I am suffering with anger management issues; could someone please help me?
Sallam my dear brothers and sisters
Peace and blessing of Allah be with you all. My question to you all today is regarding anger.I am a male whom is calm and positive most of the time. However there are times I get really annoyed and start getting angry when I hear something I don't like. I am a practising Muslim and try to follow the deen of Allah and the way of our Prophet (PBUH). Can anyone please advise me how I can overcome this issue?
When I get angry I know it's the saytaan playing games with me.
Please advice further.
Sallam mu alakum,
Apple lover.
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salaam brother, im happy that you asked this question as i could inshaallaah benifit you greatly by mentioning a hadeeth.
this hadeeth is wallaahi the most powerfull one when it comes to cooling down someone from anger,which is the devils poke, and it is like fire.
when i am angry, if i just remeber this hadeeth, and wallaahi i end up smiling and even laughing .
seriously, that is how powerfull it is.
the hadeeth is found in At-tirmithi's collection, and also abuu dawuud along with others and it has a sound/authentic chain of narration as all of the scholars of hadeeth [muhadditheen] have agreed upon it.
On the Authority of mu'aath ibn Anas [may Allaah be pleased with them], the messenger of Allaah [may Allaahs peace and blessing be upon him and his family] said "he who swollows his anger despite being able to express it, Allaah will call him out infront of the creation on the day of judgement, and he will choose from the huur-al'ayn [maidens of paradise] whichever he desires"
the mufassireenn have said that this does not mean you get to choose one huur after many times of controlling your anger, but rather for everytime you controll your anger, you will get to be called out and choose one.
so brother, if you get angry at a person, your family or friend 100 times a day for many years, think of the countless beauty you will recieve when you are called out infront of all the creation.
as for the practical ways to controll anger, the prophet[saww] said if you are standing when you are inraged, then sit, if you are sitting and still angry, then lie down.
also the prophet[saww] said say a'uuthubillaahiminahsaytaanirrajeem
meaning i seek regure in Allaah from the shaytaan the outcast.
also he [saww] adviced to make wudhu as anger is like fire, and can be put out by water.
what beautifull advice from the messenger [saww] and glad tiding for controlling your anger.
remember, look forward to the next time you are angry so that you can inshaallaah controll your rage and get the beautifull maidens whom Allaah created in jannah.
ma'asalaamah
I really like the hur part
Now Plz make me angry , I wanna control
it Haha
Apart from the brother advice u can also try
Brother if u are really angry , and if u go to gym see the punching bag as the person u r angry with and take all anger out on it .
Troublehood, it doesnt work! I try doing that so many times in the gym, it just won't work and I only get more wound up..dunno whether it's at the punch bag or the person. Lol!
So lets just follow RasoolAllah s.a.w's approach, when all else fails you (including the punch bag), one comes to realise that it should have been dealt with the Islamic way right to begin with, lol.
RasoolAllah s.a.w offered many ways to help ones anger.
Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (saws) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Bukhari)
Here is an article I found that gives advice on dealing with anger. All that I can remind you is already written here really nicely mashallah so have a read and most importantly, ACT upon it inshallah. If you strive to become a better person for the sake of Allah, surely you will see results.
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Advice On Dealing With Anger
Anger is one of the evil whispers of Shaytan, which leads to so many evils and tragedies, of which only Allah knows their full extent. For this reason Islam has a great deal to say about this bad characteristic, and the Prophet (saws) described cures for this “disease” and ways to limit its effects, among which are the following:
(1) Seeking refuge with Allah from the Shaytan:
Sulayman ibn Sard said: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws), and two men were slandering one another. One of them was red in the face, and the veins on his neck were standing out. The Prophet (saws) said, ‘I know a word which, if he were to say it, what he feels would go away. If he said “I seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan,” what he feels (i.e., his anger) would go away.’” (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 6/337)
The Prophet (saws) said: “If a man gets angry and says, ‘I seek refuge with Allah,’ his anger will go away.” (Saheeh al-Jaami‘ al-Sagheer, no. 695)
(2) Keeping silent:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/329; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 693, 4027)
This is because in most cases, the angry person loses self control and could utter words of kufr (from which we seek refuge with Allah), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which would destroy his home, or words of slander which would bring him the enmity and hatred of others. So, in short, keeping silent is the solution which helps one to avoid all that.
