My husband doesn´t like my 3 years old son.
asalaam aleykum
I have been married for almost 2 years now but my husband doesn´t get along with my 3 years old son, we have a new born baby he makes differences between them. Please help.
mwa
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asalamu alaikum,
after readin this i jus cant believe your husband is that childish. your husband doesnt get along with your son, who is jus 3yrs old. what can a 3yr old do for him to hate him this much? i think his selfish every child needs love whether its his or not.
when your 3yr old grows up he will notice that his dad is playin favouritese and it will hurt his feelings deeply, he will feel neglected.
sis you should tell your husband as a family man, he needs to love both child equally and to stop this childish behaviour. sis i think cos your son is from your previous marriage and he cant accept the fact that its not his. but still he has no right to hold a grudge against a child.
ma salama
She said she's been married for almost 2 years and the son is 3 years old. It clearly shows that, that little boy was borm before their marriage, maybe the little boy is not his son, that could be the reason he's acting like that..I'm sure deep deep inside hime there nothing towards the little child, but he can't accept the fact that he is some1 else's NOT HIS SON .
As salamu alaykum, sister mwa,
I agree with Ahmed, but I have to add the following, children are very sensitive, he maybe jealous already because there is a little one at home and he is the oldest one now, that would be tough enough for him by itself, tends to be quite stressing to adapt to have less attention from parents and from everyone in general. If your husband is making this step even harder for your son, call him to attention and let him know this is cruel, but don´t do it to hurt him, explain it to him in a way that he will understand what your son is going through, insha´Allah.
Your son is just going through a normal process of adapting himself, if he see balance and you make him understand the process, talking to him and acknowledging his needs, he will understand, children understand more than we think, and they respond very well if you show them your unconditional love, at the end the calls of attention what are telling you, is that he needs you and he needs to know he didn´t lose you, once he is sure about this may be he will begin his times playing alone and wanting to care of the little one, and this type of things, he deserves your attention and your care as well as your husband´s.
Talk to your husbands softly and sweet, both of you are the adults, with three years old, maybe he can begin to do the same things than the baby and have a bottle or losing control of sphynters, not all the children react the same.
Please as the mother be patience and loving towards him even when you think you cannot stand more, at this time breath deeply and hug him and tell him how much you love him, if he is noticing to much difference with the little one, his "world" maybe crumbling, please take into account his suffering, you don´t want this, try to make your husband understand and tell him to be patience and loving towards your son too, insha´Allah.
Teach your husband, you can do it, if it is a question of maturity, he will understand when you explain it to him, sometimes just bringing forward the issues will help to improve or even solve the situation, not accusing or judging, just letting him know that you notice.... he may not doing it on purpose, a baby always calls our attention, you are a team and a family, work on harmony and try to solve all the possible misunderstandings always focused on Allah(swt), insha´Allah.
May Allah(swt) guide all of you in this new situation to the best. Ameen.
It is normal all these struggles at the begining, you are a new family, just need to synchronized and readjust all your needs, talk, communicate, choose to be loving and caring instead of getting annoyed and have fights, you can do it, Sister, insha´Allah.
My Heart is with all of you,
All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,
María
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I recently remarried after 6yrs of being divorced. I have a 6yr old son from my previous marriage & I believe that my husband is jealous of my son. My husband doesn't like him to enter our bedroom & has explained to me that he has to have restrictions. He says that he needs his space & blatantly tells my son to leave the room when my son has accepted him as his new father; he even calls him Daddy (he doesn't even call his biological father that). My son is a very loving child & he craves the attention of my husband as his biological father isn't playing any role in his life. I am unhappy about this situation & it has me torn up. Allah knows best & I've been making dua about it constantly....
Salaams,
Sister, please log in and write your question in a separate post. We will answer it in turn, in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamu alaykum,
What your husband is doing is not a good action and unfair towards the little kid. Anyone with sense would realize this.
Do not be depressed due to his behavior. Sit together and make it a habit of reading translation of Qur'an daily at some time of the day. Insha Allah on listening to it, his heart feel the guilt of wrong doing, he may see himself at fault.
Some verses of the Qur'an speak very powerfully about doing justice and not following passions and desires which lead one astray from the way of Allah.
135. O ye who believe ! Be ye staunch in justice, witnesses for Allah, even though it be against yourselves or (your) parents or (your) kindred, whether (the case be of) a rich man or a poor man, for Allah is nearer unto both (than ye are). So follow not passion lest ye lapse ( from truth ) and if ye lapse or fall away, then lo! Allah is ever Informed of what ye do. - Surah Nisaa.
90. Lo! Allah enjoineth justice and kindness, and giving to kinsfolk, and forbiddeth lewdness and abomination and wickedness. He exhorteth you in order that ye may take heed. - Surah Nahl.
57. In that day their excuses will not profit those who did injustice, nor will they be allowed to make amends. - Surah Ar Ruum.
Remind him of Allah. Tell him Allah loves those who are just. Tell him if he were in the place of the little boy how would feel? Discuss what is his real problem. Why is he acting in this way?
Remember, without talking kindly, it is hard to find a solution, so why a nice and calm dialogue. Tell him he is a little kid, and Allah has laid a responsibility upon him to father the child and so he should act justly.
If Allah opens his heart, then Subhaan Allah, good for you and the kid, if he remains the same, then his case is with Allah and you have to be patient.
Keep Sabr sister, give the kid his needed love and attention which your husband may not be giving. Do not let the child feel ignored. If he gets love even from one side, Insha Allah, he will grown up with a healthy pyschology.
Keep reading the Qur'an a lot and slowly with growing age, instruct the child also in learning the Qur'an. Insha Allah life will ease and Allah will make it peaceful and satisfactory for you and your family.
Salaam.
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Sorry for the mistakes in sentences. I am tired and a bit sleepy as its late.