Why is it necessary to accept islam??
Assalamualuikum,
I had asked a question earlier regarding me having a non-muslim boyfriend. Well, I, being heart-broken, was kind of losing my mind and doing things I would never even imagine doing earlier. I prayed to Allah for helping me to maintain a safe distance from the non-mahram and I feel alhamdulillah that I kind of started coming to my senses. I gave my friend a copy of the Quran asked him to read that and sincerely decide about Islam, keeping me out of his mind. I have kept a distance from him. Initially he was quite ready to go for conversion but now his sister says she will boycott him. Actually he has a joint family and his sister is the most understanding and close to him. She knows me also very well since all of us studied together in boarding school.
Now he says after his sister asked him, he checked online about the success rates of the people reverting and then marrying and said the success rate is really low. He had even asked on the "chat islam online" which is specifically for the newly reverted and those who want to revert. He asked why is it necessary to accept Islam, and they said that "If the muslim girl gets married in a non-muslim family, she will be under pressure and wont be able to practise her religion freely". He does not find the answer convincing since, his sister says, they will never let anybody pose any problem with me practising Islam. Of course I know I can't get married to him. The thing is I know I have done a mistake by having an affair which is very wrong. Hope Allah forgives me. I keep praying for forgiveness and strength of eimaan.
Now he wants me to help him find a convincing answer to "why is it necessary to revert?" He is otherwise a good human. I don't know what to tell him. Please can any of you help with this?
-Zoyna
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Assalamu alaykum, my sister.
You cannot give him a convincing answer. It is not your role. Only Allah can guide him. Also, it is haram for you to discuss this with him unless you have a suitable chaperone there. Shaytan is trying to distract you using your affection for him, and it is causing you to use bad judgement. Don't talk to him in any haram manner.
You can, however, provide appropriate references in the Holy Quran to his sister to pass on to him. Suggest he visit your masjid, and talk to an Imam. Attend Friday service. Listen to lectures. He must revert because of the beauty and perfection of Islam, and his love for Allah, not his love or affection for you. If he does become interested in reverting, you must be even more careful in avoiding being alone with him, because you will have a deep shared connection with each other because he will now see the Truth. Shaytan will jump on this and try to use it to fool you into the haram.
Regarding the success rate of reverted men and Islamic women, the only success rate that matters is the success rate of you getting into Jannah! That is the only success that really matters. This is his struggle, and he is throwing this success rate up because of his doubts, and Shaytan knows this will touch your emotions. Only Allah knows his heart, and only Allah can choose him. This is another sign that you need to keep clear.
If your heart is pure, and you keep things halal, and it is Allah's will, that is the only chance you have to be with him. But face it (and I think you know this): your chances of being with him are very low. Thinking about him obsessively and seeing him in a haram way just reduce your chances of being with him even more.
Your chances of getting in to Jannah should be your first priority.
It is difficult to explain to someone who is not Muslim so will try my best InshaAllah.
The main reason is because it is not permitted. Your creater, Allah swt, Lord of the Heavens and the Earth has forbade women from marrying non-Muslim men. And Allah swt would not prohibit something without a good reason.
We do not know what Allah swt knoes.
What I can tell you is even if a man has great manners and a great character being married to someone of a different religion causes so so many problems in marriage. Marriage is about being a team, being garments for one anotehr. Sharing your life in a way which is pleasing to Allah. Marriage with someone with different aspiriations and on a different journey is very difficult. They require lots of understanding, patience and sacrifice.
But of course non of this is truly applicable because Islamically you cannot marry him.
InshaAllah one of the editors/readers can provide another insight.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Here is an extract written by a christian man on his view on why interfaith marriages cause problems. It doesnt 100% answer your Q but may be usefl to you all the same. It could help the guy to understand maybe?
"I'm sure this is not what you want to hear...but honestly, it is the truth....
As a Catholic married to a Baptist women.
I do not recommend inter-faith marriages. PERIOD.
