Her dad runs a brothel, and I’m concerned about the stigma
A "brothel mall" in Bangkok, Thailand
Salam alaykum,
let me start by saying jazakumullahu khairan for this service you are rendering.
There is a wonderful lady (Muslim sister) that I'm in the process of getting married to. We have been together for some time and mashaAllah, i've met her parents. They are nice.
The little snag i have at the moment is this - she told me sometime ago that her dad has a brothel. Now I asked her what she felt about that and she said she disapproves.
Personally, after thinking about it, I feel it doesn't (shouldn't) affect our future once she is of the principle that it is wrong and she disassociates herself from such.
The only concern is what my parents/siblings could feel if they know of such as it could be a thing of stigma.
I have written this in a rush. I hope you get the picture I've painted.
Your kind advice or even understanding will be appreciated.
Jazakumullahu khairan
- Abu Zayd
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Walaikumsalaam Abu Zayd,
Alhumdulillah - JazakhAllah for your question.
Wow - what a profession. Your future father in law is indulging in major haraam, not only is he harming himself but he is also spreading extreme evil on a community level aswell. May Allah give us all hidaayah - Aameen.
Brother, if this Muslimah agrees and accepts that prostitution and running a Brothel is total complete and utter haraam, has completely dissassociated herself from her father's line of work and has made her father aware of this - and she is also pious practising and of good character; then you are right - it should not affect your individual relationship with her being your wife.
However - yes I am sure that having a father in law who runs a brother will not be taken at all lightly by your family. I can imagine it will be a very difficult subject to bring up with them; there may be fireworks to start off with, as your family may be concerned with 'what the extended family and community will say'. But once your family have got to know this Muslimah and have been reassured that she totally rejects the 'Brothel' - inshaAllah they should ease up - right? It may take some time and alot of 'being brave and determined' on your behalf.
Having said the above, I would like to bring the following hadith of the Prophet Muhammed (saw) to your attention, he(saw) said:
“Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart [by hating it and feeling that it is wrong] – and that is the weakest of faith” (Narrated by Muslim, 49)
So, I would advise you to be careful about your interaction with your father in law, because by you appearing to enjoy his company, this can make it look as though you do not reject the major and extreme wrongs and evils he is spreading by running a brothel. Also, a way for you to assess if this Muslimah truly rejects what her father is doing is if she avoids spending excess time with her him or not. If she enjoys spending time with him, how can she truly be rejecting what he is doing?
In fact, I would say to you to tell your future father in law exactly how you feel about what he is doing, tell him what the Quran says and then avoid any contact with him but that which is necessary to do dawah through example. And if this Muslimah feels as strongly, then she would have no objections in supporting you and in doing the same herself.
Furthermore, Allah(swt) says in the Quran says: ‘O you who believe! Take care of your ownselves. If you follow the (right) guidance [and enjoin what is right (Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do) and forbid what is wrong (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden)] no hurt can come to you from those who are in error’ [al-Maa’idah 5:105]
So Brother, you have plenty of opportunity to dawah in this situation. Your marrying into this family may be the catalyst needed for the 'father in law' to change his ways and in turn this will be so immensely beneficial for the larger community inshaAllah - what a great opportunity for Sadaqah e Jaariah for you brother!!!
I hope you find this useful inshaAllah.
May Allah guide and protect us all - Aameen.
Salaam brother, I would like to congratulate you for not judging this girl based on her father's actions.
Stigma is the opinons of others, and we should not be concerned about the opinions of others. If the stigma is really bothering you, please know that how we respond to people's comments about us largely controls that stigma and how people recieve negative news about a person or their family. If people come to you with concerns about it - acknowledge it, and then state your opinion on it and be very comfortable with the topic as people interpret discomfort in gossipy ways and will spread your discomfort around like wildfire which can later cause strife in your marriage. I would advise that you get accustomed to being asked about it, and become acustomed to responding like an expert PR consultant which would be "yes its true - and I thank God every day my wife turned out the way she did regardless, and mashaAllah we are very happy together in spite of it". This will change the focus from her father's badness to her goodness and do not worry.
There will always be stigma and gossip - the skill in marriage is to not let other people's issues interfere with your relationship and remember always that there is only one opinon that matters in this life - and it is not the opinions of others.
Peace,
L
MaashaAllah Leyla...:O)