What should I do to convince my parents about the girl I want to marry?
Aoa.
I am a university student studying in the first year of bachelors. When I was doing my o-levels (quite young though) there was a girl in my school. I fell for her unaware of the restrictions in Islam at that time. It took me a lot of time to get in touch with her (almost a year). After all the efforts I somehow contacted her and her reaction was quite furious one. However, it started with friendship for a few months and then I told her I love her and I want to marry her.
She was reluctant initially but then she agreed. The thing I appreciate the most is that we never dated, nor touched or talked in private. When my parents got to know about it my dad couldn't bear it and he told me to leave her. I said okay I will but I didn't. After one year he caught me again being in contact with her, and I assured him that I won't do it again and he also said that if you want to do anything, do it in a reasonable way and at the right time. I was content that he had accepted us.
From that day on we stopped talking through calls or text messages. but we were in contact through friends and we did talk after a month or so and then after a day we used to do as we were supposed to do. Few months back my father saw her pictures in my cellphone (I know my mistake) and he couldn't resist it and he scolded me to death. Whatever he said portrayed that he is not accepting us at all. He says that she is not a good girl and an innocent one, and the one who deserves me. They haven't even talked to her seen her, how can they talk about her character.
On the other side she told her mother and this was disturbing for her a lot. She said that she will wait for me to complete my studies and come for a proposal. Now, we have got out of this "relationship" thing and decided that not to be in contact through any means until the right time comes. But during this waiting period, I want to know what should I do, that after completing my masters (after 3 years) I want my parents to happily ask me who I want to marry. As they know who I want as my partner they should consider my choice whole heartedly. Moreover her respect in front of my parents is devalued. And Allah is the one who gives and takes honour from someone. What should I pray for her honour and mine as well?
Also that they accept her with full heart and love her like their own daughter as being the only son they will have one and only daughter in law. Waiting for your reply
Wasiq
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Dear wasiq
Have patience and dont worry inshahAllah Allah would help you for this marriage thing...
An advice dont annoy your parents right now...just wait and hold on....its important that you should have patience until you complete your studies....
Dont even talk about your marriage right now just focus on your career so that your parents could know that you are an obedient child not a rebellious one....I would appreciate one thing that you are into your limits and this is what i call true love....Hats off to you
but right now just let the time pass....your parents would forget all this and once they forget this than you can talk to them from the beginning about this marriage thingy....
if she is ready to wait for you and you are also waiting for the right time than it means that Allah is helping both of you....Your parents have not dishonoured her....they are your parents and parents scold their children in order to keep them under control....whatever he said he is just thinking about you....you are their only son and they want you to have a good future too....just prove them that you are a focused child and you are really working hard to have a good future.....besides this, keep praying and praying and praying....whatever would be good for you Allah would do it....
dont get upset about your marriage....Allah would help you and would do best for you.....just pray to God and dont annoy your parents right now....just give time to your family and dont overburden your mind as it would depress you......
my best wishes are with you.....
if you have anything to share and ask....you are always welcome.....
regards
Asalaam alaykum,
I don't think your parents have a negative view of this girl, but rather your behavior. You lied to your father and kept contact with the girl for a year, including having her picture on your phone, which truth be told, you shouldn't do unless you are married to her. That may seem drastic, but think of your own daughter having some guy's photo on her phone whom she told you she would stop contacting. Doesn't sound too nice does it? So I think that your father is more worried about your actions than anything else.
I think the onus is all on you, so your parents are going to be influenced by your actions. Any girl that they believe is leading you astray will be judged by them accordingly.
Also, other than waiting for your Masters, is there a reason why you two cannot get married now or once you get your BA?