This may sound hypocritical, but it is not. It is born out of personal experience... the experience of countless others, and statistics.
With over 50% of all marriages ending in Divorce, and one of the Primary reasons cited is: Religious Differences -- Do you really want to start off your marriage with such a huge knock against it?
Divorce rates amongst Christians are actually exceeding those of the non-religious. Most of these are between Christians and non-Christians. (see above reason)
The bible warns that Marriage is hard, it is not for everyone, and specifically it warns being "unequally yoked" with a non-believer.
I have great respect for devout Muslims, but that does not mean I advocate either of them to marry outside of their faith.
There will be cultural differences in the way one views things. There will be cultural and social pressure from Family for the 2 of you to worship and celebrate TOGETHER.
There will be complications on how you raise your children. They will grow up with an unreconcilable conflict. That is: Mommy is good, Daddy is good, and yet NEITHER of them can agree on God.
There are only 3 possible outcomes to this, none of which are really great....
1) God must not exist, since even the smartest people...Mommy and Daddy, don't agree, it must all be made up or imaginary.
2) They will adopt a laize faire mentality and have a very vague sense of God, which is fairly close to simply having no faith at all.
3) They will end up with a very confused merger of both faiths, believing or agreeing with whomever is in the room or which ever person seems the strongest at the time.
Very rarely do they emerge from an inter-faith marriage with a strong faith.
Again, I base this on 2 Family members who married Jewish people. Catholics marrying non-believers. Christians marrying non-believers. etc.
I know this is not what you want to hear...but it needs to be said.
Lastly,
Within my own marraige, we don't have kids, but none the less.. our differences are enough that we have to ignore the topic of Religion as much as possible. The few times we have tried to discuss our religious differences in detail, it has ended up with one of us crying and both of us shouting. So much so.. that I've banned the topic of religion in our house. We can talk about God in a general sense as in "I think that was God's plan" or "I think prayer was answered by God" etc. But nothing specific.
You see, within a Marriage.. the 2 are to become one. As the marriage gets older.. the 2 want to share more and more of their life with the other person. However, their differences in Religion means that there is a part of them that they can NEVER fully share with the other person... that their spouse will never truly understand and appreciate.
This means that there is a divide between them...they can't truly become ONE.
The BEST they can do is respect and ignore the differences.
That sometimes doesn't work and creates conflict and separation.
Add in pressure from 1 or both sides of the family and you have a recipe for divorce."
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaam alaikum,
I wrote this for a young woman who is trying to embrace Islam and reading your old post of trying to get back to the Right Path, perhaps it is appropriate for you, too.
http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/boyfriend-making-difficult/comment-page-1/#comment-59960
I would be very frank with you...
The main reason why he must revert to islam is because if he allow himself to die as a nonbeleiver (nonmuslim), he is going to hell fire., and he is going to dwell therein forever.. ... It is very compulsory for any humankind, not to allow himself to die, except he/she accept islam and become a muslim. Or else he/she is doomed to unbearable and unimagineable torment for all eternity... ALMIGHTY ALLAH said "AND WHOEVER SEEKS A RELIGION OTHER THAN ISLAM, IT WILL NEVER BE ACCEPTED OF HIM (or her), AND IN THE HEREAFTER HE (or she) WILL BE ONE OF THE LOSERS (ie dwellers of hell fire forever)." koran3:85
"YES! WHOSOEVER EARNS EVIL AND HIS (or her) SIN SURROUND HIM (or her), THEY ARE DWELLERS OF THE FIRE; THEY WILL DWELL THEREIN FOR EVER." "AND THOSE WHO BELEIVE (in the oneness of Allah - islamic monotheism) AND DO RIGHTEOUS GOOD DEEDS, THEY ARE DWELLERS OF PARADISE, THEY WILL DWELL THEREIN FOREVER."koran2:81-82.
