Married him in secret but I told his sister, now he’s angry
My husband is Turkish Muslim, I am American Muslim convert 2 years ago, he is 30 never married before, I am 53, divorced, 2 children, and can have no more children. We met and fell madly in love. We love each other so deeply with all our soul.
After 2 years of meeting and getting to know each other we got married secretly and quietly but he did not tell his family. We have been very happy ever since. The problem is now they found out. His sister then contacted me and I did not deny it. But I offered no information. He has asked me to keep our marriage secret from most of his friends and family except a few very close friends.
I agreed, to his wishes as I felt it was up to him to tell his family. But I feel God would punish me if I lied. It did not make me happy to hide our marriage. But my love for him and his love for me made up for that and I prayed every day he would tell them. But as his wife I did not feel it was my place to say. And he is very angry with me because I did not lie to her when she called me. She already knew somehow we were married. My family welcomed him and know of our situation. My family is not Muslim.
What will happen now, he says it will be very bad for him. He is not talking to me. He is in another country working and I am in the States waiting for him to come home. I am so sad, I want my husband like before this happened. i pray and pray and cry and pray that he will start talking to me again. I know he is very worried. I love him so much. What can I do? What will his family try to do? Can they take him away from me? I know he loves me, and he trying to deal with this stress alone. But I am his wife and he should turn to me and we should share in the resolution of this problem.
Please give me your perspective on this. We have worked out a plan for having children as he only wants one. So i don't think that would be the issue. But I just don't know. I was raised Christian in the US and our culture is very different. I converted to Islam when I read the Quran and found myself.
~1happyrockgirl
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Honestly, I doubt if this man's sincerely with you and for the right reasons! Of course, you know things better, but I do not see a reason why your husband needs to keep your marriage and you a secret from everybody. Worst is, he's upset with you because you spoke the truth when you were asked to! Really?!
Time for reality check!
Salamu'alaiki sister,
You did the right thing by speaking the truth. Because some day, the Truth was to be known. And this is my opinion. There is one more opinion. Though lying is forbidden in Islam, it is somtimes allowed, when it can save a life of at the times of war, or somwthing of that sort. Hence, if it was very serious, you should have lied.
But even if you did so, then you'd be in a greater trouble, as, if they knew later that you lied, they'd have a bad impression about you.
Perhaps the family will disown you because you are much older than him. I am guessing this, because it is a general perception among people. The man you married has to face the challenges, giving total support to you.
What you can do now is call him to the US in any way possible so that you can discuss. He will probably perceive what you did as wrong, because he will have to face the challanges involved. Other parts of the World are unlike the US, they are conservative. But when he has made a decision, it is his duty to face the challenges involved. You need to meet him in any way possible so that you can explain.
I know it is difficult, but Allah is The Lord Who Guided you to Islam, and insha Allah, He will make happen, whatever is better for you. Just supplicate this abundantly:
'Allahumma la Sahla illa ma Ja'altahu Sahla.
Wa Anta Taj'alul hizna iza (اذا) Shi'ta Sahla'
'O Allah, there is no ease, except what you make easy and You can Make a grief easy, if You Wish so'
I pray to Allah that He unites you and keeps the love between you healthy
Aameen
Muhammad Waseem
salaam alaykum.
i read your post and as i am turkish, female - teen, i wanted to post a responce to your post. ofcourse i am not the one to judge and to speak for, but i just have a little doubt. nothing seems a problem in your relationship - marriage. Alhamdulillah your going very good. as brother Muhammad Waseem said, maybe you are too older than him, this could be a reason. but my concern is that it could be that he married you, kept it secret, and showed anger because his whole reason was to settle in the USA. Astagfirullah, may Allah the Almighty keep us away from any shaitanic thinking. but as i am turkish and i know many guys that do this very shamefully. i just want to you to be carefull and seek Allah, as He knoows the best - subhanallah.
My duas are with you inshallah. and i pray to Allah things go good inshallah.
Allah hafiz - wa alaykum salaam.
There is no such thing as secret marriages in Islam fullstop! Islam gave women status as wives don't let anyone take that away from you!
salam alaykum
Thank you for your responses. I still am not sure what to expect in the future but that is for God to know. But I do know we love each other very much. I hope some day his family will accept me, Inshallah. He is coming to the US in 50 days, I am so happy for this. We are not sure yet if we will stay here or go somewhere else, but as long as we are together it doesn't matter to me. I forwarded this to him, and he has not responded to me yet about it. If he chooses not to talk about it yet, I understand. But at least he is not angry with me. Again thank you!
walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu.
may Allah make it easy for all of us.
I don't understand why your husband is keeping you a secret I find that very fishy.
I don't understand why you would agree to be kept a secret.
Allah is all knowing so he may hide you away from his family
but he can't hide you away from Allah.