Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Does my mother have any right to stop me from doing I’tikaaf?


Offering prayer on their time

Praying in seclusion


i really really really want to do aitekaf this year. This will be my first time if i get to do it. But my mom won't allow me. She keeps coming  up with excuses. I come up with solution. Still she refuses. My heart is soo inclined towards aitekaf.

I will be very heartbroken if i dont get to do it this year. Sometimes, she says " do it next year" i say whose seen next year. sometimes she says " who's gonna do the additional work?" who's gonna bring youiftar and all" fair enough. it is justified..

I dont want to be a burden on her. So i can do it with  my friend, she's also doing it. but she wont let me go to her place.. i even asked her to ask my aunt if i could go to her place.. and she refuses. then she say's who's stopping you from doing it. Do it if you want to and then curses me.

I dont want to do it unless she whole heartedly allows me.. because then i fear my prayers will be useless. Will it be okay if i do it with her half-heartedly allowing me. Will God be displeased with me. In the past i've been bad to her. I'm trying to improve. i'm not the greatest daughter i know but her attitude isn't helping at all.

I'm crying while i write this. Does God also not want me to aitekaf? Because she doesnt agree? I hope i get the reply on time.

~ naseem

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8 Responses »

  1. Salamu'alaikum,

    Sister Naseem, I understand what you feel. And may Allah reward you for your Niyyah to do I'tikaaf.
    You should first know why I'tikaaf is done. Allah's Messenger Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wasallam did I'tikaaf, in the anticipation of Laylatul Qadr, which is better than thousand months.

    Now, can you do it against your mother's wish?

    I do not think you can. Because taking care of your mother is even more important. There is this Hadith about a Sahaabi who wanted to join the Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam on war, but he asked him to take care of his mother instead.

    So, if she permits you, then do it. Otherwise, spend the nights of the last 10 days of Ramadan in worship, while you are at home, so that you can have the benefit of Laylatul Qadr insha Allah.

    Do not be sad. Taking care of your mother is insha Allah even more better. Be as good to your mother as possible, because Allah has ordered you to do so. And considering that I'tikaaf is not obligatory, and that doing so could create troubles for you with your mother, I advise you to drop the idea for this year, with hope from Allah that He will give you complete Reward for the I'tikaaf, as His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has said that "The deeds are considered by the intentions, and a person will get the reward according to his intention"

    Hope from Allah for the Best and be dutiful to your parents

    May Allah enable us to Worship Him immensely on this Laylatul Qadr

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

  2. AOA Sister,

    Allah knows your good intentions and InshaAllah you will benefit from it.

    Obeying your parents is primary in Islam. Your Mom comes first.

    God bless you for your intentions.

  3. "tomorrow" and brother waseem" ,

    walaikum salam and thank you for your replies. My mother saw me how serious i was and has agreed. but I won't do it because it will put burden on her. She does 75% of the house work and i do only 25%. I'm like a helper but if i sit in eitakaf my 25% will double to 50% for her and i don't want that. I tried talking her out for getting help from my aunt who lives in the same block but she doesn't want any help from anyone. but if she doesn't want any help, i know it will be hard for her if she decides to do the whole work on her own. I want to please God not displease Him by burdening my mom. so i'm thinking i'd do as much worship as i can like i were to do if i were in ai'tekaf. only i wouldn't be in one!.. and can you sit in aitekaf for 3 days only?. I think 3 days won't be a burden for her and she'll be happy if i do it for 3 days only. so is it okay if i do it for 3 days?

    • Sister naseem, Alhamdulillah, you have made a better choice.

      May Allah give you the reward of I'tikaf for all the 10 nights.

      Yes, you can do I'tikaf for 3 nights. You may or may not find the Laylatul Qadr in them, but still, you'd have time alone, to remember Allah.
      And Allah Knows Best

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

      • yes, that's why i wanted to do aitekaf.. i wanted to find laylat-ul-qadar in eitakaf.. but .. who knows! i might find it in the last 3 nights =) .. Allah is great. thank you for your replies.
        jazak Allah Khair.

      • You get double reward. Thawab for i'tikaf done due to you niyyat and no fulfilling i'tikaf so as motto earn your mother's displeasure.

  4. I am facing the same situation i did aitikaf 2 years back i wanted to sit again last year but my mother didn't allow me due to households and i thought that if Allah gave me chance then will sit next year but this year again i am facing same problem. My heart is crying with sorrow but i cant do anything. I know that how you feel in aitkaf and how it purifies the soul i am just praying that my mother will allow me. Actually my mother is sugar patient so she cant work, my brother is married n bhabi lives with us but my mother says that it will be injustice to put all the work load on her with 4 kids.

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