IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Born out of wedlock

I am very confused about my marriage, my husband and how to deal with this situation.

My husband has 2 children, both were born before he married their mothers, he has a girl from his first wife, but he has a son from another girl, whom he never married. Both children don't follow Islam as they mostly live with their mothers who are Christians (American).

I didnt know about this before marriage, he told me he was married earlier. I felt he was a very nice person and would keep me happy, so I married him, I have lot of problems, I have OCD, and was getting old, so decided to marry him.

He is a nice person in general, he is not seeing any girl after marriage, tries to keep me happy but also fights with me a lot as he very short tempered. I get very stressed when he has to let his son come and live with him. I don't live with his son, so he goes to his other house and lives there, he leaves me for about 4 weeks to live with him in summer, also he goes 3 times a year to live with his son.

I feel very bad as he never tries to teach his son anything about Islam since his son lives normally with his mother who is not a Muslim. My husband is also not very religious. He told me many things before marriage which made me feel he was religious and his son is also a Muslim. But thats not the case. He never told me his children were both born before he got married. He does fast but rarely prays or reads Quran.

I want to know what should I do about this relationship?  I feel he is not doing right by raising his son as a non-Muslim. Also I don't like him meeting his son as it reminds me of the wrongdoings of him with previous girl and makes me very angry. What are the rights of such a child who is not born from a married couple? Should I let him do whatever he is doing, is that right? But how do I keep myself calm?

Moreover, he promised me to help me get better with my OCD, but now he gets angry with me. I have become quite sick with stress and anxiety as he argues with me a lot and shouts at me. I am totally confused as I got married so late and now I am so unhappy but I can't think of going back to living alone. It would be not easy to get married again.

One more question, I read in Islam it is wife's duty to keep husbands secret, my husband's family doesn't know about his kids, they think he was married to one wife and had kids with her only. Is it wrong for me to tell them about the truth, is that betraying my husband as he asked me not to tell anyone when I found out about it. Even though kids don't follow Islam, his family accepts them and lives with his son when he comes to visit.

Please advise.

~ copper