I am a chinese girl dating a muslim boyfriend
I had been with a muslim boyfriend for more than 11 months. I knew from the start it will be difficult. I never did avoided the topic of our religion, we discussed about it, but it always lead to no answer. The amazing part was that my great, great grandmother was actually a muslim but she left the muslim religion to be with a chinese man. I know from the start if I was to be with my boyfriend, there will be many obstacles but we just get along so well that we never thought of giving up. The problem is I do not know if I am ready to be a muslim or not, because I love food. I lived in Singapore, there're alot of food there are not HALAL. What can I do? Honestly, FOOD is the only thing I am concerned about. Another problem will be that I do not know how to speak malay.
Somehow, I enjoyed my life the most when I am with my bf, when I had the chance to explore the culture in Malaysia. How much they respect the elderly, how they greet each other, their food, the way they expressed themselves. I also been to malay engagement parties, I thought I will feel terribly uncomfortable but amazingly, I am OK with it. My parents started out being OK with my bf, they brought him branded stuffs .. gave him gifts.. even if my dad called him "fat" often .. I was ok with it. Sadly, they disliked him alot after a while because they realised I will never be able to commit in the muslim religion. It was a month before the fasting month, my mom said I will never be able to fast. With discouragement, I felt sad but I never did gave him on my bf. My mom became cold to him, it hurts me to see it like this. She don't understand my shoes.
My family is from Hongkong and Hongkong rarely have malays so my parents are those who never had malay adults as friends before.. they believe the religion is "unnecessary". But I know it isn't true, I am learning, tell me.. what can I do? In worse case, I will just choose my faith .
Note: my family are free-thinkers but they sort-of believe in buddist
-angeliciachan
15 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Salaams,
I am not sure what exactly you are asking here. Are you questioning whether you should become Muslim, regardless of your boyfriend? Truly, if you want to believe and practice something, it should have nothing to do with who you are in a relationship with. In Islam, it is not required for a bride to be Muslim, as long as she believes in One God.
Or, are you asking whether you can be in a relationship with a Muslim boy, even though you aren't Muslim yourself? In Islam, there is no such thing as "dating". If he wants to be with you, it has to be with intention of marrying. As I said before, as long as you believe in God and are not atheist or polytheist, he is able to marry you according to Islamic law. It would be wrong of him, or anyone else, to tell you or try to force you to be Muslim just for the sake of marrying him.
All religious issues aside, what do you believe right now? What do you believe about God, our existence as humans, our purpose for having been created? What do you think characterizes the relationship between mankind and our Creator? Are we obligated in anyway toward Him? If so, how do we determine what pleases Him so that we can live according to the purpose for which we were created? Islam isn't about rules of what we can or can't do, what foods we can or can't eat. Islam is a guidance for what it means to be a true human being. If you have a car, you learn how to operate that car don't you? You learn that if you put water instead of gas in it, it will not drive, or it could cause other problems in the engine. The prohibition against haram food isn't just it's own sake, it's to help our souls and bodies do what they are supposed to do. If you wanted your soul to become purer, so that your character can be better, and you knew eating haram only worked against that, what would you do?
Personally, I think it's better to be a Muslim who struggles with eating haram, than to be a non Muslim who fasts. Allah knows best, this is just my opinion. There is a lot you have to weigh on a personal level, and you have to do it whether you end up being with this boy in time to come or not.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Girl you can any food you like as long as it's not pork.
@fatimah
Not really- it has to be Halaal..as the original poster too realises hence raises the issue of halal food in Singapore. And there are other things besides pork that are haraam too, though yes majority of things Allah has made halaal for us.
well sister
U wanna marry him or
U wanna concern about food or
U don't think ur parents will allow the marriage or
Do I think of clash of culture malay and chinese
or all other the above
Angela,
muslim guy can only marry you if you are from the people of the book-practising jew or christain and not just by name.
But if you are not practising jew or christain, then the muslim guy cannot marry you until you sincerely accept Islam for the sakeof Allah and not for the sake of your love or the muslim boy you are with.
If you care about God then you will do anything to find out who God is and what He has made lawful and forbidden and try to practise God's law, only to please Him and no one else. And there is only ONE God and He is ALLAH. Please learn about Allah then afterwards sort out your marriage life with a muslim guy- provided you become muslim.
In the interim you need to break this relationship before marriage with this muslim guy and if he asks why, then just remind him that in Islam boyfriend and girlfriend is not allowed.
