Married and not in love…feeling guilty about it
I have been married for 6 years now to a man I have never fell in love with. This is my second marriage. I have been divorced due to physical abuse by my first husband. I got remarried for the wrong reasons.. one was to make my parents happy due to them approving of the man I got married to. After my divorce I fell in love with someone online but never got married to them due to him being in a different country and had no chance of asking for my hand from a far distance, plus from the culture I come from if my parents ever found out I had some type of relation to a man I would get in huge trouble and they would never trust me again.
So, I being dumb gave up that dream to marry the man who I truely fell in love with and told him I cant marry him and was too afraid to tell my parents about him. I went and agreed to marry the man my parents approved of and made them happy. At first my marriage was fine the first year...but after the 3rd year things started to go down hill. Many problems doing with his family and money. Arguements about how I answer him back and mostly fighting over why he swears at me while arguing, he has no respect for me what so ever. Now things are getting worse and I have kids with him. I try not to fight with him in front of them. I love my kids very much and cant imagine how they would feel if they knew I dont love their father. I wake up every day wishing my heart would accept him to enter it, but it is not in my hands I never loved him and I feel I never will. I try not to think of the past and the man I fell in love with, but it is also not in my hands, he is the only one who has truely took over my heart.
I feel sooo guilty and feel like I am cheating on my husband by giving my heart to someone else. I fear Allah will punish me for this. What can I do to avoid this awful feeling of back stabbing him. and to help me fall in love with my husband? Is it haram to be in love with someone else while living with a different man?
Jazak Allah khair.
- Guilty wife
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yes its haram for a married woman to love another man.
sister love is nothing more than emotions and its totaly in ur own hands.
whenever satan gets u to think about that guy say staghfar and ask Allah(swt) to guid you to the right path and try not to be alone because when ur aone u thin more I hope this can help u.
Assalamu Alaikum
I have to disagree with the sister above me. Love is not just an emotion, because even Prophet Muhammed loved Aisha more than his other wives. However, I think that love can grow with a person, and I think maybe you and your husband probably need to learn to communicate better with one another, and open up towards one another, especially in terms of feelings. Some men can feel threatened by the smallest of things, and therefore will lash out due to insecurity or maybe your husband probably even feels that you don't love him, which could be why he says the things he says when you're fighting. And I think respect is a two way street, so you probably both need to learn to respect each other. Nonetheless, you are the mother of his children, and he is the father, so there is a bond there for life. I think maybe you should get the other guy out of your mind and heart, and start all over with your husband because he probably didn't get a fair chance to begin with, since the other man was always lingering in your mind and heart somewhere. And during a fight, maybe you should reach out to your husband and do something unexpected like hold his hand while he's yelling at you, because physical comfort is also very important. I think you can learn to love anyone, and try to see the good in your husband. Money will come and go, and don't let your in-laws take over your marriage, because there's no point in letting someone destroy something that you can make precious. I hope that helps sister, and insha'Allah Allah will bless your marriage, and your life, and the life of your children and husband and open your heart so that you can love him sincerely and remove the love you have for the other man.
Love is actions and not just words most people say i love Allah but they dont perform salaah and they r lazy to fast and do so much sins now where is love? Most women say i love my husband but she likes shouting and making him angry she is even lazy now where is the love? Today most people dont know what is the true meaning of love so if u dont know it leave it dont abuse it dont even mention it yes the prophet s.a.w loved his wife aisha and ghadija r.a alot he did not just say it he showed it now he knew whats love.thats y i say dont wonder abt love just turn to Allah and work for the hearafter coz thats better than a hypocritical love if u really love ur man hamdulillah but most just say and show nothing.and pls sex does not show love or giving him a baby.he can take any women on the street and do that.
Muslim Sister I mean in such a case love is emotion because she is already married and its haram for a married person to love another person. Love is pure and it does'nt allow anything haram. as for Muhamad(s.a.w) his love was for his wife Ayesha was his wife not someone as in her case just someone.
Sister u cannot help for what you feeling and NO its not in your hands we cannot control the way we feel and ALLAH is most merciful!ayesha ur response is abit harsh!