Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My younger brother is rude and arrogant toward everyone

Verbal abuseAssalamu alaikum, first of all i would like to thank you for providing this service. My question is regarding my younger brother.

I have noticed that as more and more time goes by and as my brother is getting older, he is starting to become more arrogant. He believes he is always correct and even if he acknowledges he is incorrect, he will start changing the conversation.

The reason i am posting this question now is because i feel helpless. I feel helpless when he argues and speaks to my parents rudely on a constant basis, because i understand with me getting involved will cause a bigger disruption overall. I understand there may be some odd times in life when we speak badly towards our parents. But whenever iv done so iv always asked for forgiveness after recognising my mistake. But i feel like he doesn't recoginse his mistake nor does he understand he is hurting my parents with the way he answers back with his rude tone of voice, when they are only trying to guide him towards the correct path.

He also speaks to me and my 3 sisters rudely and i have discussed this matter with them also and they agree. He speaks rudely to people at his work place and recently lost his job due to his anger issues. I keep my cool as much as i can for my parents. I dont want to hurt them by arguing with my brother.

My parents are wonderful to us alhamdulillah. Never has neither of my parents raised a finger on us. They are well respected in the area we live in and i fear that asking a question like this to someone in the mosque will find its way back to my parents as my dad is a regular at the mosques in the local area. So this is why i am asking this question here in hope for some advice.

My question is how do i convey the message to my brother he is being rude without him snapping? He is nearly turning 19 so i feel like he understands enough to be responsible for his own actions. I want him to understand that we are blessed to be in the situation we are today and stop being selfish with his harsh tone towards others.

Thank you for taking time to read this post. I understand you have lots of questions relating even more serious issues and dont mind if you take your time in responding.

- AdviceNeeded786

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3 Responses »

  1. You need to get together with your sisters and parents and tell him to stop or else he can live elsewhere - that will get his attention.

    Of course there could be an underlying reason for his behaviour so you also need to ask him if there is a problem that he needs help with.

    But whatever the problem is, it does not justify his behaviour towards you, your sisters or your parents. If you don't put a stop to it now, it will only get worse.

    Get your parents to tell him he either treats you like human beings or he leaves the home. You should not have to put up with any longer.

    • I would have suggested either he leaves the house or respects his parents at home. I think you’re parents would be more worried if he was kicked out and fear that he is resorting to doing something bad outside. Something may lead to his anger issues. Was this always? I agree there should be a family meeting with him. He sounds like a spoiled brat (the new millennium phase) but I am sure it’s not your parents fault. Your parents should be stronger and speak up against him. If it leads to war then he should go somewhere else. Clearly, he is being selfish arrogant person who doesn’t accept his own faults.

      • Assalaamualaykum Tami,

        I hope you are well sister. 🙂

        I want to ask what you mean by "the new millennium phase."

        Thank you,


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