Btw I love and adore food too!!! But yeah as a muslim I have to takecare of what I eat. 😀
With best wishes,
Parveen
-x-
hello..i'm with my arabic bf for 2 years..we started with a friendship and as time goes, we start to plan our future together..getting married and all..my family doesnt like him..he feels it but i can only be speechless..i love him, that's how i love whatever he believes in..im still working on us..by the way, im 24 yo chinese from KL..yes, there are lots of food in malaysia but we eat everything except pork..chinese, malay, indian, western, u name it..u r still lucky that ur family accepted him..why dont u accept his beliefs then? my family is very, very conservative and they are strong believer in taoism..
Hi, hello there. I'm here is (i think) not to give answer or description, but i just wanna share mine and a bit give u opinion. I'm moslem indonesian, now dating with chinese guy. We're also opened to talk about religion, god, etc, and we had a deal that he's going to be a moslem (in case we're married). the problem is that he also concerning exactly what u're concerned with, foods. For me, I'm a half vegan (i don't like any meat but i like seafood so much) and it's not because of any Islamic practicing rule or sth but it's simply because i don't like the taste of meat. then once I said to him that i can accept anything but not for the pork. because for me (i didn't say moslem as representative moslem people), thats stuf, pork is very forbidden cz its not only haram if we eat it,but also when we touch it. for any others, i think i can accept it. anyway i dont wanna force my bf to be a real practicing moslem directly cz i know that it will take times to be like that. best wishes for u 🙂
if u stay in singapore...u can go any mosque around singapore..they provide some women and men who work in side and u can ask a lot of question to them and settle up all ur doubts..singapore mosque is very systematic unlike malaysia...about the food...i think singaporean malay housewives is really good in cook...no prob
Hi there I need your solution for my problem i am a taoist chinese lady my boyfriend is a muslim my boyfriend propose to me my problem does i need to convert to muslim if I have to for singapore registry of marriage I really need your solution thank you
fynn, I don't know about the Singapore registry of marriage - you should ask the registry office - but a Muslim cannot marry a Taost according to the laws of Islam. Such a marriage would not be recognized by Islam and would be considered invalid. If you want to marry him legally in Islam, you must convert to Islam.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hi fynn.. In Singapore... Muslim weddings are officiated by The Registrar of Muslim Marriages... The counsellors there will usually advice that in the case of non Muslims wishing to marry Muslims to convert to Islam... However you may choose to just have a civil marriage but I doubt your future spouse will agree to that if he is a practising Muslim...Ultimately it is your choice, but I will suggest you really learn more about Islam through books and dialouges with knowledgeable people.. or visit a mosque just to find out more...
If your Muslim bf is practicing Islam you need to know what Islam is to have a successful life later. Don't consult radical Muslims or those who have little knowledge about Islam. Your question is not really clear. You need to elaborate it by giving more info.
Hi Fynn... try to put this aside first. Try to study what is Islam. And why there are so many religion in the world besides Islam. Where do those religion come from. Islam is a very interesting religion which can guide in every way of your life.
Im at Malaysian Chinese... who having the same situation. I study,I learn and I adapt. I revert to Islam since 2015 and till today. I know my parents dont like it but we have our rights to choose what to choose for our own good. No matter how hard it is to let parents know bout this. One day they will understand and support you.
Foods- yes, I know there are plenty of chinese food which can't resist to eat. But for the beginner like you... you can eat those chinese food but without the 'meat' or alternate item instead of pork you can change to beef or chicken as what suits your appetite. Then slowly you can adapat to chinese halal food or any halal food. It doesnt mean when you cant eat pork there comes to end of the world and full time vegetarian. Islam has his own reason why you should eat halal food...why those animal have to be slaughtered before we eat it.
Islam is a wonderful religion. Don't let people who surrounded you to change your concept of Islam. Insya-Allah you will be better man with guidance of Islam.
Hy!
How you tell your parents about convrting? How you do tht? My bf is a Chinese..and he is a Taoist..His family is a strong believer in Taoism..He do tell his mom he wants to have a Malay Gf..But his mom said his father wont allow you.Even his cousin also say "your father will kill you" . He wants to get married but he doesnt have the courage yet..I dont know wht should I do..I really2 love him and I really want to marry him..I dont know whtr I should wait for him or not.He said he still dont know to convert yet or not.He still afraid of all these. He dont know also if he could adapt to Islam. Wht should I do..
Do not give up. If he truly makes u happy . Please continue. I am dating a muslim bf as well he truly makes me happy. Do not be discourage by those harsh words from ur parents