(3) Not moving:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.”
The narrator of this hadeeth is Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him), and there is a story connected to his telling of it: he was taking his camels to drink at a trough that he owned, when some other people came along and said (to one another), “Who can compete with Abu Dharr (in bringing animals to drink) and make his hair stand on end?” A man said, “I can,” so he brought his animals and competed with Abu Dharr, with the result that the trough was broken. (i.e., Abu Dharr was expecting help in watering his camels, but instead the man misbehaved and caused the trough to be broken). Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he laid down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?” He said: “The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: . . .” and quoted the hadeeth. (The hadeeth and this story may be found in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152; see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, no. 694).
According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at the trough, when another man made him angry, so he sat down . . . (Fayd al-Qadeer, al-Manaawi, 1/408)
Among the benefits of this advice given by the Prophet (saws) is the fact that it prevents the angry person from going out of control, because he could strike out and injure someone, or even kill - as we will find out shortly - or he could destroy possessions and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will become overexcited, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something crazy or harmful. Al-‘Allaamah al-Khattaabi, may Allah have mercy on him, said in his commentary on Aboo Daawood: “One who is standing is in a position to strike and destroy, while the one who is sitting is less likely to do that, and the one who is lying down can do neither. It is possible that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told the angry person to sit down or lie down so that he would not do something that he would later regret. And Allah knows best.”(Sunan Abee Daawood, with Ma‘aalim al-Sunan, 5/141)
(4) Following the advice of the Prophet (saws):
Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that a man said to the Prophet (saws), “Advise me.” He said, “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the Prophet (saws) told him, “Do not become angry.”(Reported by al-Bukhari, Fath al-Baaree, 10/456)
According to another report, the man said: “I thought about what the Prophet (saws) said, and I realized that anger combines all kinds of evil.”(Musnad Ahmad, 5/373)
(5) Do not become angry and Paradise will be yours (a saheeh hadeeth, see Saheeh al-Jaam‘, 7374. Ibn Hajr attributed it to al-Tabaraanee, see al-Fath 4/465):
Remembering what Allah has promised to the righteous (muttaqeen) who keep away from the causes of anger and struggle within themselves to control it, is one of the most effective ways of extinguishing the flames of anger. One of the ahaadeeth that describe the great reward for doing this is: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.”(Reported by al-Tabaraanee, 12/453, see also Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518)
Another great reward is described in the Prophet’s (saws) words: “Whoever controls his anger at the time when he has the means to act upon it, Allah will call him before all of mankind on the Day of Resurrection, and will let him choose of the Hoor al-‘Ayn whoever he wants.”(Reported by Aboo Daawood, 4777, and others. It is classified as hasan in Sahih al-Jaami‘, 6518).
(6) Knowing the high status and advantages offered to those who control themselves:
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather, the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry.” (Reported by Ahmad, 2/236; the hadeeth is agreed upon) . The greater the anger, the higher the status of the one who controls himself. The Prophet (saws) said: “The strongest man is the one who, when he gets angry and his face reddens and his hackles rise, is able to defeat his anger.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad, 5/367, and classified as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3859)
Anas reported that the Prophet (saws) passed by some people who were wrestling. He asked, “What is this?” They said: “So-and-so is the strongest, he can beat anybody.” The Prophet (saws) said, “Shall I not tell you who is even stronger then him? The man who, when he is mistreated by another, controls his anger, has defeated his own Shaytan and the Shaytan of the one who made him angry.”(Reported by al-Bazzaar, and Ibn Hajr said its isnaad is saheeh. Al-Fath, 10/519)
(7) Following the Prophet’s (saws) example in the case of anger:
The Prophet (saws) is our leader and has set the highest example in this matter, as is recorded in a number of ahaadeeth. One of the most famous was reported by Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: “I was walking with the Messenger of Allah (saws), and he was wearing a Najraanee cloak with a rough collar. A Bedouin came and seized him roughly by the edge of his cloak, and I saw the marks left on his neck by the collar. Then the Bedouin ordered him to give him some of the wealth of Allaah that he had. The Prophet (saws) turned to him and smiled, then ordered that he should be given something.”(Agreed upon. Fath al-Baaree, 10/375)
Another way in which we can follow the example of the Prophet (saws) is by making our anger for the sake of Allah, when His rights are violated. This is the kind of anger which is praiseworthy. So the Prophet (saws) became angry when he was told about the imam who was putting people off the prayer by making it too long; when he saw a curtain with pictures of animate creatures in ‘Aa’ishah’s house; when Usaamah spoke to him about the Makhzoomee woman who had been convicted of theft, and he said “Do you seek to intervene concerning one of the punishments prescribed by Allah?”; when he was asked questions that he disliked, and so on. His anger was purely for the sake of Allah.
