Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Haram relationship, pregnant and feeling guilty

Muslim woman in hijabAsalamualaikum. Please I am looking for non-judgemental advice. I took my shahada over a year ago, beforehand I was kind of having relations with a Bengali man. I then went on holiday and made the decision when I came home I need to do my shahada.

The man and I lost touch and I was avoiding seeing him as he kept asking. I then gave in one day and started this haraam relationship. This has been going on now for 2 years. However there has been dramatic change both in him and myself. I have a daughter who is 5 and he is just like her dad. I see him as my husband. I am pregnant and nothing is halal. I want to protect my family and seek forgiveness from Allah swt. I want my daughters to grow up guided by Islam and following the Prophet´s path pbuh.

My partner is going travelling next month for work and I’m worried about something bad happening. His family knows nothing about us or about the baby, but I’m in fear that this sin is continuing and will get worse.

I want us to seek forgiveness from Allah swt, and start properly on the correct path, I don’t want to force him.

Please can I have advice on how he could tell his mum? He doesn’t want to upset her and is scared this could cause ill health. I feel it’s right by the will of Allah to seek forgiveness and repent for our sins.

Any advice would be great

Kind regards

- dom

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5 Responses »

  1. I will never for the life of me understand why or how people have the balls to completely give in to their urges and breed an entire family in secret, but are too coward and timid to be upfront about it...too scared to take the consequences of their own choices and actions. You have SERIOUSLY complicated matters for yourselves - and unnecessarily so. Because you have lied through your teeth to your families, and have done something so major as to have KIDS and NOT tell your families about it...they are absolutely NOT going to be okay with anything you and your boyfriend have done. There's NOTHING you can do or say to break the news to your families without them getting serious disappointed and angry. You just don't have children and not tell anyone you supposedly love and care about...what's wrong with you two?! And to make matters worse, you're not even married...yeah, your families are not going to not get upset. My suggestion to you is to accept that your families WILL be upset, and that it's going to be extremely difficult to come clean about your lies...and your children. But if you want to move on with your life, and truly better yourself...this is a step you need to take.

    Secondly, you need to stop telling yourself that your boyfriend is pretty much like your husband - it's these kind of false convictions that have put you in the sticky position that you're in now. You see your boyfriend as your husband, so you think it's okay to live with him, have sex with him and have his children. Reality is, you don't have a marriage. A marriage is a legal contract that protects you and your children - and your boyfriend as well - and you have robbed yourself, your boyfriend and, more importantly, your children of that protection. Well done, mum. You and your boyfriend need to determine if you want to be together properly or not...and then just let your families know that you have messed up, but intend on making things right immediately.

    You need to get over your fear of facing the consequences for your actions. You're not only an adult, but you're also a mum...you need to grow up, take responsibility and stop keeping dirty little secrets. Same goes for your boyfriend. As I mentioned, there's absolutely no way in Hell your families won't be upset with you two, but what are you going to do? Hide your children forever?

    • You keep saying you want it to become halal, you want to start your family properly and you want this and that. But! Your action shows otherwise. Its like an artist having an image in their head but painting a completely different as to whats on their mind.

      Number 1, you need to take time out and cut all haram ties you have in your life. Then you need to work on your iman and then simultaneously confess to everyone who cares about you and explain to them about your family. A big if, only if you can, get married to the bf before telling anyone and that way you don't need to explain anything and can keep it a secret.

      You clearly lost your self of worth and iman and you need to go back and correct this and then ask yourself what do you want from your life and then work towards it and not just say it and do the opposite. This bf is very bad for your daughter to see.

  2. OP: His family knows nothing about us or about the baby, but I’m in fear that this sin is continuing and will get worse.......I want .......start properly on the correct path, I don’t want to force him.......Please can I have advice on how he could tell his mum? He doesn’t want to upset her and is scared this could cause ill health. I feel it’s right by the will of Allah to seek forgiveness and repent for our sins.

    Does not look like this guy will marry you? His mum will get upset, this could cause ill health are just excuses. You are just being used for sex. Go ahead and tell his mom that she is going to be a grandma. soon.

  3. You were definitely used. I don’t know what your talking about haram relationship. If you know what haram relationship is then you shouldn’t have slept with him. He knows it’s wrong but took the chance to follow his desire to have fun with you. Coward, doesn’t he know that he can pregnant a girl and now wants to hide his child. His parents will either force his son to get married to you or convince you to get an abortion. And don’t convert to Islam because his family wants you to.

    • SVS and Tami,
      Why are you painting OP out to be a victim? She's NOT being used at all, she's willingly engaging in pre-marital sex, co-living and co-parenting...how is she being used, exactly? She knows it's all wrong, but she doesn't seem to care much about it - otherwise, she wouldn't still be doing it. Just because she's a woman, doesn't mean she is beign taken advantage of when she does haram things with a man. We can't hold men responsible for women's actions. Women are not mentally retarded - if they were, then yeah, it would be fair to always blame men for women engaging in haram.

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