Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m inlove with someone, but am being forced to marry another


I am 21, I loved this boy, and some of my family members were in favour of his proposal too, they too felt that he loves me for real. However, coz the boys family were not very nice, my parents had suspicion on the boy that I love too. After some time I got engaged to someone else that was the choice of my parents. I am not happy with this engagement now. At first I had hopes that my pain will heal with time. However, I no longer think that my marriage with my fiance would be very successful. I mean it may well be, but getting married to him would be quite a big gamble. Someone told him that I love someone else, and now that he has got to know that, he has been nice enough not to humiliate me but he doesnt even care about my emotional wellbeing anymore. I feel like im emotionally imprisioned infront of him.

He doesnt even have complete faith in islam, thats what I think. He may have iman, im not sure, he does fast and that, but his iman is very very weak still. And so there will be some conflict over the upbringing of kids I guess.

My parents knew that I love someone else, and they trust my fiance alot. If I tell my parents that I want to break the engagement, they will think that I am doing this just so that I can get back to the person that I loved. If I tell my fiance he will probably humiliate me and the friendship that is between our families will break. I dont want the engagement to break in a way that cracks friendship or humiliates me or my parents.

What shall I do? I have delayed my wedding once, but I cant do that again. I dont want to humiliate my parents and neither do i want to put my happiness and rights at stake. Does anyone have any ideas? Plz dont say tell ur parents, coz though they will break the engagement but they will get upset severely and they wont understand me and my situation no matter how much I explain. I know this from my experience and from how much I know them. I am going to do istikhara soon, but I wanted some opinions and advice from others too as it is recommended in islam. I need to know how to deal with this problem. I would really appreciate some advice. Thanks in advance.



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2 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I would tell you to talk to your parents and tell them you do not want to go through with the marriage, but you indicated in your post that you are not likely to take that course and gave understandable reasons why. You should be comfortable with who you are marrying, and no one would advise you to go ahead with the marriage if you're not.

    However, since you are not wanting to disrupt the family relationships involved, obviously the only other option you have is to go through with the marriage hoping for the best Insha'Allah. Like you said, everything may work out fine. If you think this is what you are going to end up doing, I would suggest you talk to your intended about the whole matter of the previous guy you cared for and try to resolve any issues related to that so that the two of you can enter the marriage with the best foundation of trust possible.

    -Amy Editor

  2. tell parents that you don't feel confident about the marriage and that you are not ready to get married they should understand

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