(8) Knowing that resisting anger is one of the signs of righteousness (taqwaa):
The righteous (al-muttaqoon) are those praised by Allah in the Qur'an and by His Messenger (saws). Paradise as wide as heaven and earth has been prepared for them. One of their characteristics is that they (interpretation of the meaning) “spend (in Allah's Cause) in prosperity and in adversity, [they] repress anger, and [they] pardon men; verily, Allah loves al-muhsinoon (the good-doers).” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:134]
These are the ones whose good character and beautiful attributes and deeds Allaah has mentioned, and whom people admire and want to emulate. One of their characteristics is that (interpretation of the meaning) “. . . when they are angry, they forgive.” [al-Shooraa 42:47]
(9) Listening to reminders:
Anger is a part of human nature, and people vary in their anger. It may be difficult for a man not to get angry, but sincere people will remember Allah when they are reminded, and they will not overstep the mark. Some examples follow:
Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man sought permission to speak to 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allah be pleased with him), then he said: “O son of al-Khattaab, you are not giving us much and you are not judging fairly between us.” ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) was so angry that he was about to attack the man, but al-Hurr ibn Qays, who was one of those present, said: “O Ameer al-Mu’mineen, Allah said to His Prophet (saws) (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish’ [al-A‘raaf 7:199]. This man is one of the foolish.” By Allah, ‘Umar could go no further after al-Hurr had recited this aayah to him, and he was a man who was careful to adhere to the Book of Allah.(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 4/304).
This is how the Muslim should be. The evil munaafiq (hypocrite) was not like this when he was told the hadeeth of the Prophet (saws) and one of the Companions said to him, “Seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan.” He said to the one who reminded him, “Do you think I am crazy? Go away!”(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/465). We seek refuge with Allah from failure.
(10) Knowing the bad effects of anger:
The negative effects of anger are many; in short they cause damage to one’s own self and to others. The angry person may utter words of slander and obscenity, he may attack others (physically) in an uncontrolled manner, even to the point of killing. The following story contains a valuable lesson:
‘Ilqimah ibn Waa’il reported that his father (may Allah be pleased with him) told him: “I was sitting with the Prophet (saws) when a man came to him leading another man by a rope. He said, ‘O Messenger of Allah, this man killed my brother.’ The Messenger of Allah (saws) asked him, ‘Did you kill him?’ He said, ‘Yes, I killed him.’ He asked, ‘How did you kill him?’ He said, ‘He and I were hitting a tree to make the leaves fall, for animal feed, and he slandered me, so I struck him on the side of the head with an axe, and killed him.’ . . .” (Reported by Muslim, 1307, edited by al-Baaqi).
Anger could lead to less than killing, such as wounding and breaking bones. If the one who caused the anger runs away, the angry person turns his anger in on himself, so he may tear his clothes, or strike his cheeks, or have a fit, or fall unconscious, or he may break dishes and plates, or break furniture.
