We are both Muslim, but her parents won’t agree for us to marry.
Asalamo alaikum,
I am Muslim and my girl friend is Muslim. We do practice our deen the best we can. I have been married before and so is she. We both have kids, 2 each. We want to get married but her parents are not having it only because the mother wants her to get married to some other man and the father too. Her last marriage was to a man her father chose for her and it did not work out and she has asked them to let her make her choice this time but it does not sit well with them.
She told them that she would not want another man other then me and she would like them to be happy for her.
What can we do to make them understand as we have done every think in our power.
Jazakallah
~Mman23
12 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salam brother ,
First of all if u are practicing deen I hope that you understand that there is no GIRL FRIEND in Islam 🙂
You know what I mean.
2ndly the best way is to make sincere dua to Allah SWT and by this I REALLY mean sincere , not just a regular dua which lasts for five minutes. Ask Allah to make ur marriage possible only if it is better for you and her ...
Remember Allah never says NO to a sincere prayers ..
Allah SWT has three possible answers :
1 ) YES
2 ) WAIT
3 ) I HAVE A BETTER PLAN FOR YOU .
that's what I could think of but I think experts at this site may give you better solutions and advice 🙂
Jazak Allah
salams,
may be if brother Mmans 23 would have said that I know a sister who i would like to marry etc then his situation would have been considered very islamic. i really dont know in todays world if your wali is either not interested in getting you married or have already got you married to a person that you never got a chance to talk to understand if they are compatable or not , how do we then get to know the potential person???
not everyone using the word girlfriend or boyfriend is meaning that they have crossed the boundaries.
in some other post it was mentioned that their is no place in islam for emotional relationships.i understand that inaapropriate talk is not allowed but if you dont talk to the person how do you know them enough? how can one marry without being attracted to another person. the word Attraction not laways means physical attraction. dont we all get attracted to the character more than the physical.
or may be it is their character that makes them look so attractive physically as well.
just few questions that keep going through my mind
agree with u. we are not always supposed to marry someone direct without at least his or her character etcc. especially todays people are tricky liars and complicated. we cant marry just without talking to the persons. as long as they talk in the purpoae of getting married its aounds correct.
Salams sister Friend,
I saw your comments and couldn't help correcting you on some of the things your wrote.
To start of boyfriend and girlfriend by their literal meaning are the lover of one another, now Islam doesn't allow any such thing before marriage. Yes, we can have feelings for someone but to honor that person we should adopt the right approach which ask their hand in marriage from their wali. I read somewhere on an advice forum where the respected scholar advised a sister to never take someone's seriously who confesses their love for her or any women before marriage. It makes more sense, you can't say that as I believe it's more honorable to say that "I find you attractive, mature and you have what I am looking for in a spouse so, I believe we maybe compatible as marriage partners then he can approach the Wali to finally ask for hand". Here, it is more firm and person seems seriously interested/genuine about marriage rather then leading someone on and giving them false hopes. One doesn't have to straight away say that they are definitely going to marry someone without even knowing them; rather get to know each other; if compatible then take the next step; if not then move on iA. Doesn't it save us from fitnah of falling into sin and passing through pain and hardship of leaving someone who wasn't genuine or serious? Here on this forum, a lot of times sisters were taken advantage off by men who vowed to love them and then later on they backed off after using them (not always in physical sense). Again, here if emotional bond was to be formed with a person who wasn't serious or didn't use the right channel to propose then you can imagine the amount of heartache it will cause a sister to completely remove that person from her life; move on and find someone genuine. In fact it scares them and they sometimes look for those traits in every man who proposes them rather then their good habits, character or personality.
