Should I tell my fiance that I’m not a virgin
I had a affair 4 years back and i lost my virginity! Now 'm engaged and wondering whether I should tell him about my past, but still if I don't say him he will find out later that I'm not a virgin! I dont want him to suspect me or divorce me after marriage! So is it best to tell everything before marriage?
-zara khan
Answer.
In answer to your question, no you should not tell him. As Muslims we are required to hide our sins and keep them between ourselves and Allah.
“All of my ummah will be fine except for those who commit sin openly. Part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night and Allaah conceals it, but in the morning he says, ‘O So-and-so, last night I did such and such.’ His Lord had covered his sin all night, but in the morning he removed the cover of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)
Did you repent for this sin? If not please turn to Allah swt and ask Him sincerely to forgive you. How will your fiancee find out? Unless there is 100% guarantee he will find out then Islamically you should not tell him. At the same time, lying about your past is prohibited. So if he asks you if you have had premarital sex you cannot lie and say 'no.' The recommended response is to say something more vague like "Allah protected me from this sin." He would interpret it as yes you are a virgin, whereas you would actually mean Allah protected you after you already committed zina. This is permissible.
Very important: You absolutely must get yourself tested for STDs and infections. If all tests are clear then you can pursue marriage with this man. If God forbid you do have an infection then you will have to reveal the sin. (If it cannot be eradicated.)
Please read these links for more info:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/boasting-about-sins/ (I appreciate you are not boasting - but this discussed revealing sins to others from islamic perspective.)
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
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In answer to your question, no you should not tell him. As Muslims we are required to hide our sins and keep them between ourselves and Allah.
“All of my ummah will be fine except for those who commit sin openly. Part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night and Allaah conceals it, but in the morning he says, ‘O So-and-so, last night I did such and such.’ His Lord had covered his sin all night, but in the morning he removed the cover of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5721; Muslim, 2990)
Did you repent for this sin? If not please turn to Allah swt and ask Him sincerely to forgive you. How will your fiancee find out? Unless there is 100% guarantee he will find out then Islamically you should not tell him. At the same time, lying about your past is prohibited. So if he asks you if you have had premarital sex you cannot lie and say 'no.' The recommended response is to say something more vague like "Allah protected me from this sin." He would interpret it as yes you are a virgin, whereas you would actually mean Allah protected you after you already committed zina. This is permissible.
Very important: You absolutely must get yourself tested for STDs and infections. If all tests are clear then you can pursue marriage with this man. If God forbid you do have an infection then you will have to reveal the sin. (If it cannot be eradicated.)
Please read these links for more info:
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/boasting-about-sins/ (I appreciate you are not boasting - but this discussed revealing sins to others from islamic perspective.)
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/my-past-to-my-husband-to-be/
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalam oalykum wr wb .May Allah save the chastity of our un married brothers and sister in Islam and protect them from this grievous sin ameen .
FIRST AND FOREMOST CAN YOU LIVE A LIFE WITH PEACE WITH A PERSON TO WHOM U HID YOU DEEPEST SECRET ?surely not.
Though i agree with the hadeeth and its authentic and true but I detest strongly with Sister sara as she interprets out of context, There are numerous hadeeth in which people confessed there adultery and fornication in front of Prophet muhammad saws could they not hide thinking of this Prophetic narration to hide there sin and keep it between Allah and themselves?
myself being a student of Uloom ul shariah he would surely find out, please as this kind of explanations will encourage people (of less knowledge) to commit sins and hide based upon that verse ,there is also a hadeeth that anyone who bears an atom weight of iman in there heart will enter jannah !? DOes this mean that we should stop promoting virtue, doing amal e saleh? Absolutely not. Its of the same sense
As for he who married a virgin, but it became apparent to him at consummation that she is not so for reasons of promiscuity committed before marriage, then he has the to take back the mahr (dower) he paid her and separate from her. Nevertheless, if he finds that she has truly repented, then if he keeps it confidential and conceals the matter and retains her in marriage, surely he will be rewarded for it by Allah>
So the second Option is quite evident and this situation is CERTAIN. and he has rites to do that if he find out . so its better you say to him . If he accepts then he is really a pious man who has patience and taqwa.
jaza kumullahu khairan
Walaikum salaam,
You're missing a valuable point in those hadiths, as well.
The Holy Prophet turned away from the confessors when they were confessing their sins and would not punish them, though they requested it, up until the fourth time regarding those instances. There are hadiths from the 2nd caliph in which sins were confessed, but the punishment was abrogated based on further investigation in light of the proper Islamic judicial application even when witnesses were brought forth.
There is also a hadith concerning the 4th caliph in which people hastened him to catch two people who were potentially fornicating and he walked slowly and nosily to the location. The peple that had led him were angry because with this noise the people were able to flee.
What do these hadiths prove?
That our sins are for Allah (swt) to forgive and that confession is not necessary, if we choose not to seek Islamic punishment of a sin that is only known to us and has been concealed. That is one aspect of many from these hadiths in using the proper context.
This does not encourage people to sin at all. That is like saying that Allah's Divine Mercy (swt) gives us permission to sin. God forbid. It instead gives us access to His Forgiveness and to turn in repentance to Him when we do sin.
Your application of separation based on virginity only would come into play if the man is expecting and specifically requesting a virgin bride. Some women will bleed and some do not. There is also the issue of masturbation causing less to no blood to flow, if a woman had committed this sin, which makes this option of separation even harder to apply. Also, even non-virgin women can bleed due the vigorous nature of the first sexual encounter with their new husband. Therefore, with this possibilities in place, it would be harder to prove a legitimate instance of this option towards divorce if the lady did not confess to the sin.