In the worst cases, anger results in social disasters and the breaking of family ties, i.e., divorce. Ask many of those who divorced their wives, and they will tell you: it was in a moment of anger. This divorce results in misery for the children, regret and frustration, a hard and difficult life, all as a result of anger. If they had remembered Allah, come to their senses, restrained their anger and sought refuge with Allah, none of this would have happened. Going against the Shariah only results in loss.
The damage to health that results from anger can only be described by doctors, such as thrombosis, high blood pressure, tachycardia (abnormally rapid heartbeat) and hyperventilation (rapid, shallow breathing), which can lead to fatal heart attacks, diabetes, etc. We ask Allah for good health.
(11) The angry person should think about himself during moments of anger:
If the angry person could see himself in the mirror when he is angry, he would hate himself and the way he looks. If he could see the way he changes, and the way his body and limbs shake, how his eyes glare and how out of control and crazy his behaviour is, he would despise himself and be revolted by his own appearance. It is well-known that inner ugliness is even worse than outer ugliness; how happy the Shaytan must be when a person is in this state! We seek refuge with Allah from the Shaytan and from failure.
(12) Du‘aa’:
Du'a’ is always the weapon of the believer, whereby he asks Allah to protect him from evil, trouble and bad behaviour and seeks refuge with Him from falling into the pit of kufr or wrongdoing because of anger. One of the three things that can help save him is: being fair at times of contentment and of anger (Saheeh al-Jaami‘, 3039). One of the du‘aa’s of the Prophet (saws) was:
“O Allah, by Your knowledge of the Unseen and Your power over Your creation, keep me alive for as long as You know life is good for me, and cause me to die when You know death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to make me fear You in secret and in public, and I ask You to make me speak the truth in times of contentment and of anger. I ask You not to let me be extravagant in poverty or in prosperity. I ask You for continuous blessings, and for contentment that does not end. I ask You to let me accept Your decree, and for a good life after death. I ask You for the joy of seeing Your face and for the longing to meet You, without going through diseases and misguiding fitnah (trials). O Allah, adorn us with the adornment of faith and make us among those who are guided. Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.”
brother, wallaahi controlling anger in a fit of rage is much much harder than said, thats why you get a maiden/huur of your "type" or "choice".
Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe dear brothers and sisters may Allah bless you.
I first of all wanted to thank you for sharing all of this advice, Love Islamic Answers (L)! Learned some more and great reminder.
I read something interesting in the article and this has happened to me too when I was young, it helped though.....
Nowadays we have many mirrors in our houses, whenever you get angry. Look in the mirror and look at yourself....Rest doesn't need to be spoken.
May Allah bless us all and guide us.. Ameen
ps: Damn the hadtih about the hoor..mmh, really didn't know that, but thats nice 😛 now I know why you would smile whahahaha, I smiled reading it as well, great motivation id say XD!!!!
Also a great motivation for the wife to not make you angry as well :P....
Salaam waleikum.
Brother
This advice given to you is good, but i have a feeling that only a person in control of thier emotions would be able to follow this advice through esp when they are beginning to become angry. Who in the state of anger will look into a mirror or seek out a punch bag or try and recall hadith. These tips are excellent for someone who gets angry on rare occasions. However brother my advice to you would be to seek counselling and anger management treatments. You say you get angry even when you hear something you don't like! This is when something is not even directed at you, which means your anger has reached a state of abnormality.
It is normal to feel angry from time to time, though anger is rarely a useful feeling. Anger is very often followed quickly by remorse, though sadly the 'damage' has already been done.
When someone repeatedly feels anger over a particular issue or issues like you do, it tends to put that person in a state where they are not best placed to deal resourcefully with the situation. More often than not, this is simply a habit. So from what i can gather by what you have said is that your feeling of anger has become a habit.
Yes i think you should pray and remain in a state of wudu, yes you should find a hobby and channel your fustration in something useful as well as healthy, like going to the gym. But I think brother that you should seek proffessional help in terms of treatment for anger management. Sometimes these treatments will aim to help you to rapidly recondition the old way of being and to build more choice into your thinking in the present, esp in situations where you may be about to lose control.
Please think about this course of actions and I pray Allah resolves your problem.