I hope it makes sense iA.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
waalaikum asalam brother muhammed,
thanks for the 'correction' , you sound like my masjid's maulvi sahab with a stick in the hand trying to correct people.
i said these are just some of the questions that go through my mind , i never said relationships outside marriage are ok in any way.but the reallity is that most of the people ( and i mean mostly under 25's) are in a relationship. telling them there is no such thing as girlfriend or boyfriend in islam will only make them go to a person who actually do understand which is their peer group.
understanding that in today's world we all will come across people at study places, at work, in neighbourhood that we will develop some feelings for which we just need to know how to react to islamically. most o the time wali will not be there.
the world unfortunately is no longer a place, where a boy sees a girl, sends his message through aquintances to the girl, if she agrees then send parents to finalise matters.
sarah , one of the editors , had given a very practicle advice, she said if you are talking to a potential proposal than before you say anything , think if my parents were listening to this would i say this. i think this tip is very good.
sorry brother muhammed , i know your intention is not wrong but your manner of addressing was very repulsive for me.
you never understood what i was trying to say.
jazakallah khair for your advise anyway.
Sister Friend,
I will appreciate that you don't compare me with any Mullah as I have my own mind, I read and accept what makes sense rather then follow someone blindly:). Besides, no one is holding gun to anyone to accept their opinion; I know many people around me are in haram relationships but it still doesn't make it OK for me to do the same. I will be responsible for my deeds only not for what majority is doing; I don't go around preaching Islam and telling people what is haram and halal. I just saw your comment and thought to correct you; I wasn't attacking/accusing you or saying that you are employing that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships are OK:). I was replying to your two statements;
not everyone using the word girlfriend or boyfriend is meaning that they have crossed the boundaries.
Again, if you open the dictionary and see the meaning then everything will be clear and see if Islam permits such a thing before marriage because being lover is more than a feeling, I believe.
and
in some other post it was mentioned that their is no place in islam for emotional relationships.i understand that inaapropriate talk is not allowed but if you dont talk to the person how do you know them enough? how can one marry without being attracted to another person.
I should have mentioned that it is important for us to be attracted to the person we are introduced for marriage however, emotional attachment follows afterwards once we are married. This was the whole point; I apologize if I came as rude/offensive or repulsive in any way.
Muhammad1982,
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Dear Mman23,
asalamalaikum,
i dont know how old you are but if you both have 2 kids each then you must be big enough to make your own decisions. if you both have been divorced that makes you even more experienced with what a relationship requires. if you both ready to move into a house and can afford 4 kids together then just tell parents that we are getting married on this day and your blessings and presence is much needed. either they will come or not . you 2 just get married and start living a life together. afterall nikah is all that you need to be called as husband and wife.
Dear Mman23
Agreed relationship boyfriend and girlfriend are not allowed in Islam. But considered what you both been through I seriously think do not listen to your parents isn’t it a sign why you both ended up miserable in the first place that you was gifted with children but your parents made a mistake arranging the marriage with useless matches and also that experience you both went through wasn’t meant to be. You deserve to be happy with a free voice of being happy and I believe talk to both parents and even they don’t agree you both still have the rights to marry each other life still goes on and you have to make the correct choices to what makes you happy not your parents there’s only a matter in time there will be no one else holding your hand. I wish you the best
Mman23, As-salamu alaykum,
A divorced woman does not need a wali for marriage and can represent herself. So the two of you can go ahead and get married even if her parents are not present. Of course you still need to meet the other conditions of marriage, such as payment of mahr, two witnesses, making the marriage public, etc.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
As salam o alikum Brother Wael,
Can you please provide us with the reference to 'a divorced woman does not need a wali for marriage and can represent herself.'
JazakAllaah
Khuda Hafiz
Sister Hafsah
Hafsah, see for example the ruling here on Sunnipath.com. There are many evidences provided:
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=12090&CATE=239
Actually what they are saying on Sunnipath goes even further. They are saying that a Muslim adult female does not need a wali; and that the hadith stating the need for a wali is intended for young women who are not old or mature enough to represent themselves well.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JazakAllaah Brother Wael.
Allaah knows best!
Sister Hafsah