Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Converting to Islam, I feel lost and need help


confusion decision

I am in a relationship and engaged with my partner I understand this status is not recognised under Islam. Her parents and family give their blessing for us to be married later this year. She is muslim and I am not, we have been together for 1 year. I intend to convert within the next month and get circumcised within the next week or two. We love each other very much, she came into my life at a time when I did not think I would find someone like her. I know in my heart if I lose her I would not find the same again and this would be tragic for me. I have never really had religion in my life apart from school and now as an adult I see things in Islam which I would like in my life. Previously I would turn to god and pray when things were really difficult but I never attend church or religious meetings.

My problem: before giving their blessing her parents asked me questions about my intentions toward their daughter and religion. When we spoke about religion I was very defensive (I knew this in my own mind at the time) and I also didn’t answer their questions very well I was very clumsy. The result was they thought I was not very serious with the religion and were not fully convinced. I was very nervous at the time. In fact when I am around a group of people who practice religion I feel insecure because I never have done this. Because I am new this makes me look uncertain and not very confident, when I try to explain these feeling to people I sound defensive again. I know in my heart there are things in Islam which would benefit and improve my life I can see this in muslim families I know in different countries. Even now I struggle to explain so hope you understand what I am saying.

My girlfriend is helpful and understanding but I am scared, it is like wanting to get into a cold swimming pool on a hot day but I’m afraid to jump in.

I am sorry for the long post and hope you take the time to read. I just need help.


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4 Responses »

  1. Dear 'TopCat',

    Thank you for writing here wth your query. I do understand what you are saying. From where you are standing, everything just seems to be happening way to fast, right? Not only are you walking towards marrying the girl you love and care about, but you are also walking into a religion, a family and a community who are very different to what you have known all your life.

    Since you submitted your post some time ago and you said you were going to accept Islam within the next two weeks, I am assuming that you are now Muslim. I hope you took your time to learn about this beautiful religion before taking shahaadah, only so that you accept it whole heartedly.

    If your prospective's parents are/were doubting whether you had sincerely accepted Islam, this is understandable. They want to be sure that their daughter is marrying someone who truly believes and is not just faking it as for a true Muslim, Islam is a way of life, every decision we make and every goal we set is influenced by Islam and our Hereafter.

    The best thing you can do though is to take the parents in confidence and speak to them openly. Tell them that while you wish to marry their daughter sincerely, you also wish to accept Islam sincerely but need time to learn about it first so you can do it wholeheartedly. What would help would be if you had someone who can help you and guide you at your own pace. Have you tried approaching your local Mosque or Imam of the Mosque? From the Mosques I know, the brothers there would be most understanding and willing to guide you at your own pace. I guess this depends on where you live. If you are in London, there are many places where you can find he support you need.

    I know a Muslim girl in the same situation. Her brother is guiding the young man whom she wishes to marry. When he accepts Islam truly from his own heart, they will marry. Whereas this girl's brother is supporting and helping them both, her parents are not supporting her. So you are fortunate that you have the parents support.

    I know you are feeling overwhelmed, but really I do not want you to feel pressured by Islam. Do not feel that by accepting Islam, you will have to cut off from old family and friends. Islam is a way of life that encourages us to keep good ties with people, Muslim and non-Muslim. There are some changes you will find yourself having to make, but these are positive changes.

    If you have already accepted Islam, Congratulations Brother and Welcome : ). If you have not yet done so and are actively still looking into it, Well Done on this as this too is a positive step. Either way, if you need help, please be open with 'the parents', they seem to be understanding enough to help you. Also, find a Mosque with some good Muslim brothers, I am sure they will help you. If they do not, then I am sure they are not truly practising Islam.

    Let us know what we can do for you. Do you want clarity on certain aspects of Islam? Do you want help being put in touch with good Muslim communities? We await your response inshaAllah.

    SisterZ Editor

  2. Dear 'TopCat',

    You may find this weblink useful:

    Happy Reading,


  3. The peace for you dear Topcat,

    Do believe in the God? Do you accept Muhammad as the final messenger?

    Since you seem to sound like you have fear in you, let me quote you the following:

    Quran 3:175 translation
    It was only satan frightening (you through) his friends. But do not fear them – fear Me if you are believers.

    And since you mentioned that you loved someone, I'd have to also mention this one:

    Quran 2:165 translation
    And [yet], among the people are those who take other than God as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love God. But those who believe are stronger in love for God. And if only they who have wronged would consider [that] when they see the punishment, [they will be certain] that all power belongs to God and that God is severe in punishment.

    There is the God willing one way to improve your peace when it comes to islam, study it. And of course studying takes time in any subject, and islam is a subject that will help you for everything in your life inshallah. But you have to know it.

    Hey, we all had to jump in that cold swimming pool in swimming lessons no matter what temperature it was lol, subhanallah.

    If you do inshallah get married, then here's a recommendation for a honey moon

  4. salam 3laikom r u ?
    i think that every one beleivs in god it is a feeling that allah created in humans so ..just follow your feeling ...when u know more islam you will find that is the only religion that makes e sens ...
    you say that you are afraid ... you just have to remember the prophet what sufred just for islam know the past is not like nowdays ..they hated him ..they called him a bad names .... when he prays they put dirty things on him ....he sufred a lot for us get this religion arrived true to us dont be afraid when you face people who are not good too you just remeber the prophet what faced .... just say how much he is gonna be happy if knows that a new muslim man sufres for his religion allah will give a lot of happiness ...becaouse if you try to make allah satisfied even people ar angry of you sure there will come a day when allah loves you and make people love you ... i hope for you to follow islam follow your feelings and inchallah you ll be happy ... i hope for a happiness with the woman you have chosen ..allah blesses you both salam 3alaikom

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