Is this indication from Allah?
Assalam O Alaikum,
I am totally confused with a matter. It would be very helpful if someone can guide me properly in light of Islam. I am 28 years old. Recently there was a marriage proposal for me from the family, and since I do not have any choice of my own my family is taking initiative. This guy say ‘X’ is currently abroad for higher studies. Our families are pleased with each other and had taken initiatives to go further with this proposal. I got to interact with X by e-mail and gradually I started liking him. He is a nice guy of course. All other particulars also match aswell, so my family is happy with the proposal. Since he is abroad so there has been understanding among the two families that when he comes back in December all the formal things of marriage will take place. Thus the marriage is somehow settled down between the two families informally. There has been no engagement or anything like that. Its just that they have decided that when X returns then only all formal talks will take place. And both of our families being conservative, we have decided not to be committed to each other without the final confirmation from the parents. However we have been intouch since then my email and chat. And had been a likingness from both the sides. This is the story of two months ago.
Just one month back all on a sudden I have started to think about another guy, say ‘Y’. It is just out of blue and from no where. This Y used to be our neighbour quite long ago. Its NOT that I used to like him before. I never even thought of him before!!! Infact I have not seen him for the last 5/6 years. And we didn’t have even talking terms when we were neighbours. However my father and his father are still in contact as they are old friends but for me and Y there was no contact whatsoever let alone any kind of likingness. I just could not understand myself why am I thinking of this guys. Its not even that there has been any marriage proposals from the family of Y. There is nothing. But why am I thinking about him? First, I thought it would be fine after few days. But it hasn’t, rather I just cannot think about anything else but about Y. I have tried to keep my mind out of him but failed. Now, I feel like mad and feeling like crazy. I don’t find any reason for my this state of mind. I have tried continuously Ishtekhara prayers but found no clue in my dreams. Its not that even that I have decided about this Y, so why am I not getting the answer from my Ishtekhara prayers? After having this thought of Y I have been in less contact with X. But I just think about Y. Is this love? How wired can it be that I can fall in love with a person whom I don’t have any contact or even seen him for last six years?
Please help me. Is this any indication from Allah that Y is the right guy for me? If that is the fact then how can I proceed with this matter? As I cannot say to my family that I like Y !!! and there is no sign of marriage proposal from the family of Y. Infact I do not even know whether he in a relation with any other person. But I know that he is still single, as our fathers are still in random contact. I didn’t find any explanation why out of blue I have started to think about Y. Is it because Allah has diverted my mind to him and indicates that he is the right guy for me? As only Allah is the one who knows what is best for me, so just started to think about Y without any clue. What should I do now?
Please give me some guidance in light of Islam
fatimatm.
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Salaam Fatima,
This is a difficult one, so I can only give you my opinion.
It may be that you are suddenly thinking of Y because you are getting married now. It may be a manifestation of your nerves of marrying X. It doesnt mean that marrying X is wrong or that marrying Y is right. It may just be nerves of the decision you are making. Humans can be fickle sometimes. Its almost like choosing a route or a course of study. One you've made a decision a little voice in your head says what about this. I had the same thing after I received a confirmation of studying Biosciences. I suddenly started thinking about studying Psychology or Arabic, and started to think about how wonderful it would be to study Arabic. I doubted my choice - which is not good really. Likewise I know if I was in your situation I would most likely be feeling the same as you. Unless you feel that X is not good marriage material or you have a bad instinct about X it seems a bit far fetched to cancel your marriage and 'take a risk on Y.'
I am not saying that X is good for you though, you know him though so you know if you wish to marry him.
The real question is do you think X is good marriage material before you started thinking about Y? How did he behave before. Do you like him? Do you have similar aspirations etc. Will he treat you well. How is his character and most importantly his deen. Sit yourself down, ask yourself some questions and keep your eyes open. Do istikhaarah if need be. If you do istikhaarah then I urge you to please read the links above (at top of page in green) on istikhaarah very carefully to ensure you are doing it properly and looking out for the correct signs. It is NOT about dream interpretation. Also know the meaning of what you are saying when you say it.
Sometimes things are a sign from Allah swt with a particular meaning. At other times we read into things too deeply and believe it a sign or indication when its just our own minds or an unconscious fear or need or something else. Remember that your thoughts are influenced by your emotions, sometimes you may not be aware that you are nervous/scared/happy but your mind is so it makes unusual thoughts to get your attention. I am not saying that this is or isn't a sign but it could just be your mind. Only you know the answer to that question dear sister.
Sara
IslamicAnswers.com Editor