Stepfathers rights
Salaam alakium,
I have been married to my husband for 12 years, we have 5 children Mashallah. My oldest son is 13 years of age, his father has no contact with him. My son looks to my Husbund as any son would do to a father. My son is a good boy, Mashallah, he pray's, he's doing very well in school and is a good brother to his younger siblings(most of the time).
My Husbund and I have 1 issue with my son, he does not listen, if he is on his ps3 or laptop we have to call him up to 3 times, which is obviously frustrating. My dilema is on these occasions my Husband becomes very angry and has beat him with a stick and more recently he has hit him. I intervene, because I feel my husband does not have the right to beat him and that on my Husband's part it is over reacting.
This has resulted in us arguing and my Husband giving me divorce, twice. My family means everything to me, I do not want it broken, but I am deeply concerned of the effect my Husband's continuous harassment will have on my son. He never praises him only put downs.
I would really appreciate advice, to know what rights my Husband has as a stepfather in Islam would help a great deal, any hadiths would also be of great help.
Thankyou,
~Francesca
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Francesca, As-salamu alaykum,
I don't think this has anything to do with being a stepfather. As you said, your husband is the only father your son has ever known. This is more of an issue of parenting styles and poor anger management on your husband's part. It sounds like your husband has a problem with his temper, and he's taking it out on your son.
Your son's behavior does not sound like a big deal. So he's on his computer or game box and you have to call him a few times before he answers. So what? This is normal behavior for a teenager. It does not warrant beating him with a stick.
Also, your husband has completely overreacted by declaring divorce. Does your husband realize that if he declares divorce for a third time, it will be final and irrevocable? This is very dangerous behavior he is playing with.
I believe that you and your husband need to see a counselor together. You need to come to an agreement on how to parent your son (preferably without violence of any kind). And your husband needs to learn to control his temper and not act out of anger, whether with you or your son.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister, your husband is a control freak and he needs help from a anger management team, beating a child will result in his resentment of him and eventually hatred, this is not good from the stepfathers point of view.
Children play games all the time, but its a case of discipline rather than torture, hes 13 and thats what they do, because games are fun and they just want to finish the level or whatever, but to react harshly is plain stupid, its asking a teenager to stop being so young, which explains my point.
Putting a child down all the time destroys his self-esteem, this leads to bullying etc., this man is destroying your childs future with reasons which are beyond acceptance.
Excuse me for saying this but your husband seems like a guy who likes to throw his toys out the pram when things dont go his way, why on earth you recieve his wrath in the shape of a divorce i have no idea, its sillyness from him and really he needs to learn he is being more of a kid than your own son !!