner, now my wife, who is much older than me, 6 years.
Naturally the thought of "what if" comes into mind.
Had i choose differently, but each day i go home to a good person, who helps me with my Deen etc...
I suggest dont get married to either, take your time, if your not attracted to the Pious bro (physically) then find a pious man you are attracted to as opposed to choosing a non practising partner.