"...WHENEVER THERE COMES TO YOU GUIDANCE FROM ME {ALLAH}, AND WHOEVER FOLLOWS MY GUIDANCE, THERE SHALL BE NO FEAR ON THEM, NOR SHALL THEY GRIEVE." "BUT THOSE WHO DISBELIEVE AND DENY OUR REVELATION (the koran) - SUCH ARE THE DWELLERS OF THE FIRE. THEY SHALL ABIDE THEREIN FOREVER." koran2:38-39... "WHOEVER BRINGS A GOOD DEED (WHILE HE IS A BELEIVER- MUSLIM) SHALL HAVE TEN TIMES THE LIKE THEREOF TO HIS CREDIT, AND WHOEVER BRINGS AN EVIL DEED (polytheism, disbelief, hypocrisy, and deeds of disobedience to Allah and His massanger - muhammad pbuh) SHALL HAVE ONLY THE RECOMPENSE OF THE LIKE THEREOF, AND THEY SHALL NOT BE WRONGED."koran6:160.
"SURELY, THOSE WHO REJECT FAITH (disbelieve in Allah [God] and in muhammad as being Allah's Massanger and in all that which he has brought from Allah), NEITHER THEIR PROPERTIES, NOR THEIR OFFSPRING WILL AVAIL THEM AUGHT AGAINST ALLAH. THEY ARE THE DWELLERS OF THE FIRE, THEREIN THE WILL ABIDE (forever)." koran3:116...
So sister, if you truely love this man and want to marry him, the best thing you can offer to him to convince him to accept islam... This way, you gonna enjoy the beauties of this world together, and also enjoy the beauty of paradise together in the hereafter ... As a matter of fact, keeping hell fire and afterlife issue aside, your children would be raised up muslims, and this is probably what you nonmuslim husband and his family wont accept.. And even if he accept, would you want you children to be raised in a mixed inter religious home, and looking at all religions as the same since thats how they are raised (seeing there father going to church every sunday and there mom observing the salat prayers and reading the koran on in the house) ? The children could not be raised up as pious muslims and there is every chamber of them leaving islam and joining the father's religion.. So many disadvantages.. So pls rethink before you act pls.
And am not telling you to show him all this statements of mine, because it could drive him far away from islam , as he may be thinking that you dont have respect for his religion.... Trying using your wisdom in convincing him to islam.
Bro Mohd
Assalamualuikum,
Jazakallah to all of you for your responses..Alhamdulillah past 2-3 days it became more clear to me how to handle this situation..I feel like I was lost on a wrong path but now Allah helped me to get back..I did try giving him some answers few days back but he would just counter, making it seem like he just doesn't want to listen to anything because he deep inside is scared of his family..Not that he is wrong because everybody loves their families and don't want to hurt them..Anyway now I just told him to read the quran and if he needs help then told him to reach a scholar because I am not a scholar myself so can't give him perfect answers with my partial knowledge..
Along with that I had been praying since a long time to Allah to make things clear to me and seriously few things that came up in the last week made things very clear to me..It strengthened me inside and mashallah I feel I am able to actually have a grip on my mind and heart now..This would not have been psbl w/o prayers ofcourse because all this time past 5 months, since I was close to this guy I was guilty and restless..But somehow could not do the right thing, so I kept praying to Allah to make me normal and get me back on the track..
The only thing that can help are prayers, whether for myself or the guy or anybody else..I gave him the Quran and now I just pray to Allah to show him the right path because if I tried to explain he sometimes argued and anyway I am not a scholar..Otherwise I out of the relationship Alhamdulillah and I feel so relaxed..I just pray to Allah for forgiveness..Please all of you also pray for me..Please pray for my elder sis too ( she is a last stage cancer patient)
Tc..Alhfz
P.S: Well if I am wrong abt anything I am thinking or doing now also then please let me know
May Allah grant recovery to your elder sister.. May Allah forgive her sins and grant her taufiq and hidayah. May He grant her a very long, healthy, wealthy, happy and peaceful life. May Allah gant her strength and energy.
Salam
It may be easier to just let him know that you would like to not only be here on earth with him, but also in paradise.